Iron lady

She was dragged into a kancil.
Almost raped.

With a good intention of starting the lent season,
today,
She went to a church with a friend with the intention of asking for a blessing from Mother Mary.
Little that she knows a good intention could turn into a disaster

Her friend had to leave for 10 minutes to send an umbrella to her mom,
So she went in alone which of course she didn’t mind at all.

After lighting the candles and completing her prayers,
She went to the road to wait for her friend’s return.
But she wasn’t aware of her surroundings

A kancil came from behind,
Like a wind she was dragged into the car.

There were two man,
One fair Chinese looking guy did the dragging,
And a dark-skin guy with a cap on was driving,
Both were suspected to be high on drugs or alcohol

The guy who dragged her into the car was on top of her,
holding her so tight while kissing her neck and molesting her.
she was screaming her heart out with great disgust

Suddenly, dad’s face appeared in her memory with great intensity
and the UMS incident where a girl from UMS was dragged into a kancil andwas raped made her even more determined to break free
She refused to suffer for the same fate

She was thinking hard then,
how to defeat the man who was doing her,
she’s good in human anatomy,
so she chose the chest as the target

The man was strangling her then,
Trying to shut her off by choking her to unconsciousness
as she was struggling with her might to escape
The driver made a turn causing the fair looking man to stumble to the side close to her leg

She was thinking fast,
With her greatest might,
She used her only weapon at that time – her leg
And kicked him hard on the chest

The guy was short of breath after the attack,
The driver was shouting NOOOOO as he witnessed the defeat of his friend,
Like a superhero,
She jumped off from the car before the guy could even breathe

She hid in the forest while those men was searching for their prey,
She was trembling in tears and phoned her friend,
Her rescue came and she was safe again

She was a strong lady,
She escaped uninjured and most importantly still intact,
I couldn’t imagine to be in her shoes.
Even after what happened she could still talk to me with a clear voice

How glad I am that my little sister was okay.
She's an Iron lady.

World map

Believe it or not, I am very bad in geography. When I said bad, its very very very bad beyond explanation.

“Ohh! I thought Dubai is in India?”

“I think you meant Bombay or Mumbai.”

“And where is New Zealand? I thought it should be near Switzerland or Sweden since their names almost rhyme with each other.”

“Noooo, It’s down under! Oh my goodness, your school teacher should fail you in geography!”

“Oh shooott!!!!" What can I say, I haven't been learning much about geography for 10 years now since PMR.

But I know where Madagascar is because of the movie.

It’s pretty much embarrassing, I know. But seriously, I have taken the subject for granted. So much for saying I love travelling huh? I don’t even know what country is on the left, or right of the world map.

So today, I learned about Ottoman Empire from an Iraqi friend who has been kind enough to share some historical and geographical information which I never took time to learn. We even googled the world map. Like a kid, I played a little searching game on the map.

“Let’s find Brazil! Where is Netherland, Iceland, Argentina, Mexico, and Portugal??!!”

It doesn’t take long to understand the whole map. All this while I only know from Australia till Thailand, and after that, my knowledge is almost zero. I should be ashamed of myself even though I know these places by names.

So guys, don’t tell me you know where Morocco is, or Sahara, or Ecuador. I believe some people from the west doesn’t even know the existence of Malaysia. So I intend to share my knowledge here.

To those who took geography for granted, it’s not too late. I have something for you here to start with. Have a look on the map and see how much you know about the world.

Obama's twin brother?

Obama left his twin brother in Indonesia?

I certainly hope not. :)

Ilham Anas a photographer from Indonesia strikes a strong resemblance to the newly-elected US president Barack Obama. Find the article here and here.

People often mistaken him for Obama and took pictures with him. He starred in a phillipino commercial, which makes his fame grows even more worldwide.

Fatherly love

It was tough making them understand. But I am glad, in the end they agreed though they said I should have called SPA. Part of me was consumed by guilt for not being responsible but the other part of me is jumping for joy for not having to go through it again. I just need to take a breather. At least for now.

I will try again when I am ready, or maybe when their bad news isn’t so bad for me already, or when (maybe) I am earning somewhere and SPA is just like a passing wave that rocks my boat on the sea.

