Saturday, April 22, 2006

One Moment in my lab

Amazingly I woke up early this morning and did my laundry before going to UKM again. It’s Saturday, it means, “waking up late” for the students. In fact, it’s their exam week and I suppose they’ve been burning the midnight oil the night before. My housemate was dead sleeping when I left the house. It’s almost tiring to wait for the bus, but the walking is worse since I have to walk from the bus stop outside, pass through few buildings to reach my faculty. My back is hurting now for walking so long and the sun is giving an extra burden.

I just finished my lab work, and the hallway outside my lab is a bit eerie since there is no one around. To be calculative, I think there are only Bee Eik, a master student next door and myself in the building. She just left the building about a minute ago and now im alone in the stillness of the surroundings. I think it’s a bad idea to stay long here. I am going to the student building in any moment now after I get a reply from Dr Brid. It’s really funny to communicate through email but we have no choice since it took us long to get an SMS from each other. She is using her homeland’s phone line and I believe Ireland is farrrrrrrrr away from here.

Anyway, I just received her email after sending her one 5 minutes ago. This is neat, in a way. I am meeting her few minutes from now. It’s time to wrap up. Adios…

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Thinking and worrying too much?? - IGNORE laaa!!

The focal problem im having for the past few days is – Thinking and worrying too much. Ive been expecting too much and now it’s making me really down. I came home early today right after I finished preparing my inoculum. I thought my idea would work that I could use the incubator we have in the lab but only to find out that it wasn’t good enough for instant bacteria growth. It’s really another disappointment for me this week. So I cancelled on my hourly OD reading for tonight and now I have to monitor the growth for a week, which is a hassle when I can get results in one night. Ooops, correction there… I dun mind the hassle; it’s just that, I need to get result before Dr.Brid leaves Malaysia. It’s not easy having discussion through email or even instant message. *sigh*

I really hope I didn’t miss Dr.Brid today. It’s her busy week. I know I should be waiting in the lab, in case she might drop by before going off again. *sigh*

I came home and slept the whole afternoon, trying to get rid of the overwhelming frustration. It’s good to ignore our problems sometime because thinking and worrying too much won’t help!! It’s dinnertime now, and that means eating alone again (As though I’m not accustomed to that!)

Oh well, my SMS is working again. At least there’s something to be happy about today.

Life is a challenge, and thank goodness im not giving up…. Just yet!

Wednesday, April 19, 2006


Yearning for something which can be either possible or otherwise is really a pain.

It is a disappointment not being able to unravel the simple problems I have. According to my senior, it’s actually a piece of cake which needs a bit of icing (you know what I mean). Then again, looking at the condition which im at now, everything is still vague and nothing but a piece of smudge. I feel like shouting out loud, I know my heart needs to be loosen up a little bit. It’s too tight in there and I feel like opening it like how Mr.Superman does when he tears his shirt to uncover the word “S” inside. *URGGGHHH* there’s so much garbage inside and I duno what im going about here…

Alright, let’s take it one at a time… Im staying back tomorrow until 11pm, hopefully there will be a bus going back to my section, or else, I might get a cab to come and fetch me in UKM. Doesn’t matter how much it will cost me. I need to do my lab work and this is why we call it a research. There’s no office hour or whatsoever. Im actually hinting myself now “Fellie, do you still want to go to Ireland for your phd?” … then I know I should shake my head for that…

Anyways, I was browsing through few WebPages on the net last night while doing literature review on and there is this site that really caught me scratched me painfully inside. I think you should share it with you. Maybe it’s nothing to those insensitive individuals but for me it’s really a heartbreaking and it reminds me that I should be glad I still have my loved ones around me.

See it. Hear it. Read it. Reflect yourself.

It’s really nice.

(P/S This page is accompanied with a song. If you can't hear any song, pls refresh your page to get the full sound effect)


Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Being one with so many hopes, yet in chorus with doubts

“What if” questions start popping into my head, harmonizing the fact that there are so many possibilities that could happen instantly. A gush of fear starts streaming down to my spine. Though the future is so far-off, yet it is still on the horizon. That means my future is at stake, or I’m just exaggerating here.

Was talking to a dear one last night about the fear I was having all night long, which in turn give me a severe migraine that I could almost swallow the whole pack of pain-killer. But it was true what he said, it’s too early to think about the future and it’s not healthy worrying about it now. Gosh, it is scary to have all the dreadful feelings and those fears; it feels like the bed I was lying on is gulping me down alive. I know it’s insane to think of all the unknowns of the future ahead when you have your present events to think about.

