Tuesday, October 31, 2006

stagnant blog, stagnant life

Im tired and my blog is stagnant for a week now. Time like this, I can’t really think… I have to be inspired by something to write again…. Let me take my precious time to refresh my mind and reflects on everything that goes around me..

I am 24 now, the number is big enough to indicate that I am no more a daddy’s girl but like tharmaindra said im alrdy a lady so I should be more serious about what’s ahead of me and he’s right about that. Each day I see myself and I see people around me, so much changes evolving around us and some can’t really comprehend to this development. Just like a 12 or 13 year-old girl who’s going through a physical development. It will never be normal as how it used to be, but it will get better if we try to learn whatever it is to learn in the horizon dynamically. Learning is something we do for living and those things we learned are all the stepping stones to the real world ahead of us. Nothing is fake forever and nothing is so real in our eyes now and ever,however it all depends on how we tackle every possibilities in life.

Sunday, October 15, 2006


I am so glad that i managed to finish the song at last. I tried to complete it when i first wrote it but i am not talented enough to wrap it up. But with the inspiration and support given by my friends, i managed to finish the song which i called "Nowhere"

This is just a 10 seconds candid camera done by Fadhil. I was really surprised when i saw it on the net. haha, we'll try to get a better video of it but dun ask me to sing it again, i dun hv a good range of voice.

Monday, October 09, 2006

Reconciliation of life PART 2

I’m nearing to my age of 24, and it reminds me of those years that have gone by. I was amazed by how swiftly time passed by, and all my friends are now a grown up. Some of them are already in the working world, and some even have kids. I was wondering what will happen to me in this 5 years? Will I be married as well? To be truthful, I was thinking of settling down and get married to the guy i want to spend the rest of my time with. My friends were shocked of the idea since I was the girl who never believed in marriage.

Seeing the rigidity of marriage in my family, I don’t think I want to be there too.

“I never actually believed in marriage, and I don’t mind if I will have to be single until I die. But someone must inherit all the wealth I have in this world. So I need a heir from my own bloodline to take care of my wealth and use them accordingly. To fulfill that, I will get a white man to screw me/or to be more appropriate, get myself a seed from the you-know-what bank to get a wonderful baby girl and raise her fatherless. This baby will have all the things I’ve missed out during my early years and I will give her all the love she needs, take care of her until she can take care of herself. I will love her with all my heart and I know she will do the same to me with enough education in all aspects and discipline.”

Those are my prideful words before I even think of marriage. But as a good children of God, that is totally not a right way to live a life. As prideful as I am, I still need to get married and have kids. That’s the purpose of human’s life: to reproduce. It’s funny to even think about this whole thing. I guess these are the concerns people will have when they reach certain stage of life. No more playing games for them and life is getting so serious as time flies. Whether we like it or not, we need to look at our life to see the future.

Okay, so “what’s next?”

I bet this is the scariest part in our life.

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Reconciliation of life PART 1

The immersion of the whole getting-to-know-your-life has been practically absorbed and I have been accepting the whole drama in my life and complied with the customary situation, I know life is always about choices and I have to be confident with whatever choices I make in life with full integrity.

I have always loved my life, though it seemed rambling most the time but I learned a lot along the way. I still remember when I was having this ‘sharing’ activities with bunch of older people in one of the religious gathering at church, and they were amazed by the wisdom and perceptions I had about life and humanity.

“Such a young woman with a tangible sense of living, very impressive! We had to go a long way to actually think like you…”

Well, life has been hard at certain times and yes I have to admit it taught me a lot about living and surviving. Some people may not understand the sufferings I have to go through, the loneliness I have to bear and I have to admit I made mistakes along the way and hurt some good people. There were times life alienate me from all the decency, and I was the blacksheep in my own zone. I was in negligence of the situation before then because life has occupied me with all the responsibilities and hardships. I was struggling to survive and didn’t realize that few things were slowly slipping away. Hmmm, I’ve tried to retrieve everything back and Im just hoping for the best of everything.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

"Communication magnitude"

Have you encountered such problems wherein the gaps in communication were the constant reason of the falling out of your relationship? We seldom see the significance effect of the gap, and contentment has made us scratch our feet comfortably on the couch, without even noticing the budding effect of the problem.

The magnitude of the communication has undervalued, and people start assuming the relationship or friendship had been so perfect and efforts in improving the connection are fundamentally not necessary. How little they know that communication has been the medium for us to share affection, and the only way for us to save the relationship.

When there is a gap in communication, there is no doubt that the unwelcome miscommunication will start plugging in to fill up the gaps. Some friends of mine are the victim of the distance, however the relationship survived in a way that communication has been part of their routine. I myself survived from the terror of the distance. I always feed my head with the famous saying “distance make the heart grow fonder”.

I believe that distance is not the main problem of the relationship fall out, and communication has been the alternatives to save the relationship. Miscommunication can inevitably happen every now and then, and I believe communication can be the powerful tool to mend the holes.

Communication is a proof of concerns and love when distance feed the way. It has been long realized even in marriage that, communication is the center of understanding and improving every aspects in our life.

Let’s not forget our loved ones, and let’s not take them for granted for whatever that is gone, may be gone forever and there is no chance of turning back the clock. Before it’s too late, reflect on what has been said and fix whatever there is to fix. I believe one day you will remember this post and thank me for reminding. *wink

Sunday, October 01, 2006

My heart says...

Nothing is impossible and life is too short to wait for everything else…
For this, I am giving my heart and soul, and
for whatever comes in the near future,
is what fate has decided for me…
In the midst of this thunder,
I will give my hand for the future I long to have..
And shall I have peace in me…

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