Thursday, December 16, 2004

more of today...

what can i share with you people here is.... neena called again this morning and it was just something very sweet that she made an effort to strengthen our friendship by calling every morning to check in (now i realized how suck i am when it comes to keeping in touch, and how lucky i am to have a friend like neena) see like i said in my friendster's profile, ppl like neena has the capacity to love...we love each other so much that it wasnt hard to call each other just to say hi.. she sent me a box all the way from kuching for my birthday and guess what's inside... it's a lifetime supply of medicines and some goodies!! well neena, i think you can be a good doctor someday... love you *mwah* *mwah*

Listening to Jim Brickman now and let me tell you, if you want to have a peaceful mind for a moment, listen to his music. thanks to jer for the recommendation...

today i had a pleasant conversation with my project supervisor, it is true that communication is important. it's not just about completing our duties and all, it's about the effectiveness of a communication to find the middle ground bwteen both parties involved. However, it takes two to tango. We (Ms.Teoh n I) talked about my KL and Bangkok trip, it was good to hear her opinion. at least it helps me to decide whether i should go for a holiday with my family or give priorities to my project. Im going to KL tomorrow so it's too late to cancel that now but i guess a trip to bangkok can wait. I've been talking to a friend about priorities, and i asked her which should i choose, family or my studies and she said that both are also important. It is not necessary for me to choose either one since i can have both at the same time. the only thing is i need to manage my time wisely and of course i should make my family understand what is important for me at the moment, maybe i can make it up to them after my project deadline. it is like making a decision whether you should buy the chocolate cake or the ice-cream cake. you can have both if you want, piece of cake bah! hehehehhe....

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

things i learned from caroling

today was my bad hair day. I was in the lab earlier this morning and something came up
which distract my focus on i decided to go back to my room and rest, maybe i was still tired after last night's carolling. came home quite late. i think we went to more than 20 houses in Kingfisher last night. Ray joined along, it was quite amazing that he actually sang with us...... :)

today's carroling is a bit alive for me... it was also quite amazing how we suddenly click with the "pom pom" boys. i called aunty catherine's boys the pom pom boys because they were the backup singer for "feliz navidad" song. They went like "pom pom pom" everytime we sing that song... i didnt know their names at first, and that is why i called them pom pom boys. it started when alvin (whom they called Ah Bin) was missing when we were about to leave aunty catherine's house for 6 more houses. then, it was either Leo or Brian who went and find him. When they came back to the bus, alvin's brother (Bailey) asked whether he was playing warcraft or not. Chris was evesdropping and when he heard the word "warcraft" he suddenly got so excited and started talking with the boys about warcraft. in the end, that was all they talked about from the 1st to the last hse. it was fun though, getting to know these young kids.

what im trying to say here is that, today is the last day of our caroling, and only today managed to break the ice with the boys. before then, we hardly speak to each other.Every night when we reached the last hse,we usually combine with another caroling group and dinner was provided by the host. The member from the other group looked very close with each other, probably because most of them are teens and around the same age.

i guess in our case, "warcraft" is not just about a's about how it breaks the ice and bring people closer. it's a shame that we didn't manage to break the ice since the first day of caroling. I guess its normal since it always happened in our life, it takes time to get close to someone.

Just like KML, even UMS. when we are so close to the end, everything came into places. all the gaps are filled. then we realized how much we've wasted the time we had. But that is how things go. every begining came with an end. so like it or not, we still have to say "GOODBYEs" to the people we said "HIs"....

Monday, December 13, 2004

strive to betterment

i see many tears, some are just happiness and some are hurtful tears... why do we go on mourning about our life? why? why do we question about the puzzles in our life? why not we just shut up and fix it? all of us may look the same but how we look at our life is different from one and another, it is just so subjective. some people think that life is all about FUN, FUN, FUN...and some thinks that it is about MONEY...MONEY..MONEY or WOMAN...WOMAN...WOMAN!!! No one can really give life a precise definition which is approved by all clusters of community in every corner of this planet. Life has a lot of different meaning to every individuals. how life affect and build you as a person is the core of how you will infinitely define life. Some are independant because life taught them to be a person who stands at their own feet, they have seen many violences, happiness and a lot of other events in life. They experience it by going through the hardships of life. They cry, stumble and fall but they rise again to see what hope is left for them, so they could once again mould back the crushed pieces to regain the foundation of their beings. they think life is like gambling. If you depends on other people, you cannot see the victory before your eyes..all you can see are tunnels of despondency and miseries. you have to be brave and open up your eyes to see the chances that could enrich the betterment of your life. Most importantly, you have to be optimistic all the time, it washes away all doubts. Just like the story of "the polar express" which tells about a boy who does not believe of the existence of Santa clause. His doubts make him impossible to hear a sound of a bell. Everybody can hear the beautiful sound from the reindeers's bell. He tried very hard to believe and santa finally heard him, the boy was then chosen to be the first one to get santa's gift. Who could have known that all he wanted for xmas is to hear the sound of the bell, so santa took one of the bell from the reindeers and gave it to him.. finally,his wish came through. he heard the true sound of the bell... What can i see from this story is that, you have to believe. even if the hopes are too frail, we should still have faith and start believing.