I had a good weekend except for a time when we left his house for a short outing to Starbucks on Sunday and we had to wave at a sad-looking dad at the front door. The face looks so creepy like I have stolen his son.

“Don’t think too much about it. It’ll pass.” His comforting voice never failed to calm me. His parents loved him as though he’s the only son. He has done great things for his family and he has been a responsible man. Yet that is never an excuse for his father not to remind his son about the importance of disciplines and decorum in every conversations they had.

T suffered a lot after two accidents last year (and one of it was a major case). Thank gawd, he didn’t suffer physically but financially. Though it was never a drunk-driving case, his father always claimed that it was T’s lack of responsibilities on things. First accident happened when he decided to finish his work in the office till midnight. I can’t tell you how workaholic this guy is. The second happened at the borderline of Sabah-Sarawak when his car skidded in the rain and went turtle after hitting a lamp post. That happened two days after my dad’s funeral. He was coming to visit my family to say his condolences in person.

Despite all the problems he is having, yet today, he bought his father a Perodua Viva. I was not surprised that a down-to-earth and a knowledgeable man who is a retired MAS captain pilot chose to drive a Viva. He said it is conducive enough for him and his wife. It reminds me of my dad who gave away his old Land Rover to buy a van for his extra income (apart from his 8am-5pm job), just so he gets to feed his 14 kids. Because of my dad, his perseverance as a father, his kindness as a man, I am what I am now and I believe he is now in Heaven tapping his foot on the ground and listening to his favourite song as his 100th day of earthly departure is fading away in the midnight of 21st February. Dad is not coming home anymore to play with mom. Mom won’t be able to hear him during her daily rosary anymore and Mom will soon find all her things which were hidden by him.

We both acknowledged this love.

This mutual conception of fatherly love has brought us together,
and I hope we’ll make a better future when our time has come.

Off the hook!

I missed my PTD exam today. I had to beg for T to let me off the hook this time because I really don't want to do it anymore, at least for now, because things are a bit tough for me at the moment. I am too tired to be excited and motivated for the exam.

Like I said, there's no point going for the exam because even if i pass the exam and go for PAC, they won't take me because of the obvious reason. I can't speak BM the way they do, unless maybe if i apply under Sabah. I have to say I don't have the confidence to out stand myself. Worse still, I get intimidated really fast and that kills my confidence. My brother told me once to use an insider, but I just thought if i got accepted for my qualification, then i can be proud of it rather than getting accepted even when I don't qualify. So at least for now, I know that I have fought fairly for my chance .

Anyway, my focus is more to my work at this time. I have about a week or two left to complete my final analysis for my project, and hopefully all will go smooth as planned. Then after that, I will proudly retire myself from Lab Works and hire myself to a full-time 'thesis-writing' job on my own work station at home. It is my final semester and if i miss another deadline, I am a dead meat to MOSTI.

Oh yeah, to answer your question Gnet, I am doing a project under the combination of Petroleum-Microbiology-Biochemistry-Biotechnology-Environmental Science field. What I am doing exactly is to find a solution for Petroleum clean up in a biological way, for example using microorganisms or bacteria to be specific. You can try BIOREMEDIATION on Google. That ought to be enough to explain my work. :D

morning series

Bad news is, I have wasted a good 45 minutes today waiting for someone to open the instrumental lab for today’s business. Good news is my biological clock has been corrected and now I don’t have to struggle to sleep at night or drag myself to wake up.

There was no heavy traffic in front of campus, everything was smooth sailing compared to yesterday, except for the striking sun which is rising exactly right in front of where I was heading to. I had to use one hand to cover my eyes though I was already on my sunglasses, and the other hand gripping carefully on to the wheel. Driving with too much light reflecting to my eyes is another struggle but there’s nothing I could do about it. I have to wait till my finance is good, only then, I could go to the eye specialist.

I got a nice road-side parking which is only 15 feets away from the staircase to my lab. Then, without wasting any precious time of my life, I got my samples ready in half an hour and immediately walked through two buildings on both sides towards the Chemistry building. With bags clutching tightly on both of my tiny shoulders and one hand holding my sample, I was all motivated for today’s progress!

