Saturday, November 19, 2005

Remember Me This Way

The song in my heart.. for someone who is always special to me..
near or far,
you will always be remembered and missed..
Though' somehow we found ourselves a different path,
but you will always be in my prayers..
Take care my friend...

Remember Me This Way
Jordan Hill

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never let us down
Who understands it all
reaches out each time we fall
You're the best friend that i found

I know you can't stand
a part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true
The life will just be kind
to search a gentle mind
If u lose your way
think back of yesterday
remember me this way...
remember me this way...

I dont need us to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where i go
and i know that you'll be there
forever more a part of me
You're everywhere
always care......

I'll make a wish for you
and hope it will come true
The life will just be kind
to search a gentle mind
If u lose your way
think back of yesterday
remember me this way...
remember me this way...

I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side
And i will never leave as long as you believe...
just believe...

Remember me this way...
this way....

Saturday, November 12, 2005

CHOICES… did we make the right one?

Dad, Me and Mom

I have been making a lot of mistakes, I know that. I was being so self-centered that I don't care about what others may feel about my action. I know where I came from and I do love my family very much and it was a mistake to expect a lot from them. I’ve been fighting alone on my own, not knowing I could get all the support I need from them. I guess I I was too arrogant to let them in.

Mom called me few days ago and they knew I was having financial problems, yet I never asked for money, my arrogance. The next day they banked in some money for me without informing me first. Kane called me to tell me about it, I was overwhelmed with tears because I didn’t expect money from my parents. I felt guilty for not opening my eyes enough to see how much they care for me, that's my arrogance.

Mom asked “when are you coming back? You’ll be there for only a year right?

Nonchalantly I replied, “Im staying here for long. Not only for the whole course of my master. I might want to settle down here.”

I know she was sad with my reply, with her low voice she answered, “you want to leave us here?”

It is hard for me. I love my mom so dearly. I didnt mean to be this way. I feel like just leave everything n go back, meet my mum and hug her really tight. her know how much I love her.

But then, I never regret myself for being here because I know what I am here for. To study. To achieve something and bring back something so everyone will be proud of me. These are the things Ive been wanting to accomplish. It's not about supremacy issues or showing off, that's just me. God is the reason why I am here, It's his blessings. Because only He knows what i need to do.

To my brother Jim, I know it is hard for you. Hang in there and you will understand why things happened and why you are where you’re at now. To my sister Kane, I took cover for you but I really hope you are aware of your own mistake and make it right before it is too late.

To my mom and my dad, though’ it is impossible for you to read this but I want u to know that I love you so much and please do not think that I never care. I do care. Always care. All my tears are for the happiness of me being a daughter to both of you. I love you.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

My personal review on "The EXORCISM of Emily Rose"

This story is mostly like a courtroom movie but the storyline is kind of intriguing and ignited my very soul… I have to hug my friend’s hand during the movie because it was to frightening… I mean the suspense is too much to handle though I did control myself from screaming out loud.

At first it was about Erin Bruner being so excellent in her career as a lawyer and she is the kind of girl that likes challenges. I can say that she is very gutsy; does not believe or scared of anything. Then with the request from the church diocese, she was chosen to defend Father Moore who was convicted to have killed Emily Rose. With Ethan Thomas as her opponent and the very tough case she has to win, it was very nasty at first that Erin almost lose the case. She got her hopes back when Dr. Cartwright offered to testify at the court. But just before he was brought in front to testify, he was hit by a car and died. The hopes to win are too frail and she was even warned by her employer not to let Fr.Moore to testify again for the second time because of the press attention he contributed. However, Fr.Moore’s intention is not to let himself free but to let the world know about Emily’s story.

It was scary that the demon that possessed Emily is the one, two, three, four, five, six demons. The sixth demon was the “Big-time-BOMBSHELL”. She was a happy girl with a dream to become a teacher, she was offered to further her study at the university with full scholarship. but one night she was awaken by a strange sound just outside her room. The demons got her attention. She was one hell of a girl to have the guts to check the hall and close the angry door. It all happened at 3am, when demon’s activity is at maximum. 3am is actually a mock to Christ’s dead during His time. She was under medication since then. She was given drugs (Gambutrol) to help her with her sickness. But her condition remained the same and she has to leave school. With the help of her good friend, Jason – she is sent back home and Fr.Moore began to appear in the picture -Helping her to get rid of the demons inside her body by commencing a ritual called – EXORCISM.