and of course...there is God, who keep us strong...He is the Root of life and the base of all foundations. We have to have faith in God because He He gave us purpose in life. If you can remember the movie "matrix", it mentioned about every programme in the matrix which has its own purpose...e.g, Sati, she is a programme which controls the sun rise and sun sets. (correct me if im wrong). if a programme has no purpose, then it should be eliminated.

every day, every hour, every minute and every seconds, we consumed energy, we did a lot of things. we get tired at the end of the day. but before you go for restoration period, you should ask yourself, what have you done today? what are the good and the bad things that have you done for the whole one day.... did you give more than you take? or is it more to "taking" and less "giving"? ask yourself, did you strive for betterment or declare a discreet war to your inner-self? Before you even think of pointing fingers at anyone, see yourself in the mirror... and again, ask yourself!

Thursday, December 09, 2004


Originally uploaded by fellie.
we went to Moyog river for a picnic with lab seniors. It was actually chelven's, melvin's and helena's birthday. It was fun...
behind left : adrian, angm gord, clz, cindy, melvin, thien.
front left: chel, grace, me, jo, annie and helena.

Have I changed? That’s what one of my friend said to me last night. We went for a hse to hse caroling and she sat next to me and I duno how we suddenly talk abt spiritual stuff, oh well I did most of the talking of course. And she was like wow, since when I became a monk…something like that… *giggles* …back to the topic..have I changed? Can you tell? Erm, not entirely I guess because I still have some of my old behaviors… old habits die hard.. The only difference is maybe,my faith in God are stronger now. I start reading bibles and pray a lot. I’m interested in church’s activities, see???? Have I changed??? It’s true that if we want to be more faithful to God, there are few things we need to sacrifice. Maybe like stop watching porn movies or going to strip club, subscribing playboy magazine or maybe drinking and f**king around….hahhahaha, hey hey, doesnt mean i do all that stuff okay… im just giving examples!!

Yesterday was a busy day for me… woke up at 6am to do my resume ( I missed the morning mass!!) then classes straight from 8am to 12pm. we had briefing about industrial training for half an hour after class… lab again at 2pm till 5pm then rush home…(stucked in a massive jam some more!!!) went for art class from 6-8pm, then straight to hse to hse caroling till 10.30pm. I dozed off right after my bath. It was tiring but its better than doing nothing.

Right at this moment, Im thinking of belle, neena, Irene and mavis…..damn!!! I miss them so much!!

Tuesday, November 30, 2004

open hse preparation

open hse preparation
Originally uploaded by fellie.
it was tiring for me, i got fever the day before the party. but i had fun that day. a lot of friend came.

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Blood is thicker than water..

i wish there are answers to all my questions..

i believe that family is the most important foundation in our life. they are the strongest bond you have in your life. without them we couldn't possibly be here. Without a strong foundation of family, we only live in a shadow and loneliness will be part of the existence. Love starts from the family. We practice everything we learned from God's teaching starting in the family. It is the way we love our family that reflects our being in this world. Maybe you won't understand the things that i ma trying to say here, but this is how i see it after all the hardships ive gone through for 22 years now. Love of a family is pure and whatever happens you should not turn your back on your family. They are the strings of your guitar, without them how could you play/make a beautiful song? That's why people believe that blood is thicker than water, and somehow it is true.

i love my family so dearly, no matter how much people hate them or no matter how cruel they can be at times. even though now that im having lotsa family problems but i believe that these are only the pieces to fill the gaps in my life. without problems, there would be no other way to understand them deeper. They know our true colors and still accept all your weaknesses. believe me when i say, family are your truest love. they loved you for who you are.

Monday, November 15, 2004

I just finished reading a book, which was given by Lionel for my was about the "5 people you meet in heaven". So far, i managed to read only half of the whole lot. The book is quite thin but it was quite slow. The story is way too slow but it makes me think, have you ever imagined life after death? I guess no one would actually believe in that. Since there's no scientific proof that dead people will be revived in another world. Speaking of dead people, i've seen this movie "Final destination 2" which sent a message that every time when a new life is born into this world, there will be death in return to balance the world. We believe that in one day alone, thousands of people died with various sickness or accidents or unexplainable tragics, and of course there will be new lives entering the world and experience all the cruelness life has to offer. Im not being pessimistic here. But its true we cannot get away from all problems we had to face. But God is here. Yes, I believe the existence of God in our lives. But here, im not talking about spiritual stuff, im talking about the world and the humankind.

of course im very depressed now, but let's not talk about the 'rubbish' in my head. everybody has their down moments but i prefer not to show mine because im not here to get sympathy...