Carrying and walking is no problem if I get to the lab soon after but I had to wait for another 45 minutes for the lab to be opened. Time was wasted but I couldn’t complain more because that’s one thing I could not change here. So I took a good use of that 45 minutes by reading while listening to my MP3. The passer-by looked at me as though I was an outsider waiting to commit a crime. Worse still, I even saw one guy spitting from the third floor and didn’t even look down if his spits hit someone. Ewwww! That was disgusting!

Guys, next time when you feel a drop of liquid from above, don’t just merely assume that it’s going to rain. Look up immediately and teach that spitting fella some manners!

Enough said. I took some pictures while I was at the corridor. Just ease your eyes with some unimpressive pictures outside the Instrumental lab.

This was where I was coming from, a very dark hallway

The lab

The front view of the corridor

The blue blue sky outside the lab. I bet today is gonna be another HOT day!

Not even a single cloud to filter the heat

The book I was reading

Oh well, since i cant go back Sabah, mind as well just go for the exam so i dont have to explain to his father the reason why i miss the exam. Lying to him seems to be very hard.

I hope they understand that i dont want to do this anymore cos there's no point anyway, I still can't get it! Maybe i should go for a BM class where they teach you how to speak BM in semenanjung slang so you wont get intimidated by those brainiac who can speak BM very well! So what if I can't speak like how they speak? Sipak karabau terajang trus! Kana bubut pun inda laju juga ba! Tau la sia tu, orang ulu duluan balik, yang berduit main duduk pun kena kasi suap juga beh! peiii...

And the dirty floor where I have seated

I wanted to take a picture of that spitting fella but it happened to fast and my hands were too slow..

Signing out..

ARK

Today I experienced myself the meaning of A.R.K (Act of Random Kindness).

I made a new friend today. A PhD student from Iraq. He came to get a little tutoring and guidance on Gas Chromatography for his analysis. I have to admit, his timing was a bit off as I need to focus on my analysis and do a lot of reading but turning him down seems to be very harsh as I always try my best to help anyone in every way I can even to those I barely knew.

The truth is, I have always been nice to international students.

First, I know how hard it was for them to blend in with the local students with all the differences. Even I myself, as a local Malaysian from Borneo found it very hard to be in the same frequency as they are just because of few redundant differences.

Secondly, I like to get to know new people and talk to them, not just for empty talks but for a real conversation. For example, like today, after we finished the ‘teaching’ session, this guy shared lot about peace he did not get from his country with me. He told me his experience when he was still back home where he has to be awake all night sitting at the front yard with a gun in his hand just so he can protect his family from any invasion. Though I don’t have a first-hand experience on that kind of situation, listening from his stories gave me goose bumps.

Plus, It’s always good to know their perspectives of culture and stuff. It helps to understand a bit why some Middle East students acted the way they did. This guy had been very open-minded in answering some of my sensitive questions. You wouldn’t believe if I say, he can speak Bahasa Malaysia very fluently, maybe better than me since my semenanjung slang is like a cat barking for food.

I was a bit worried, of course, because this ‘getting-to-know-you’ stuff seems to be a little bit extended to a stage where he insisted to buy me lunch. I said no initially, but he said he must since I was very helpful. Actually, I was more than helpful to him for a first-time meeting. I’ve had experience where people called me ‘stupid’ right to my face just because I don’t know stuff. But here I am teaching somebody the same thing I did not know about a year ago. Yes, this Iraqi fella doesn’t know a DAMN LOT of stuff about gas analysis. However, it does not qualify you to call him stupid just because you know a lot. I went through stages of learning to get to where I am now.

I know how it was in the past and because of those bitter experiences, I don’t think it’s nice to know another person facing the same humiliation as I did. So to celebrate my kindness to that person, I said yes to lunch. We weren’t alone of course, my brother’s friend joined us for lunch too.

Here are some pictures i took from Instrumental lab in Chemistry where I temporarily work.

My temporary work station from 8am-5pm

Where i spend most of my waitings..



Gas Chromatography Machine (used for gas separation analysis)
My best friend at the moment 'who' I hope won't make me cry again..

wind of change

I had a very good interview with a life science company at Megan Avenue II today. The interviewer was slightly serious yet very pleasant to me. He kept asking me why I wanted to do marketing job or sales when my options are wider given that I have a strong science background. He was surprised that I chose marketing/sales job over lab technologist post. I assured him that I have been in research field for years, and this time I would like to do something more outdoorsy and meeting people. He wasn’t convinced of course, so I had to satisfy him with a better answer. But we had a good session. There'll be a second interview for the shortlisted candidates.