But the exorcism failed and being said by an anthropology expert that it may be caused by the effect of Gambutrol which makes her to stay put at her state of being possessed when the exorcism is being commenced. A day after the exorcism took place, she heard a voice calling out her name. She reached out for the voice and met holy Mother Mary. She asked why was she given such test and sufferings. But she knew she was loved and she was given a choice whether to end it or to stay. She chose to stay for one GOOD reason. She sacrificed herself till the end. Her face when she died was totally horrible.

There are still a lot of gaps I didn’t fill up for you here, if you want to know the whole story, it’s very easy. Go to your nearest theater and buy ticket to watch it. I rate this movie as a MUST-WATCH movie to those movie-goers outside. Have a go kids…it’s worth your money, big time!!

Friday, November 04, 2005

The answer to “WHEN, WHERE and HOW” – which leads to “HERE”

Days had gone really slow for me. I had been sluggish myself. I know it's easy to finish up my second draft of my proposal but im not sure what’s happening to me that I kept on delaying it. Today is 4th of November,26 more days before December and it's christmas. Yesterday I went to Midvalley to meet up with Belle. It was only both of us and we really had fun with the lunch and the movie. I told her what’s going on with my life recently and she was happy to hear it. I remembered this was what she said to me “People grow up, and they changed. Changes are part of our life.” It was so soothing to hear that from Belle. Of all the bestfriends I have, I know she is the very few people that really understands me. Although we don’t meet that much, but we care for each other like how we care for our own sister.

Looking at some of people's life around me– I never meant to underestimate or downgrading anyone. But seriously look at ourselves and remind yourselves the level of maturity you are at. I am not judging anyone, again I remind you, but is it always sunny days? NOPE. Some people say look at the present time and don’t trouble yourself by looking forward at our future. WHY CAN”T WE? Because it is complicating our life and make us in total fear?? That’s what I call childish if we ever have that thought. If you want to accomplish something great in life, it is not only about now, we have to see beyond our times now. The journey is so far ahead but it is not hard to predict when you have your plans coming with you. Seriously, before I come here, I have foreseen myself going somewhere far from my own zone doing things that I love. I kept on telling Jeremy – I still remember, it was about a year ago – “I want to be somewhere not here, so I can do something I really loved and be a better person.” The only thing I was not so sure was - WHEN and WHERE. But I have made an effort in the HOW. So, first thing that really striked me was – my achievement in UMS. I knew it before that it is my only ticket to achieve something greater after UMS. So in my third year, I worked really hard. I doubled my effort and of course I kept my distance from people because I was starting focusing on myself and my study. I didn’t mean keeping distance as stop being friends with others but I put a limit to my social life and entertaintments. I gave more time to my study and prepare for whatever comes in the future. That was my goal. With God’s blessing, I have achieved what I want in UMS. I felt glad that I went to KL for my internship training in April-June because it opened my option and with the help of few others in KL, I am now HERE.

Whatever happened to me in UMS, it was a blessing in disguise. I regret none of it. Those who had helped me in making my dreams come true – Eechi, Vero, Chris, Joanna, Clarice, Annie and Ray – THANK YOU!! I acknowledged everything that you have ever done to me. Joanna and ClariceThanks for helping me out with my studies, u two had been so great to me. Eechi Thanks for being so understanding and so helpful to me. Tho’ we both know what happened to us at the end of our 2nd year, but I’m glad things got back to how it used to be. ChrisThanks for being there when I was in need. I think it’s time we move on with our life. In future to come, you will know why things happened and it’s for the better, I know you knew it. RayI really hoped you see what the advantages you have in your life and be optimistic about it. Everyone else who is not named here – thank you too.

Some say I am less friendly now? That’s just a label for a personality right? Well, let’s just say I may be less kind at heart now according to your own definition, nevertheless I have to remind myself – I really have to be more focused now. I am alone here in peninsular and if I still have that nature of mine (being so kind whatsoever), I don’t think I can survive in this chaotic life HERE. So the only thing Im supposed to really look upon is – my LIFE, FUTURE and Happiness to come.

I still want to thank that someone who really changed me in terms of looking at life in different perspective. Without this important person, I will not be as strong as what I am now. Now, I can see the different side of life. A person who was once called me a pain in the ass is actually the one who held out the hand to help me escape from the deepest hole I ever fell into.

These were the things I wanted to say but couldn’t say it to anyone. Maybe some may found this hurtful but that was not what I wanted to show here. This is the fact that everybody must now – people changed and that’s how they learn the tricks of life. Whether we like it or not, we have to move on. That is the only way to heal the pain. Trust me.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

How i really need to be "au fait"...

