another gloomy weather

I was in the lab today and again my body is still weak. But there are things to be done today. I was supposed to have GC training with the science officer but the machine wasn't in a good state since there's a leaking somewhere. We have no choice but to postpone the training, again!!!! So I did some small work on media preparation and sterilisation before i start running my sample again. The day was gloomy, so was I. I got no energy and no mood to join my other lab mates on their hot topic of the day.

While I was busy doing some work in the other lab, my lab mates went for lunch. Of course like usual they go without me. But I know I shouldn’t get mad just because I was not informed about the lunch since they know I don’t like the food served in the café and moreover I brought some lunch with me.

While waiting for the autoclave, I walked down to my car because I left my food there. I was so hungry that I ended up eating my lunch in the car. Alone but it doesn’t matter to me because I am used to it. I remember when I first came here, having lunch and dinner alone was practically usual and somehow I enjoyed the silence. Some people think it’s weird but for me it’s weirder to have someone clinging onto you at all times.

T is leaving for Penang soon and of course that is not a good news. But at the same time, I am happy that he’s leaving for his career and I know it means a lot to him.

Jim just got a key for my easy access to my sister’s place in Taman Desa. The security guard was already informed of my presence at any time of the week. I am still thinking whether to move out to my sister’s place or stay in the current place. I'll have to wait till i finish my list of 'staying' or 'not staying'.

A sad story i could only tell

My little niece told me once about this story and it made me cry when she uttered word by word telling me how unfair the people around her can be. There are times I am in the position. It is so difficult to be nice to everyone. How much kindness you have to give to someone? Until it gets to your nerve or until it made u cry?

Aren is Beeny’s friend. Beeny loves to eat burger. One day, Aren was hungry, and there was only Beeny’s burger left. Beeny was not really hungry, as much as Beeny loves the burger which Beeny wished to keep for dinner, Beeny offered Aren her burger. Aren was happy and gave Beeny the sweetest smile she can give. In fact, Beeny doesn’t mind at all. Beeny is just glad that Aren is happy.

One day, Beeny is sick so Beeny couldn’t go anywhere. Aren wanted to eat again but she has no money at the moment. She wanted to borrow Beeny’s money, but Beeny needs the money to buy her medicine which in the end she did buy the medicine with the money she has. Aren did not know that Beeny needs the money for medicine nor she wanted to know Beeny's reason, so she was really furious because Beeny did not help her. Aren was moody the whole day. Her father asked what went wrong and did Beeny hurt her? Her response made it obvious to her father that it’s Beeny’s fault.

Beeny heard the story and was very upset. How could Aren be so cruel to her. Beeny wanted to get angry and feel like telling Aren off but Beeny just couldn’t because Aren is her friend. Aren always get what she wanted and if she does not get it, she’ll start putting face and cry. What could Beeny do, she’s so tiny in the situation. So she kept silent and waited for Aren to say something so Beeny could explain herself. But then again, it’s best to let it go, and that is why Beeny like to be alone.

Some people doesn’t understand the hardship we have to go through and somehow it’s not fair to expect them to understand, I know. But why do we need to scratch ourselves to make the people around you happy? So that they will always think you’re such a nice and sweet person because you are willing to go all they way for them??????

Why did I go so far away from my family? Because I couldn’t stand the pressure and the expectations.

Sometimes it is so frustrating to be a daughter, a sister, a student and a friend. You have to do what they WANT you to do.

I think I mentioned a lot of times, I hate expectations but it keeps on coming to me. I had enough of people telling me what they want me to do for them. Yea, maybe that’s why I like to be alone. I survived being alone so I don’t really mind if I have to do it again and again.

Life that i loved!!

for many weeks, a lot of things changed gradually without seeing it coming. My brother has got married to his fiancee of a year which also suits him perfectly and the day the wedding took place, everyone just can't believed he is married. He has been single for long and we've met few of his flames in the past, some were approved by family and some were not but i think everything is already planned from the start. He is destined to be with her, only time matters. I was stunned when i found out he spent around rm40K for the whole ceremony. WOW!! getting married is not cheap, if u decide not to elope or 'kahwin kampung'. Well, what can he do. everyone in the family wanted it big. lucky some contributed or else he'll be damn broke.