I am not putting so much of hopes, I have learned from my previous mistake. I am just gonna go with the flow, building my confidence through interviews, perfecting my communication skills by being clear and concise with the information I am delivering during the interview. I am merely preparing myself for the big shot company so while I am at it, I just follow wherever the wind blows me.

Of course, you will ask me why would I change my field?

I like management jobs or marketing and I like being part of the system. Most importantly, I like doing something which makes me feel good. I like talking to people and get their perspectives of things. I am all about personal development rather than doing something that makes me feel stupid all the time. Research does not satisfy my personal development anymore though I used to be very good at problem solving and scientific troubleshooting when I was doing my undergrad thesis. But now, not anymore. My talents had been suppressed with the stagnant growth of my interest and I am very unmotivated. I am not interested in lectureship though I am doing a part-time teaching job in a center. But that’s just a part time job to sustain myself every month. Besides, my four-wheel bestfriend who followed me wherever I go needs to drink fuel every month too.

Don's get me wrong, research is a very good field, but it's no longer my thing anymore. I have passed through the stage of convincing myself about being a researcher.

Besides, if I do marketing or sales, I get to wear formal skirts like this... (cool huh?)

With my personality, which one suits me better?

This..

or this....

Jim.Valen

One reason to why I never celebrated V day in a 'supposedly' way? As a family person, I always reserve this day for the youngest one in the family. It's my brother’s day, only this time he is not here to blow the candles in Malaysia with us. Every year, while everyone is running around to buy presents for their loved one, we, the unmarried ones in the family, will be running around to find Jimmy's favorite stuff to give him as present. It became a tradition after almost 10 years of doing the same thing.

V day is always a family thing for us, after Jim cuts his cake, all the married ones will flaunt their wife/husband's gifts in front of all of us and I will be the loyal one who says, "Oh me goodness!! That's just so romantic!!"

This day is always meant for you, Jim.

JIMBAXTER VALEN,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIL’ BRO!

Hope you have a wonderful celebration in a Swiss way!

And I know you already did!

work madness

For the whole week, I’ve been cracking my head with thesis and juggling my time between lab works, unexpected errands, and my tuition classes. Not forgetting spending some time on job application and the interview preparation. At least what I could do this Friday night (to unwind myself from all this madness) is to hit the bar and have fun. Unfortunately, nothing best catch in but I was cool with it. I got GG to occupy my evening.

Frustrating as it always seems, Mr.T is in no mood for a night talk because he got too much of drinks with his colleagues tonight and he’s too sleepy to entertain any of my topic of conversation. He even slept while I was talking to him on the phone. As upset as I was with him, I have to let him off this time because I did want him to have some fun, especially after being a workaholic for weeks without a decent break! He deserves this reward so I’m just gonna put the case to rest and put away all these bitter feelings without complaining.

It’s a relief that I have the whole Saturday to do my work without time limits since Sunday is a working day for me as I have three science classes. *sigh*

It has been a tiring week for me. I am really looking forward to a nice hibernation at home.

signing out.... ready to hibernate..

Scientific frustration

Before i start my entry, pardon me for being too scientific today. I just need to LET OUT MY FRUSTRATION!! *sigh*

Being part of the research team is never easy. Yesterday was the second time I got my ‘calibration curve’ correctly with almost a perfect R-square linear for all tested chemical. The first time i was feeling so happy about this particular stage of my project is in last October when I was using the third Gas chromatography machine (the one i'm using now is the fourth since 2008). I had experienced this kind of bliss for two freaking times, and what happen in the end?? I had to go back to square one. ish

Happiness has proved its price. It wasn’t that easy.

Instead of resting my feet on the floor and facebook-ing/writing thesis/MSN-ing/email-ing/all the –ing I can do, I have to run around today after finding out I use the wrong method for the perfect result of my calibration curve. URGH!! *clenching fist* there goes a whole day of my sweet effort yesterday..

Doing it is not a problem since that’s what a researcher do. They keep searching until they can search no more. The thing is, one sample took ONE freaking' hour before going for the second sample!

