Monday, October 22, 2007


Happy birthday to Me!
Happy birthday to Me!
Happy birthday dear Me! Me!
Happy birthday to Me!!

"Happy 25th Birthday Fellie
With all our love."

I am a year older now... i know 25 is just a number but the responsibilities we have to carry as we grow older are becoming more heavier each time our number increases.

The moment everybody celebrated me. Awwwwwww

My birthday this year was nothing like i expected, it was one of the biggest surprise i had in my entire years of living in this world. It was after all a night to remember, not only for me but everyone who attended.

I was all teary to see the faces i recognize, especially those whom i long to meet. Even though not all my friends were there, but it was already enough to make me feel so much appreciated by these people. I was all speechless for the first one hour because i was overwhelmed with all the gestures given to me that night. It was indeed my special day, where everyone treated me so importantly. yes, it was indeed a night to remember.

Those attended were:,

1) My family...
2) Extended family
3) Cousins and relatives
4) Family friends
5) Friends (Andy, Joanna, Eechi, Vero and her friends, Ray, Ivan and his friends, Cindy, and Jim's best friend, Alvin the one with the 'alleycats' hair)
6) Some guests i met for the first time

I received a lot of special gifts for my birthday, but the most precious gift they have given me that night was their presence. It means a lot to me. I dun think anyone actually know how utterly happy i was that night.

The friends that came

I agreed to be 25!!! SIGH!

Me and my gorgeous sisters

Thursday, October 11, 2007

A friend once forgotten...

I was browsing through the pictures I have in my keeping. Some were taken a year ago, and some even as old as 5 years… phew, I have been living for almost 25 years.. haha. It was a good refreshment of the good old days. I miss those days. Looking at those pictures, I think my friend was right. I had some meat around my body that time compare to the present size. Well guys, I guess u can see it better than I do because as far as I can only see myself now, I look the same, only older and less innocent (hah!)

…..And something hit me when I saw a friend’s picture, an old friend from UMS who I thought was a good friend. Yes, he was indeed a good friend but I guess he was at the wrong position at that time, to betray me. Sigh.

But I guess, it was not right to punish him either.

I regret whatever happened between me and him, and if I am able to turn back time, I wish i can be more understanding and forgiving.

I know it’s useless to regret it now or to just say it as though nothing can be done to fix it. What I’m saying is, I am going to fix it before it’s too late. It was too suprising that he dissapeared without a trace and no one ever know where he is until few weeks ago (after getting in touch with so many people to find him), T told me he is now residing in Singapore. No matter where he is now, we (me and T) together are going to look for him and apologize for everything that happened in the past, it doesn’t matter who’s fault it was.

I wish it is never too late to say sorry, Eugene…….

Tuesday, October 09, 2007


Sometimes I wonder why I am still lingering around at the same stage when I can upgrade myself to the stage I would like to call “ultimate autonomous”, or in other words, a freedom to decide my own life.

The problem has been prolonged for quite a very long time but now I know my time is not here yet and I have no choice but to give up to the famous saying, “patience is a virtue”.

I need to be patient to get what i want in the future. Speaking of being patient, I am going back to Sabah, not because i want it, but she wants it and like usual, i have to comply because the word 'no' is apparently never in her dictionary. I have like 10 days to 'savor' the beauty of pain and anything can happen in 10 days. I am, of course, worried. He has 10 days to attack me verbally.

Let's leave the whole family crisis story to this dot, I need to relax myself from thinking the worst-case scenario that could happen in that 10 days.

3 days ago, I was invited for a family function, at first I thought it was just a normal get-together visit but it was way too different from what I have expected. I met the whole family, when I say whole family, that includes the extended members of the family – His relatives.

It was at first very disappointing as the ladies judged me by hitting me with the cruelest inferiority I ever had, but I was lucky that it didn’t happened to my face, at the very least. I know when they say be patient, this is one of the many unpleasant situations I have to have patience for. Serenity is all I need at that moment. Nevertheless, what more important is, he was there to make me strong and I am just glad he was always by my side at times of need.

Marriage I know is not all about love. Everybody is talking about marriage as if it’s like going out for a date with the most gorgeous creature on earth, or like choosing chocolate or strawberry cake for your birthday (and you can have both if you like). No, it’s not just about that. It is a DECISION. A decision to spend the rest of your life with someone you chose to be with. Fate has nothing to do with it because you’re the one who’s making the FATE really happen. You may call yourself the fate-maker or whatever you like, but it’s the future we make and not even the ‘feng-shui’ believer can ensure how our future will be like. They can just predict what’s gonna happen but they can’t make it happen, unless you want it. We create the future. Some may have different perspective, and this is simply mine.

Whatever junks or truth they say about marriage, I know marriage is never easy. But whatever it is, if I am going to get married and spend the rest of my life with someone, I want it to be with him, for better or worse and I wouldn’t want it the other way around. Of all people I have met, been with, had a crush on or whatever you call ‘like’ or ‘love’, this is the first time I am so sure about someone, so earnestly. It is the first time I am bowing down, which is against my nature, to something so pure and natural – which is falling in love over and over again. Not trying to be mushy here but just the thing that I would like to admit, and this is what my blog is all about people.

And because of the decision I have made, I have to wait until the right time comes and do what I am supposed to do.

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