Lately, my nights become my wakeful moments and the days become my sleeping time.. I should ask myself, what’s happening to me? I am still not done with my second draft of my proposal.. im so disappointed with myself.. usually I am quick and systematic but nowadays I have been quite slow and neglectful of my responsibilities… I guess I need some new breath to start focusing on what matter the most…

It’s true what jaffri had said to me about being in control… Jaff, I think I have to agree with you… I realize that when I was in KK, tho’ things had been quite hard for me but at least I was in control… I finished my work on time, no delaying whatsoever.. I always find time to do my work and to relax… but here i am, time is all mine and nobody is bugging me so here I am using the maximum of my time…… playing around and being so languid myself??? – how disappointing is that??!!….

Now, I really have to sit down and make myself au fait… but wait let me finish with this post first…

Erda is still in Sabah and she left her car here for me to use while she’s not around. Tributes to her car that now I am more familiar with Kajang and Bangi area… Last Sunday, I sent one of my hsemate to KLIA together with 3 of my hsemates who wanted to tag along… we left after midnight and at first we couldn’t find the toll that will lead us to KLIA highway… we were going in circle, going in Bangi and coming out from Kajang and going in Bangi again… so basically all 5 of us don’t know how to get to the toll… we were lucky that we met a roadblock. We took the chance to ask the police guy how to go to KLIA.. After checking my IDs and license, one of the man showed us the road… We took a U-turn and took the 12 O’clock junction at the roundabout… and went straight, follow the signboards which lead us to Bangi plaza toll… so from there it was easy to know the road to KLIA.. On our way back, I took the wrong exit from the highway, so I called Tharmaindra who was aware of the trip and asked him about the road… He says that I should drive until I reach KLIA toll and then take the exit junction to Bangi. So I had to turned back to KLIA – and let me tell you, to turn back to KLIA was not a short distance.. so can you imagine how much fuel and time I have wasted… but lucky we hit the highway again until we reached the KLIA toll and follow the signboards to Bangi and back to our place… Phew~~ it was fun, I really had fun..

Listening to spiritual songs and I really miss doing rosary prayers with my friends in KML, we used to have some quiet moments of prayers.. a gesture of peace is now swamping all over my body… I want to feel alive again…

Okay, ive been downloading stuff from the internet and spywares became so friendly with me… I dunno how to get rid of them.. tho’ it can be useful at times but I hate pop-up blocks…

Today is the last day of puasa, Selamat Hari Raya to all my friends who are celebrating it.. Maaf Zahir Batin…

These are another pictures taken while we had our supper in KLIA..

From left :- Lana, Me, Meng and Yan

From Left :- Lana, Me, Meng and Jenny

A simple thing call "choices"

i was going thru a test today and made me realize a few stuff about my life and how i actually lived my life.. there was this questionaire and of course if you want to get an accurate result you have to be honest with yourself.. so okay, there i was answering the questions one by one but one question really striked me to curiosity of my performance as a person... the question went like :-

Q: when you need someone to talk to (friends&family), what are the thing that u usually tell them

1. Sadness
2. happiness
3. Boredom
( i cant remember the rest of the options... but these are basically the important ones)
i wish i can pick number 2... but obviously it was not true... how about number 3? well, it was not like i feel bored because im always up for something, doesnt matter if it benefits me or not... so yes... it was number 1... and again im so dissapointed with myself... i shouldn't always be on the pessimistic side.. but how can i get rid of sadness when it is inevitable right? but there are few wisdom i heard from somewhere i really forgot where i heard it from, i think it was from one of the emails forwaded by one of my contacts the saying goes like "it's us who make the choices. we can choose to be happy or sad today. you can choose to be angry and to be rude to people" if you look at it at every angle, it is true that life is all about choices.. the only thing is, you really have to wait until all the cards are laid on the table and see what you can do about it..

i went out with Jaff and azfar last thursday, and it was so much exciting than i ever thought...of course they never changed and im glad that things between the three of us never changed like how it was before - Azfar with his smiley face and Jaff with his crappy mode... :):):)

we had a nice dinner at Domino's, good conversations and a good movie.. Speaking of movie, im really sorry jaff that i kept on hitting you everytime the stunts make me jump.. i have to advice you not to sit next to me when watching football because i can be quite a jumpie u know... :)

here are the pictures that i took... let's take a look at it :) :)

The handsome Mr. crappy - jaffri - so called eligible bachelor but he's already taken... :):):)

me and azfar... check out his smiley face... :):):)

so that was all the interesting part happened to me lately... i might feed you some stories with more wisdom the next time i update my blog... hope you enjoy every bit of this post, tho' it was not much actually...

it's really late now, i gotta hit the bed... Bon nuite, mon ami/amie... thanks for visiting my blog :):):):)

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