One minute of sample injection, 15 minutes of online data acquisition from the GC run, 2 minutes of analysing report data in the offline page, 1 minute of report printing, and 41 minutes of looking at the empty wall while waiting for the GC to be ready for the next injection!

Internet shows some mercy to occupy some of my time or else it’s a lifetime torture.

It was an early day for me, running from home to Taman Desa at 6.30am to do some important errands, then back to UKM by 8.30am to prepare my sample for my 10 o’clock GC. Then, tutoring at 8-10pm. What else is there to spice up my insignificant life!

Signing out….. dozing off..

Romantically cheap

Valentine's Day. Love it or hate it. It comes around every year on February 14th like clockwork.

It’s funny when people start asking me about V day gifts and it’s even weirder to give ideas when I don’t celebrate V day myself like everybody does. Apart from the distance, T is a very practical unromantic guy so I don’t see a point going extra miles to impress him with my romantic talent, not that I have so much money to invest on this occasion. I bet he’ll just shrug and say thanks. Well, at least he’s being nice.

It’s true what my friends say, V day is too commercialized nowadays and some found it rather being manipulated by the occasion. Floweriest starts hiking the price, restaurants give their best offer to allure the celebrating lovers for profits and what else have I missed? The economy is really bad now, and breaking a bank will be a mission of impossible.

Whatever it is, here are some tips that I think you can try without going broke after V day. There are times I wish I can do all these and keep the ideas all to myself, but like I said there’s nothing that will impress him unless I finish my master as soon as possible. So there goes my suppressed romantic talents.

1. If you’re good in playing any instrument, it will be utterly romantic to write a music or song for them. I tried but I don’t have good lyrics so I decided not to bother. Besides, T is too much of a ‘man’ to understand the purpose/message of the song. If you can’t write, just sing any Britney song. If you can’t sing, try lip sync. Whatever it is, this should be really romantic, because it’s coming from your heart.

2. Get a really small bottle, maybe the size of your thumb or maybe slightly bigger. Pen something nice on fancy papers. Poem perhaps, or select quotes/poems from any famous writer like Shakespeare or Austen and tell your sweetheart why you chose that particular work of genius. Keep your love notes inside the bottle, and whatever goes after that, be creative. This could be classic.

3. Maybe you can make a homemade coupon like – ‘SPA AT HOME’ or “EAT ALL YOU CAN BUFFET” at home, but of course you have to cook ridiculously loads of food, and that means spending too. Maybe you should keep it a bit low profile. Be creative.

4. Make a Video (if your sweetheart is an ocean apart) – for an unromantic boyfriend like mine, they’ll probably prefer this more. They’ll enjoy fun gifts like this. Trust me, it’s an effort to win over their awful ego.

5. If you’re that lazy and no money, make a CD or MP3 playlist of love songs. I tried this before. It didn’t do me any justice, he fall asleep listening to my choice of songs.

6. If you’re awfully ridiculously lazy and calculative about money, then at least send an e-card. Make your sweetheart happy for once!

More Ideas? Don’t get me started on kinky ideas.

Before I sign out, let me remind you. Whatever you plan for V day, make it extra special. It doesn’t have to be material stuff; it’s the thoughtfulness that counts. Put some thought into it and make it PERSONAL. The effort you put into it will be worth every moment of bliss that is created out of it.

What’s my plan for V day? I am more than happier to celebrate it with my single girlfriends, you know what girls can do.

outdated tagging business..

This was done two weeks ago but I decided to post it here, in case you need something to read about. But im not here to tag people, its just something i'd like to share. Anyway you can find the same post in my facebook.

So here goes peeps…and be patient (I can be very bubbly so its a long way down)

Tagging title: 25 random things (about myself)

Tagged by: Emm and Lydia

1. Im now on my writing stage of my master project and I cant wait to get it done. If im gonna further my studies to phd, I want to do it overseas because the local education system is a bit frustrating sometimes.

2. I am not a two-timing person. I can only love one person at a time. Usually when I fall really in love with someone I will go all the way for that person. Its not easy to accept any person, so if I have chosen one, he’ll definitely be the guy (whom I carefully trusted with all my life, because you cant really trust a guy no matter how sweet they are on the surface).

