Bringing life to God's presence

Life is like a long winding road with crossroads at every corner. I used to think that life is easy that you should just buckle up your seat belt and drive. But life doesn’t really work that way. You need some good song to clear the awkward silence and sometimes a good companion that can make you laugh along the road.

Okay, let say we have some good collection of Cds to switch each and everytime we finish listening to one, and yes we have good companions that can entertain us at the same time. But what if we missed the junction which we supposed to take to go the the right destination? Yes, we can take the U-turn and come back to the point before the junction. But life is way tricky than that. Even when you make a U-turn, you end up heading to a different direction. So what can we do?

We always assumed there will be solutions to every crisis. We think we know what we are doing and where we are going. But how if, we are lost, and tired, and thirsty and alone, all at the same time? How do you feel when anxiety took all your confidence away? How can we go on? Get a map? (You are allowed to laugh)

Yes, go back to the basic, to where you come from and start all over again. This time you know which turning you should take and which you shouldn’t.

On the other hand, if you know where you are going, because you got a GPS system installed in your car. You got nothing to worry about because you know where you’re heading to and you will get to your destination on time. Okay, that’s the good part of it. But do you know you are missing something despite saving all your energy and time?

The map, because we don’t need it. When you have a GPS system in your car, why the fuss of having a map? (SNORT!!) You don’t need a map.

But one thing we didn’t know about the map. The map is God Himself manifesting his teaching in a bible. When we are lost, we used the map to direct us to the right point. Likewise, when you are spiritually lost, we can refer to the bible and learn God’s way.

GPS system is the modernization of the world today. You can see dependable high technologes everywhere and human energy is now pretty much not needed. Even at home, with the technology at hand, we can save more time and energy.

I have my bible with me, but it was kept neatly beside my bed covered with dust. That’s enough to explain how lost I am, not on the road but in my life as a whole because im relying so much on technology at hand without realizing the map is simply the only thing I need when nothing else is reliable anymore.

I know I am lost. I realize I am longing for God’s presence in my life.

Free Music

We are "Malaysians"!!

I was going through the malay news when I saw the article about Namewee, the guy who insulted the national anthem by calling it "negarakuku". I told my housemate about it and she found him in youtube. As a music lover, the music he made was quite impressive – his voice and the rappings. But after reading the translation in english, I was like “this guy is really calling for trouble”. Obviously, it was very provoking although the rhythm is quite entertaining but that is the National Anthem for God sake, he used his talent in a wrong way.

I am not against him or even the malays or any other races. Honestly speaking, I do have some dissatisfactions about the malays, the chinese, the indians, and even my own race. I don’t think it’s the races that make all of us like what some think we are – it is the PEOPLE!!!! And totally not their RACES!!!!

I do have malay, indian and chinese friends who are really hardwoking and who are not! I don’t see any differences between all of us because all races are equally the same. The only different thing is that “how they were brought up since young. If this Namewee guy has the guts to make a public statement in that song, don’t you think it must have been triggered when he was growing up? We start learning about life from our parents. We imitate the way they view life as a whole. Most of my friends who did well in their life came from a very decent family, a family who knows what respect means, who knows and understand differences and who knows what’s good and bad.

We often heard people say “Orang melayu pemalas, penjenayah!!“Orang cina kedekut, kasar, penipu besar, dan suka merendah-rendahkan orang lain!”, “Orang India kejam, pemabuk, berbadan busuk, dan mulut manis!”

But come to think of it, how will these contribute to the unity of all races for the continuation of peace and harmony in our country?



Yes, I know the government can be unfair and ridiculous sometimes, and some people are as what they said they are, but why make ourselves the victim? Why do we trigger the sensitive issues about races? Other countries are killing each other because of the difference in religions and races, I don’t think any of us would want to see the chaos.

Let's think about our next generation. Let's build them not by differences but knowledge, acceptance and respect.


If there are 100 people like this guy, I don’t know how long our ‘peace and harmony’ will last. I don't know if i can even go to "Masjid India", "Brickfields", "Shah Alam", "Petaling Street", "Cheras", and come out alive.

For an instance, look at the people and the culture in Sabah, no matter how different you are, ‘aramai tii’ is still “aramai tii”.

weirdo?

I was with my sister yesterday, helping her carrying all the bags filled with all the things she just bought. I feel like a porter following her around with all the bags in my two small hands. I was really exhausted and my head thumping mercilessly. There was no time to rest that day but still I have no idea why I am willing to be bounced like a ball and go wherever I was asked to. Maybe I thought that was better than getting hurt by her sharp words.

One time, my sister went to the SK II booth to buy the beauty products she needs and as she was complaining about her dry skin to that promoter, that girl just made my day when she responded to my sis “Is it hot in your country?” I feel like, “Yea, malaysia is hot!” but I know that she must have thought we are not from malaysia. So my sister was playing along until she gave up and says, “We are from Sabah.”

We get that almost everytime we go shopping or going places. People thought we are not local, maybe because we can’t speak the malay slang in peninsular that we prefer to communicate in english and my sister always speak as though she is from Australia or something. Me and Jim always look at each other with a sneer when she do that. But yea, it feels weird having people stare at you trying to figure out where you come from. It happened a lot of times that it feels like we are being alienated.

Some thought we are from the Phillipines or Indonesia. Some figured we are Pan Asian, and some even thought we are Japanese????!!!!!!!!!!! I know it’s ridiculous but we do get that and it’s tiring! My sister told me once that my dad’s grandmother or maybe his mother has mix-blood but there’s no proof of that since my dad became an orphan when he was 5 years old, and grew up with his only sister till she died when he was 11.