Coming back to our topic. Is it true that there is life after death? how can you prove it? Eventhough there is no proof of its truth but there are still some people who believe in life after death. Simply because there are no compelling reasons not to believe according to one of the site I've read few days ago. I know this is so weird.

I love to write more about this but i have to go now, Chris is picking me up for Warcraft with the guys.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

Open house preparation

i've been busy the whole day yesterday, cleaning and arranging the house for the open house party this coming thursday and it's going to be a blast, hopefully....

ive got my list who to invite. At first, i planned to invite only of few of closest friends but in the end my sister made me invite the whole gang of IPB including those listed in my list.

my sister just got back from KL yesterday morning and she bought me this beautiful punjabi suit for the party and i cant wait to wear them!!!!

she complained that it was hard to find my size since free size is actually an L size?!!! *sigh* i remembered when her husband went to India about few years ago... he came back with countless dresses and punjabi suits and they are way too big for a small asian body like us. The dresses were gorgeous but it was too big, so in the end, they sold it.

Yesterday i went shopping with my sister. You should see how she does her shopping. Though she only spends on something which is necesary but Yesterday, she had two single receipts of RM1500++ (RM5000++ for a day) That's still a lot of money..

Thursday, November 04, 2004

The memories of KML

I miss KML so much and it hurts somehow. I've learned a lot when i was in KML. I learned to trust people, be more open, and mostly i learned the meaning of friendship and sahring love. Ive heard this saying once, "family are one of God's gift but friends are the family you chose, so friends are meant to be special to us". There's a poem i read somewhere about why God gave us friends. God knew that everyone of us needs companionship in our lives. God knew that friends are the one whose thoughts are always near to us and whom we practice His love. To love a friend might be easy,but to trust them it takes almost a lifetime. However, trust is build when the love grows inside. That's the beauty of friendship i learned so far. We do not envy them nor hate them, instead we give them unconditional love and we treasure them as much as we treasure ourselves. It takes more than caring To be a real friend; That is the nature of friendship, where it requires a blend of warmest compassion.

Friend is not always about money. They are about happiness, joy and honesty. Friendship always reminds of Belle, my very dear friend which is now in Penang. Only God knows how much i love her. I've seen her struggled to her bone to keep going and from her i learned about the value of love. She has never given up her hope even though somehow things are beyond her control. She is calm and well-reserved. No wonder i heard people complaining that she is playing too hard when it comes to making friends. But i know that once she trust you, she will never forget you. It has been almost three years since we last knew each other. But the bond between us is still there, nothing less. She is not only beautiful in the physical part but also what's inside of her. I feel blessed to have a wonderful friend like her.

Neena...... she's like a big sister to me! She is so protective and she takes me like her own sister. Ive been busy all the time but she still gave her time to find out how i have been doing. you see, these are the people you want in your life. Someone who cares for you no matter how far apart they are to us. But the distance has never stopped us from keeping in touch. With Neena and Belle to take care of me, Im not even worried.

Irene, she is the colour of my life back in KML. She has been there when i need a shoulder to cry on. She has been the one whom escorted me everywhere i wanted to go. I miss her smiles and i miss her laughter. When i hear her voice thru the phone, the tears are always there welling up in my eyes, There is no word in the dict to explain how much i missed her.

Mavis, she is the one who taught me to have strong faith in God, she showed me how wonderful life is by teaching me how to pray while taking my hands to let me feel how strong God lives in her. IShe is very forgiving and her kindness makes me love her even more. She's the one who helped me in my studies and she has been there to encourage me to believe in God.

But everything happened so fast. It seems unfair that we're now very far from each other after all those memories we had. Its very unfair that i have to start all over again. i guess God has been fair to me after all. He wants me to open my eyes and realize that there are still more people around me who needs my concern and care.

To love a person is the happiness you get in return. You may say that it takes a lot to care for others that we should put ourselves into our own priorities before others. But when u think of it again, it does not work that way. We live in this world in a community, and whether we like it or not, we do have to share everything in this world. If you take something from other people, make sure you give them enough before taking.

I treasure friends very much because they are also the family i have in this world.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

that's all in my head right now... trying my best to stay awake while waiting for my turn to run my sample on electrophoresis.. head hurts a bit now for resting my head too long on the table. so i switched my attention to the net. At least i wont be so stress out waiting. well speaking of stress, i have a book which talks about losening stress but i guess the book is still with Clarice. Well, i dun really need it anyway so if clay is reading this, its ok. I think u need it more than i do :) but for those who really wish to loosen up their borns heheh, here's few tips i can give you...