3. Im scared of marriage so I don’t know whether I should be married but if im going to get married it has to be someone I want to be with and another thing is before I get married, I have to have at least 5 digit in my account (for safety reason), and I want to have a simple garden wedding if possible.

4. Before I die, I want to take piano classes and also drum classes because I like music very much. And maybe go for a vocal class if my time is not up yet. Haha!

5. I like playing guitar and I usually write my own songs during my free time (or when im inspired by some feelings) but I know my songs are very immature (Well its just for fun), and if I should, I want to upgrade my guitar skills.

6. I like books, I like reading and some day If I get to write a book, I would like to write a story about my life.

7. I bought my own car, with my own money and I do take care of my car like a baby. Sometimes I feed my car first before myself. Eg, I make sure I pay my monthly installments before thinking of spending my money for other things.

8. I do love my family, so much but there are times I feel like I’m the blacksheep in the family (hopefully in a good way).

9. I love my beautiful nieces and my handsome nephews. They are like my bestfriends in my family, because they listen to me, haha!

10. This part is supposed to be a secret but im going to tell you about it anyway. Well, I don’t get my sleep that fast, I guess my brain is very active at night and refuse to quit working. so usually I occupy my head with bedtime stories that I made up myself. For example, if im having a good mood, then mostly my bedtime stories are happy and romantic. Eg, a vampire falls in love with a human. (haha!) BUT, if im having my mood swings, then usually I dream about killing a monster or I murder my own character in my story. Creepy huh?

11. I like buying gadgets like electronic stuff etc, I like furnitures and I like buying bed sheets, because I like having peaceful sleeps at night (Remember, I usually struggle every night to get my sleep). No surprise most people who tried sleeping on my bed complimented the comfort of my bed, but in the end, they blamed me for falling asleep on my bed and losing track of their time! (so there’s pros and cons to the comfort of my bed)

12. I have everything a girl needs in my room. I have an IKEA chest drawer which i bought for a half price (got it through internet), and also the simplest version of a wardrobe from IKEA which was white when I first bought it and now the color turned a bit creamy, cos its old.

13. I am very careful with who I mix with, I don’t get influenced by my friends that easily because im a hard-headed person and I have my own style of dealing things.

14. Though I don’t get influenced that fast but I am a ‘yes’ person, its very hard to say no sometimes even when I want to.

15. I hate going out a lot cos im a home person, most of the time. So if you managed to drag me out from my sanctuary, then you must be lucky. Except when Im bored, I like to go out when Im tired of locking myself in the room.

16. Im a suffer in silence type. I don’t like telling people about my problems sometimes. Even when I do, I usually filter everything. I like my privacy and being alone is always my remedy when im sad.

17. I miss my father.

18. I always complained about wanting to be independent though I know my family is always happy to lend their helping hand. However, I whined sometimes because I don’t get much attention from my family like my younger sibs do. My eldest brother believed that ‘ I know what Im doing and whatever problems I have, I know how to get out from it’, so that’s why I didn’t get that much of attention from them, which has its own pros and cons.

19. Friends are also my family, whom I chose.

20. I believed in Jesus Christ and I am a God-fearing person though I sinned a lot.

21. I get physically tired easily and I hate getting tired because I think there’s so much to do when you’re full of energy.

22. I am a girl who has a lot of dreams but pessimism holds me back. Sometimes I wish im a guy so I don’t have to worry about safety that much. Urgh, people always say im an easy target. Its not fun being seen that way.

22. I want to go backpacking with my guy friends, because with guy friends (the one that can be trusted), I feel safer travelling.

23. I have more guy friends than girl friends and in my life I only have two friends whom I take as my BFF (three actually, but we lost her last year after a terrible accident). The two that I always keep in my heart is neena and belle, and we lived far apart. (Vero, you're still in my heart too..)

24. I can’t believe im getting older. Urgh, can I be a “Benjamin Button” who gets younger each day?

25. I believed that, “before you love others, you should love yourself, if you don’t then you’re only ruining yourself and others at the same time”.

The end.

Signing out...

new skin, new direction

I decided to be lazy today. I guess, the current blog skin will do. It’s the only skin that suits my eyes so far, hence I have no excuse to be choosy.

My expertise in computer language is very minimal, so Im gonna stick to this skin for a little while until I decide to be creative with the html again.