The wedding is just 'wow', i must say it's the wedding of the year! everything was organized perfectly and the holes are filled just right. Everyone anticipated for the moment and all of us enjoyed every bit of it. Say no more, it was a day to remember and i love it to the max...

Then again, there was the Rainforest World Music Fest 2007 which was held in Damai Cultural Village, Sarawak. Before going, i was thinking if i should just go or cancel the plan, but my friends are expecting me and i just can't seem to dissappoint them. But now if you ask me, i would tell you it was never a regret paying a visit to my dear friends in sarawak and at the same time party with them despite spending over a K during my visit (which also include the ticket). It was fun and never will i forget those moments i spent with them.

There are more to tally here but telling it all in one go isn't fun, right? i'll leave some space for you to figure out what will come next in my post. hahaha.

untitled issues

I notice my post is getting shorter with time, im not sure if I’m losing the passion to write or am I getting older? I’m not saying old people don’t write, in fact they usually make a good writing. I am just not sure where this is going anymore. I’m not sure if I should stop writing.

I’m thinking, should I write about the world or the current issues to make my page very interesting for the viewers? But it’s not something inspirational for me. I don’t know what to say about the world, yea of course the world is getting smaller and full with corruption but my writing won’t make any difference, right?

Speaking of the current issues, last Saturday I met our former prime minister, Tun Dr Sri Mahathir in BORDERS bookstore in Time Square, KL (OF ALL PLACES!). Yea, you heard about him going against Pak Lah some time ago. I don’t know what really happened in the end but I should have the answer when I read the book “Mahathir Vs Abdullah” which is actually residing on my table right now (just waiting for time to be flipped with fascination). People, we should be proud of him. He’s definitely a public figure and influencial to our nation. If I was wearing a decent clothing at that time (well, it was just a simple black top without sleeve, nothing very revealing, but still I wish i am wearing something enough to cover my puncture wound and my orion star), I would have been there like a little girl asking him for an autograph or a picture with him. Sure you’ll be jealous of me, rightttt???? Yeaaaa, I know whatever it is, there’s no picture or even an autograph of the great leader.

Speaking of meeting people, I met Yanus too. You know the bald guy in ‘So You Think You can dance’ TV show. No, not the dancer in the show, I am talking about the guy with the cap who give comments everytime the dancers finished delivering their pair performance. YES, that guy! Hmmm, I understand only those who watch the show is at the frequency I’m at right now. Never mind. Comes to it, I gotta let go the keyboard now, the programme is showing now and I can’t miss the show for the world. Till then!

P/s hmm, quite a long post. Let the post speaks for itself then.

A bad phase

Today i feel so poor and unproductive, feel so tired of everything. My PC is not working, and my laptop just collapsed when i need it the most.. Though i practically have 2 laptops and a pc, but none of it seems to be working at this critical moment. (SIGH!).. That's the physical part of it... Let's go to my health condition. I am having tonsilitis and it's damn painful, sore throat seems to be so happy to torture me and there goes my mouth ulcer. What's wrong with everything today? Everything is going haywire and making me go crazy today.

Everyone is having relationships downturn including me, i guess tharmaindra is having his mood swings today because of the whole project thing (and of course i am not in a position to make things easy for him).... i guess i need to revise my horoscope for the month (yea rite! as if it's very useful and reliable at this time)

poor me!

why was I not pampered?

Was with my family for almost a week, as much as I try to avoid them, it’s weird that it feels much better than I thought. I need to feel belong at times. I know I don’t really have a perfect family that I can rely on at times of need. But one thing happened that make me realize why my family seemed to ignore what I need. It came out from one of my cousin (through marriage cousin), we were talking about how we should be responsible with our own future and how we should develop ourselves, and he said to me “well, things seems easy for you though”

“why u say that?”

“well, I can tell the person you are the minute I saw you. You seem to like to do things on your own, you don’t like to get everybody involve with your life, and if u unintentionally get people involved, you get worried, scared and feel insecure after then. And, you get mad with yourself”

Is that true? Is it because I am too independent and immersed myself too much in my own wonderland that sometimes my family doesn’t pamper me like how they pamper my younger sibs? or was he being sarcastic and judging me rashly? Hmm, well if that is true then, yea it explains a lot.