Slow-Down Techniques

In an acute situation, when your mind or body is racing out of control, slow down your breathing to a 10-second cycle, 6 breaths a minute. Find a clock or watch with a second hand and inhale for 5 seconds (odd number on clock face) then exhale for 5 seconds (even number). Keep it up for 2-5 minutes, or until your pace slows down.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. Visualize yourself lounging on a sunny beach or watching the sunset or relaxing in the shower or sauna.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. Then visualize a favorite place or activity. Let your imagination carry you away to a special spot that's refreshing and relaxing.

Relax your chest muscles and open up your breathing with a vigorous massage along the midline and across the chest below your collarbone.

Write down a list of all the worries, pressures and concerns that are crowding your mind and clamoring for attention. Then burn the list or tuck it in your wallet for later attention.

Focus on something pleasant and beautiful in your immediate environment (a blade of grass, a painting, a color). Concentrate on the beauty you see and breathe it in. Allow that beauty to slow you down.

Gear-Up Techniques

Stand up and stretch. Arch your back and stretch your arms and fingers out to the side. Hold that posture for awhile and then let go. Now move your body all around to get the blood pumping. Clap your hands. Jump up and down. MOVE!

Imagine yourself somewhere exciting, exhilarating or awe-inspiring (e.g., standing on a cliff above the ocean, performing for a large audience, cheering at an exciting football game, crossing the finish line at a race, laughing uproariously with friends, peering over the rim of the Grand Canyon, giving birth or watching birth). Let the vividness of that vision charge your batteries.

Give yourself a pep talk. Use your best persuasive powers to motivate, encourage, cajole, support, cheer, challenge yourself. Ask somebody else to join in!

Turn on some lively music like a march or a mazurka. Start moving. Dance. Bounce. March. Sing along. Get involved. Let the music pump you up and pull you along.

Gently pat or tap all over your body in an energizing rhythm. Keep it up until you tingle all over and are charged up.

Vigorous exercise of any kind is a sure-fire way to get geared up. Add a creative twist for some extra punch.

Loosen-Up Techniques

Imagine that your body is all tied up in knots and only you know hot to untie them. Beginning with your toes and gradually moving up the body, tense and relax each set of muscles. Visualize that you are tightening the knots as you tense the muscles and picture yourself undoing the knots as you relax the muscles and let go.

Close your eyes and take a deep breath. As you become aware of any points of tension, "breathe into" that spot, allowing the breath to bring calm to the area and carry away tension as you exhale.

Reach across your body and massage the muscles of your neck and shoulder with long, firm strokes. Knead any especially tight areas with firm, circular or back and forth motions. Then repeat the process on the other side. With both hands massage the base of your skull with firm, circular strokes. Continue over the scalp and face, stopping to give special attention wherever you notice tension. Don't forget the jaw!

Stand up and shake an arm, a leg, the other arm, the other leg, your whole body. Then take a deep breath and let yourself go limp all over.

believe me if you follow these instructions, you will feel your head a bit lighter and your eyes a bit try it out!


I have posted few pictures to be published in flickr... so just click on this website

Monday, November 01, 2004

Let's have a fresh start on this..

well, at last i have a blog of my own. Been imagining myself writing scripts, novels etc. Lol my dreams to become a writer is more like just a daydream, sigh.
It's still fresh in my mind when i was in form three. As normal teens, we usually drool over boy bands or handsome celebrities. So i think im normal since i was into a teenage band called The Moffats, the famous band at that time. It still fresh in my head how i worshiped them.. lol i knw its funny!!

well, i know it was embarassing to reveal all these but that was the past and it was a lot of fun. i used to write a story about my life and my friend's, only with the addition of the Moffat characters in the story which I made them really exist in our life. So mostly the stories were about how we met and fell in love with the moffats and how they flatter us with their songs and their singings. I know this is not something you wanna here (it's a bimbo talk). But then, just look at it this way, having to create your own dreams and imagining it to be real in your life. How cool is that? well, maybe u found it crazy or stupid but just fyi. It was better than Barney show..haha! Coming back to the Moffats story, my friends enjoyed the story i wrote for them since it was about their story and their love life (with their fav moffats) and yes we have the same gene to get crazy over this band.

A year after, i moved to another school and met new friends but that didnt stop me to continue writing. i was staying at my sister's place at that time (stayed there for a year plus). She was expecting a second child and needed me to help her around the house. SPM was very near then, and i still keep on writing...everything was about the misery i had as far as i can rememver. i didn't keep a diary because they can't be trusted hundred percent. Their immobilities make them easy to be found, so it was dangerous for me to keep a diary. So that explains why im here finally. What I wrote are mostly poems. That's how i express myself, through poem and they are full with emotions.

this is only the beginning... just be patient, i will feed u more stories the next time i post something here again.

Mind my writings, im still very bad in it.

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