Thursday, December 16, 2004

more of today...

what can i share with you people here is.... neena called again this morning and it was just something very sweet that she made an effort to strengthen our friendship by calling every morning to check in (now i realized how suck i am when it comes to keeping in touch, and how lucky i am to have a friend like neena) see like i said in my friendster's profile, ppl like neena has the capacity to love...we love each other so much that it wasnt hard to call each other just to say hi.. she sent me a box all the way from kuching for my birthday and guess what's inside... it's a lifetime supply of medicines and some goodies!! well neena, i think you can be a good doctor someday... love you *mwah* *mwah*

Listening to Jim Brickman now and let me tell you, if you want to have a peaceful mind for a moment, listen to his music. thanks to jer for the recommendation...

today i had a pleasant conversation with my project supervisor, it is true that communication is important. it's not just about completing our duties and all, it's about the effectiveness of a communication to find the middle ground bwteen both parties involved. However, it takes two to tango. We (Ms.Teoh n I) talked about my KL and Bangkok trip, it was good to hear her opinion. at least it helps me to decide whether i should go for a holiday with my family or give priorities to my project. Im going to KL tomorrow so it's too late to cancel that now but i guess a trip to bangkok can wait. I've been talking to a friend about priorities, and i asked her which should i choose, family or my studies and she said that both are also important. It is not necessary for me to choose either one since i can have both at the same time. the only thing is i need to manage my time wisely and of course i should make my family understand what is important for me at the moment, maybe i can make it up to them after my project deadline. it is like making a decision whether you should buy the chocolate cake or the ice-cream cake. you can have both if you want, piece of cake bah! hehehehhe....

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

things i learned from caroling

today was my bad hair day. I was in the lab earlier this morning and something came up
which distract my focus on i decided to go back to my room and rest, maybe i was still tired after last night's carolling. came home quite late. i think we went to more than 20 houses in Kingfisher last night. Ray joined along, it was quite amazing that he actually sang with us...... :)

today's carroling is a bit alive for me... it was also quite amazing how we suddenly click with the "pom pom" boys. i called aunty catherine's boys the pom pom boys because they were the backup singer for "feliz navidad" song. They went like "pom pom pom" everytime we sing that song... i didnt know their names at first, and that is why i called them pom pom boys. it started when alvin (whom they called Ah Bin) was missing when we were about to leave aunty catherine's house for 6 more houses. then, it was either Leo or Brian who went and find him. When they came back to the bus, alvin's brother (Bailey) asked whether he was playing warcraft or not. Chris was evesdropping and when he heard the word "warcraft" he suddenly got so excited and started talking with the boys about warcraft. in the end, that was all they talked about from the 1st to the last hse. it was fun though, getting to know these young kids.

what im trying to say here is that, today is the last day of our caroling, and only today managed to break the ice with the boys. before then, we hardly speak to each other.Every night when we reached the last hse,we usually combine with another caroling group and dinner was provided by the host. The member from the other group looked very close with each other, probably because most of them are teens and around the same age.

i guess in our case, "warcraft" is not just about a's about how it breaks the ice and bring people closer. it's a shame that we didn't manage to break the ice since the first day of caroling. I guess its normal since it always happened in our life, it takes time to get close to someone.

Just like KML, even UMS. when we are so close to the end, everything came into places. all the gaps are filled. then we realized how much we've wasted the time we had. But that is how things go. every begining came with an end. so like it or not, we still have to say "GOODBYEs" to the people we said "HIs"....

Monday, December 13, 2004

strive to betterment

i see many tears, some are just happiness and some are hurtful tears... why do we go on mourning about our life? why? why do we question about the puzzles in our life? why not we just shut up and fix it? all of us may look the same but how we look at our life is different from one and another, it is just so subjective. some people think that life is all about FUN, FUN, FUN...and some thinks that it is about MONEY...MONEY..MONEY or WOMAN...WOMAN...WOMAN!!! No one can really give life a precise definition which is approved by all clusters of community in every corner of this planet. Life has a lot of different meaning to every individuals. how life affect and build you as a person is the core of how you will infinitely define life. Some are independant because life taught them to be a person who stands at their own feet, they have seen many violences, happiness and a lot of other events in life. They experience it by going through the hardships of life. They cry, stumble and fall but they rise again to see what hope is left for them, so they could once again mould back the crushed pieces to regain the foundation of their beings. they think life is like gambling. If you depends on other people, you cannot see the victory before your eyes..all you can see are tunnels of despondency and miseries. you have to be brave and open up your eyes to see the chances that could enrich the betterment of your life. Most importantly, you have to be optimistic all the time, it washes away all doubts. Just like the story of "the polar express" which tells about a boy who does not believe of the existence of Santa clause. His doubts make him impossible to hear a sound of a bell. Everybody can hear the beautiful sound from the reindeers's bell. He tried very hard to believe and santa finally heard him, the boy was then chosen to be the first one to get santa's gift. Who could have known that all he wanted for xmas is to hear the sound of the bell, so santa took one of the bell from the reindeers and gave it to him.. finally,his wish came through. he heard the true sound of the bell... What can i see from this story is that, you have to believe. even if the hopes are too frail, we should still have faith and start believing.

and of course...there is God, who keep us strong...He is the Root of life and the base of all foundations. We have to have faith in God because He He gave us purpose in life. If you can remember the movie "matrix", it mentioned about every programme in the matrix which has its own purpose...e.g, Sati, she is a programme which controls the sun rise and sun sets. (correct me if im wrong). if a programme has no purpose, then it should be eliminated.

every day, every hour, every minute and every seconds, we consumed energy, we did a lot of things. we get tired at the end of the day. but before you go for restoration period, you should ask yourself, what have you done today? what are the good and the bad things that have you done for the whole one day.... did you give more than you take? or is it more to "taking" and less "giving"? ask yourself, did you strive for betterment or declare a discreet war to your inner-self? Before you even think of pointing fingers at anyone, see yourself in the mirror... and again, ask yourself!

Thursday, December 09, 2004


Originally uploaded by fellie.
we went to Moyog river for a picnic with lab seniors. It was actually chelven's, melvin's and helena's birthday. It was fun...
behind left : adrian, angm gord, clz, cindy, melvin, thien.
front left: chel, grace, me, jo, annie and helena.

Have I changed? That’s what one of my friend said to me last night. We went for a hse to hse caroling and she sat next to me and I duno how we suddenly talk abt spiritual stuff, oh well I did most of the talking of course. And she was like wow, since when I became a monk…something like that… *giggles* …back to the topic..have I changed? Can you tell? Erm, not entirely I guess because I still have some of my old behaviors… old habits die hard.. The only difference is maybe,my faith in God are stronger now. I start reading bibles and pray a lot. I’m interested in church’s activities, see???? Have I changed??? It’s true that if we want to be more faithful to God, there are few things we need to sacrifice. Maybe like stop watching porn movies or going to strip club, subscribing playboy magazine or maybe drinking and f**king around….hahhahaha, hey hey, doesnt mean i do all that stuff okay… im just giving examples!!

Yesterday was a busy day for me… woke up at 6am to do my resume ( I missed the morning mass!!) then classes straight from 8am to 12pm. we had briefing about industrial training for half an hour after class… lab again at 2pm till 5pm then rush home…(stucked in a massive jam some more!!!) went for art class from 6-8pm, then straight to hse to hse caroling till 10.30pm. I dozed off right after my bath. It was tiring but its better than doing nothing.

Right at this moment, Im thinking of belle, neena, Irene and mavis…..damn!!! I miss them so much!!

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