I have also decided to open up a bit, and spread a little word about my blog. My blog used to be a private thing for me and only close friends would know about the existence of my blog. That’s because I write mostly about my sentiments, and when I do, it’s technically written straight from the heart without thinking or even considering any typo. After all, the blog title says enough about my page.

I have to agree, feelings is a very private thing, there are some information you can share just so your friends would know more about you, but there are feelings that meant to be kept inside forever.

Since I have more visitors/readers now, I think I should be a bit reserved and careful with my writings especially on sensitive topics. I am not hiding my true color peeps, I just think transparency should be in a correct level. I don’t think everybody wants to know everything about a person cos too much information can be quiet hazardous to human kind (hehe..).

Nevertheless, I don’t usually write for fun and make people figured you are totally an empty can, so most of my entries are about my experience and how I feel about things. I hope the level of my transparency is so far in a correct place.

Signing out….

new skin

-This blog is under series of modification-

Im bored with the old skin. If I still can’t make up my mind, this will be the new skin. My preferences are too narrow (Im too traditional), I can’t seem to find one that suits me best.

If you happened to find one which fits all the criteria of skin which im looking for, pls let me know guys..

1. Simple non-striking background.

2. No colourful images or complicated illustration.

3. A two-column skin.

4. Wide skin (probably 1024x of size). I like something wide and concise in one scroll (too much of scrolling make me dizzy).

Please bear with me guys..

Sigining out… still deciding..

SNAKE dream... (gulp!)

I had a nightmare last night and woke up feeling horror. I checked the time and it was 7am sharp. The dream seems so vivid in my memory and my room was still dark. I got scared and immediately dialed T’s number, I know he’ll be awake by then for work. He was actually surprised to see my call as I always text him before sleeping and he’ll know what time I slipped into my bed. He comforted me and assured me to go back to sleep as I just had 3 hours of sleep.

I went back to sleep and I thought I will forget about my nightmare the moment I shut my eyes again. I got up 3 hours later and that dream was still dancing in my memory. Something is wrong, I usually forget my dreams after hours of having it and the subsequent sleep didn’t help either.

So here I am trying to interpret my dreams.

It happened in Taman Desa. I just reached home and was entering the house when I saw a long green large cylindrical hose resting against the wall on the floor. It took me few minutes to recognize what it was. GASP! A snake! It was as big as my thigh, probably bigger and it’s green. I didn’t know what kind of snake it was until it hits me. Yes it was an anaconda. But it was lying quietly on the floor, not moving. I walked into the house to examine the length of it, right in the corner at another staircase inside the house was its tail, only skin left, the meat was all gone. Owh, my maid killed it already. But where is the head? So I went and searched for the head, it was at the staircase outside facing the entrance door and I actually passed it when I entered the house without realizing the head is there! How did I not know that? There’s nothing much to do as the snake is already dead. So I went to the backyard of the house to regain my consciousness, and when I was outside, I turned around to see same snake which I thought was already dead attacking my younger sister. So I stepped into the house to rescue my sister whose head was already inside the snake’s mouth, I can’t remember pulling my sister away but what I remembered after that was, I was stepping onto its head again and again, and surprisingly it didn’t fight back. The snake actually obeyed me and I looked up to find my younger sister and the maid feeling nothing as though the snake wasn't there in the first place, in fact they were busy catching something on TV! I was confused, the snake obeyed me and my sister didn't actually know I saved her life. Weirdness. Before I could ask her, I got up from my nightmare.

I was so anxious about the dream, so I googled it. I found few interesting insights and theories about snake dream but some are too freaky to understand. Let’s journey with me on this quest of my SNAKE dream interpretation .

Some interpretations I got from the internet didn’t really fit into the current situation I am having in my life right now, so I’m just gonna include those which are relevant and interesting… (hehe)..

One source says…

In writing about Snake Symbolism, Gillian Holloway, Ph.D. wrote, "People who are dying or who have lost a loved one often dream of snakes, at or near the time of death. For whatever reason, these dreams seem involved with the psychic awareness of the transition from this life to the next...."

Errrrr, this is creepy enough. I meant I did lose someone I love, but for me to know that my time is up…??? That’s a bit outrageous, ok let’s move on before my hair goes up…

Another source says..