There was also one time when I was flying back to KL, I gave a prank to a lady sitting next to me. I told her my grandmother is an australian, and her answer was just as expected, she said “yea, I can see that.” It was damn hilarious.

I guess, I might as well play along next time and see the look on their face. It’s funny and I know I will enjoy every minute of it.

another gloomy weather

I was in the lab today and again my body is still weak. But there are things to be done today. I was supposed to have GC training with the science officer but the machine wasn't in a good state since there's a leaking somewhere. We have no choice but to postpone the training, again!!!! So I did some small work on media preparation and sterilisation before i start running my sample again. The day was gloomy, so was I. I got no energy and no mood to join my other lab mates on their hot topic of the day.

While I was busy doing some work in the other lab, my lab mates went for lunch. Of course like usual they go without me. But I know I shouldn’t get mad just because I was not informed about the lunch since they know I don’t like the food served in the café and moreover I brought some lunch with me.

While waiting for the autoclave, I walked down to my car because I left my food there. I was so hungry that I ended up eating my lunch in the car. Alone but it doesn’t matter to me because I am used to it. I remember when I first came here, having lunch and dinner alone was practically usual and somehow I enjoyed the silence. Some people think it’s weird but for me it’s weirder to have someone clinging onto you at all times.

T is leaving for Penang soon and of course that is not a good news. But at the same time, I am happy that he’s leaving for his career and I know it means a lot to him.

Jim just got a key for my easy access to my sister’s place in Taman Desa. The security guard was already informed of my presence at any time of the week. I am still thinking whether to move out to my sister’s place or stay in the current place. I'll have to wait till i finish my list of 'staying' or 'not staying'.

A sad story i could only tell

My little niece told me once about this story and it made me cry when she uttered word by word telling me how unfair the people around her can be. There are times I am in the position. It is so difficult to be nice to everyone. How much kindness you have to give to someone? Until it gets to your nerve or until it made u cry?

Aren is Beeny’s friend. Beeny loves to eat burger. One day, Aren was hungry, and there was only Beeny’s burger left. Beeny was not really hungry, as much as Beeny loves the burger which Beeny wished to keep for dinner, Beeny offered Aren her burger. Aren was happy and gave Beeny the sweetest smile she can give. In fact, Beeny doesn’t mind at all. Beeny is just glad that Aren is happy.

One day, Beeny is sick so Beeny couldn’t go anywhere. Aren wanted to eat again but she has no money at the moment. She wanted to borrow Beeny’s money, but Beeny needs the money to buy her medicine which in the end she did buy the medicine with the money she has. Aren did not know that Beeny needs the money for medicine nor she wanted to know Beeny's reason, so she was really furious because Beeny did not help her. Aren was moody the whole day. Her father asked what went wrong and did Beeny hurt her? Her response made it obvious to her father that it’s Beeny’s fault.

Beeny heard the story and was very upset. How could Aren be so cruel to her. Beeny wanted to get angry and feel like telling Aren off but Beeny just couldn’t because Aren is her friend. Aren always get what she wanted and if she does not get it, she’ll start putting face and cry. What could Beeny do, she’s so tiny in the situation. So she kept silent and waited for Aren to say something so Beeny could explain herself. But then again, it’s best to let it go, and that is why Beeny like to be alone.

Some people doesn’t understand the hardship we have to go through and somehow it’s not fair to expect them to understand, I know. But why do we need to scratch ourselves to make the people around you happy? So that they will always think you’re such a nice and sweet person because you are willing to go all they way for them??????

Why did I go so far away from my family? Because I couldn’t stand the pressure and the expectations.

Sometimes it is so frustrating to be a daughter, a sister, a student and a friend. You have to do what they WANT you to do.

I think I mentioned a lot of times, I hate expectations but it keeps on coming to me. I had enough of people telling me what they want me to do for them. Yea, maybe that’s why I like to be alone. I survived being alone so I don’t really mind if I have to do it again and again.

Life that i loved!!

for many weeks, a lot of things changed gradually without seeing it coming. My brother has got married to his fiancee of a year which also suits him perfectly and the day the wedding took place, everyone just can't believed he is married. He has been single for long and we've met few of his flames in the past, some were approved by family and some were not but i think everything is already planned from the start. He is destined to be with her, only time matters. I was stunned when i found out he spent around rm40K for the whole ceremony. WOW!! getting married is not cheap, if u decide not to elope or 'kahwin kampung'. Well, what can he do. everyone in the family wanted it big. lucky some contributed or else he'll be damn broke.

The wedding is just 'wow', i must say it's the wedding of the year! everything was organized perfectly and the holes are filled just right. Everyone anticipated for the moment and all of us enjoyed every bit of it. Say no more, it was a day to remember and i love it to the max...

Then again, there was the Rainforest World Music Fest 2007 which was held in Damai Cultural Village, Sarawak. Before going, i was thinking if i should just go or cancel the plan, but my friends are expecting me and i just can't seem to dissappoint them. But now if you ask me, i would tell you it was never a regret paying a visit to my dear friends in sarawak and at the same time party with them despite spending over a K during my visit (which also include the ticket). It was fun and never will i forget those moments i spent with them.

There are more to tally here but telling it all in one go isn't fun, right? i'll leave some space for you to figure out what will come next in my post. hahaha.