Disregard to the matter above, my lab work is in negligence, which is totally not good. But I’m glad I get to help a friend to finish-off her thesis-printing. At least I could use some fun - laughing and talking about good stuff.

We are still having problem with the whole “sharing-the-streamyx” thing at home. We really need an expert to help us here. Anyone who is free tonight, call me and help me!!

p/s Elliot is almost out last week, fortunately Bucky is willing to take his ride home.. yays!!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

"Faith is VIRTUE"

The events in our life are the many pieces of a puzzle, which says about the human being as a player – putting the pieces altogether- and see a big picture of it as the end result.

My life has been an eventful journey and everything seemed to come into places now. All the pieces that seemed to be a question are now leads to the comprehension of life as a whole. I see the purposes of this journey. I strongly believe that this is not a matter of coincidence but blessings from the Holy One. Karma will be another issue which im not able to talk about rite now.

I went to church today with some UKM undergrads and joined Dr.Brid afterward. I was thinking of Secret Recipe but she insisted on having breakfast at the restaurant nearby. Despite of having to squeeze in for seats, we managed to get a table.

3 more weekends to go and that will be a goodbye for me and Dr.Brid. I realized how fast the time flies. “Count your blessing” or you’ll never appreciate life and what fate brings you. It is very fortunate for me to have Dr.Brid to direct me in the lab after getting nowhere for so many months. Being a Mama bacteria isn’t so great and even worse that I am handling some carcinogenic and toxic chemicals now. Remind me to appreciate life even more so I won’t let myself inhaling the greatness of hydrocarbon. I know I need to practice some precautions.

My conscious evil twin is failing, I should work harder and being a black sheep isn’t easy after all. A friend was amazed that I survived being an odd one in the family. Being brought up as a typical kadazan girl but practicing the Einstein thinking is way too much for a living. I may not be a smart ass in class but my determination is greater than what I learned in the class. It’s the effort that brings us to the top.

YOU – may not be the best in the world… but find your victory and you will be the best in your heart.

Count the blessings or you won’t know what you’re losing. I should bless the day I found myself in eagerness of improving my being for betterment. It was not easy but I managed to jump over and reached the other side. Now is the matter of surviving, and achievements will go along the way.

People, have faith. Nothing is more important than having faith in everything you do and about to do.

Happy Easter everybody…

Saturday, April 08, 2006

changes made us strong

Mandisa is voted out this week, as sad as it may seem to everyone. She’s no more performing in American Idol TV show… but I wouldn’t want it the other way around either. I mean, Elliot is damn good… I liked him ever since he sang that song “Baby you’re all that I want, when you’re lying here in my heart. Find it hard to believe, you’re in heaven.” I know it may sound kinky in a way, but oh well it’s my fav.

My life had been going perfectly normal; you can see that it’s hardly for me to update my blog simply because I have nothing to say. I need to be inspired by my feelings anyway. It’s always easy to let out your feelings and your thoughts when you are feeling something like overjoyed, sad, upset, disappointed... the list goes on. I found myself starting to blend in with everything that is going around me. No more complaints whatsoever. Obviously I need a car and it’s not really for entertainment purposes. Like what happened few days ago. When I was so passionately doing my work with full energy, I have to stop half-way just because I can’t stay longer since the public transportation is so unreliable after 7pm. I was so frustrated with the lacking and I know that I really need to talk to my sister about it.

Dr.Brid, a researcher from Dublin City University in Ireland is now here. She is interested in my project and planning to collaborate with my supervisor. I know it may sound a good news that she actually offered me to continue to phd and do one part of the research in Ireland for a year. In my heart, I know im lucky but I don’t know why I was not so keen of the idea. I preferred to stay and everyone found it ridiculous since you know what kind of person I am. Some people called me a risk-taker, opportunist and ambitious but now all the names that used to be mine are now fading away. Hmmm, people do change and it happened to me now. I guess ive found something that is really meant to be that I wouldn’t want to risk it any other way.

Speaking of Dr.Brid, im going to church with her again tomorrow and I know she is so interested in going out with me so im bringing her to the museum tomorrow, tho I seriously have no idea where it is located. Oh well, it’s always fun to search around, I guess…

Im turning in for the night. Goodnight everyone *yawn*

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Christian Student Society (CSS) annual dinner

These are the pictures taken from the annual dinner which i have attended last sunday... it was simple yet memorable for me..

Yan and myself

Meng and me

a portrait of myself...

Me, Jess, Grace and Leo

This is my favourite one... The colour effect is so naturally beautiful...

I enjoyed every bit of it tho' i dun really know everyone.. but most of them are sabahans so it was not that difficult to blend in...

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