If in a snake dream you overcome and kill a threatening snake in your dream, it shows that you will overcome your adversary and win out.

I like this one. Wait. In my dream, I saw a snake which turned out to be dead after some investigation. Then when I turned my back on it, it started attacking my sister, behind me, and I caught it red-handed. And the snake obeyed when I tried to kill it, and my sister didn’t know that her head was almost swallowed by a giant snake. So what I can say here is that, I saw danger coming, so I tried to analyse the level of risk it might bring to us, found out it was nothing to worry about, then turn around to focus on something else. But then, the moment i put the case to rest, it strike again (behind my back!) and attack my family, or the person I love. And when I take the matter into my hand, it goes the way I wanted it to be. Am I the key to resolution or triumphant? I can’t be sure…

Let’s look at other analogy..

One source is more perspective, it goes straight to the point to what I have been experiencing in my life lately.

STEP 1: QUESTIONS to help you make associations (pick the one that makes most sense to you)
- Did you particularly dislike some bad atmosphere the day before the dream?
- What do you fear will strike at any moment?
- What bad relationships have been troubling you yesterday?
- Has someone been behaving in a nasty or deceptive way?
- Do you feel that someone is trying to draw you into a dispute?
- What creative projects have you been wrestling with?
- Do you feel that the snake could be a phallic symbol linking to sexual activity at the time of the dream?

STEP 2:

KEY WORDS : write down some quotes that capture your key feelings on issues that have been dominating your mind

I came up with these…

THESIS

JOBLESS

STEP THREE: KEY PHRASES

There were dozens of phrases, and the ones that are irrelevant so far was these two,

"I just cannot deal with that” – (Keyword: Jobless)

"Its a task which I cannot seem to conquer - I am just lacking creativity and insight" (Keyword: Thesis)

STEP FOUR: ESSAY : What is the symbolic meaning of snakes in dreams?

1. In many cases the snake may refer to people you do not like or do not trust. (At this moment, not really)

2. Snakes may refer to difficult situations that you feel you are being sucked into. (Very likely!)

"I just don't want to be DRAWN INTO the dispute. But I cannot seem to stay neutral"[Dream symbol - snake]

3. The snake may represent some fear that may strike at any moment. (Recession is gonna hit Malaysia? Then I lose every chance to get a job? Ouch!)

"The company could go bankrupt at ANY MOMENT and I'll lose my job"[Dream symbol - snake]

4. Snakes link a great deal to difficult relationships. (I’m happy with T)

5. Snakes can link to intellectual and problems which you just cannot seem to solve. (BINGO!)

"I have been wrestling with this project for some time now. I have been working night and day on it"[Dream symbol - wrestling with an Anaconda]

"This project is really proving a difficult one. I am CONSTANTLY WORKING on it night and day"[Dream symbol - wrestle with Anaconda]

"I have been struggling to understand a problem I am researching at the laboratory. I have concentrated on this for ages now but the solution is eluding me "[Dream symbol - snakes]

Signing out... in confusion..

My Bizarro

I wished I had a better control of my own temper. I do have a pretty bad mood swings. As much as I really want to control my bizarro at times, it needs needs to get out, especially after fostering it inside for a longer time. But I do believe in patience and sometimes mistakes taught me to be better.

Of course I am talking from experience.

I had a fight with T for a very stupid argument, and we ended up not in speaking terms for the whole week of my good holiday. I guess girls can be very melodramatic sometimes especially when they don’t get their ways. I have to agree with that. Regardless, I have a terrible pride and I always reasoned myself that I need this pride to survive. It’s the only thing that helps you to move on when disappointments get in your ways, or when things didn’t turn out as you want it to be.

I have a very good collection of disappointments in my memory, and for most part, pride saved my dignity. That’s how I keep my heads up while keeping my fingers crossed for a better tomorrow. But of course there should be a good management of surfacing your pride. You cant be holding your pride everywhere or you’ll lose something precious in return.

I just want my bizarro to be a little less hideous, or I’ll lose the person I love. I should be lucky T is always the composed type, but I wouldn’t take that for granted. So I am trying my best to be a better person, not only for him but for myself cos being happy is really fun and I don’t want to wait until I grow wrinkles on my face to regret. Eww!

Signing out... angry less...