Thursday, November 29, 2007

I am no superman anymore, I realized I have lost my power..

I guess I have to always remind myself to move on and stop thinking why things happened. My name seems to be fading away in people’s mind and somehow I think people seem to forget that I ever existed in this life. Years of connection do not seem so important anymore, and those ugly things materialized in those agony stage of existence in the past are still a highlight. I know no matter how much I try to remove those misery, the reminiscence of the past still remain at its own memory box and I am still the odd one out.

Here I am again in my own hiding place, ignoring everyone and everything that bothers me. The truth is, I feel so alone at this time that it scares me. I have been very temperimental lately and isolation appeared to be the best medicine, not knowing that I am hurting myself and the people around me. I don’t know what I am doing anymore. It’s just so hard to make everyone proud of me, look at me like I am the hero. I am no hero and I know that sounds very sad but it’s true.

I always tell myself to give me something to myself to hold on, to hope for so I will keep on going. I hope one day, I understand the things that happened to me now and then. The serious loneliness that consumed my whole energy and the drive to keep on fighting underscored my perfect being now. Again, sad but true.

I just miss being the old me, happy and carefree, loved by everyone. All the flash memories of me being the champ of my own zone is just a history to me now. I have to let it go and accept the fact that things have changed, they changed for a reason.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

Love always

Dear "the hopes in my life",

Dreams are somehow making me realize that they are just a vision of fantasy that can only be aspired but in reality, they may not exist. I have a lot of hopes in life and sometimes I am not sure whether they make us feel safe or otherwise.

You are slowly resolving your puzzle of life and all the pieces are coming together for you. I am very happy that your roads are clear to travel on and you are now ready to step on to another facet of life. You deserved all the blessings for all the sacrifices you have made for the people you loved the most. We have been through a lot together, in good and bad times. It was not easy for us to go through all stages to come to where we stand now. I am just glad we managed to go through it without affecting our feelings for each other. Yet I still know that, it may not be easier for both of us until the day we utter our vows for each other considering the dispute we have to face but I guess our relationship is stronger than the challenges we have to hold against.

I may not know what will happen next, it is all God’s willing though I never believed in fate sometimes because I know that future is what we make and God will always provide us choices to decide on. I sincerely love you, and I know I have expressed that enough. Your love always remind me to be humble and to be patient. I just can’t stop falling in love with you and just by thinking of you makes me feel so peaceful inside.

Sometimes i found myself all teary because i just can't put it into words how grateful I am for having you. You have stood by me when the storms stroke in, and you have been there even sometimes with your tears to make sure I am always safe and happy. It is true that your love make me a better person and every tears fell onto your cheek for me will be returned with unconditional love and blessings.

Someday, you will see the amount of love i have for you. I can even sacrifice everything just to be by your side because being with you is all that matter in my life. I am not being stupid but my happiness lies in you and you are right i will make the biggest mistake for not fighting for this relationship, and so I will.

Each day I pray for your happiness, success and also good health, for all the things that you have done has made a difference in my life. Baby, don't be afraid of the future because whatever happened, I will always be here for you.

Thank you for making my life worthy and meaningful.

I love you baby and you will always be in my heart... now and for eternity.

Love always,


Saturday, November 03, 2007

My 3 Years Old BLog....

look at the time my friend... i started my blog 3 years ago, about the same time like now... only few days late... what can i say.. I love to write and maybe one day i can write a book based on each of the posts...

I hope you've enjoyed every bit of my writing as i was enjoying it as much. I am sorry if I have been too blunt in my writing which causes some resentment, dissatisfaction, hurtful feelings... Well, i bet i did not mean it that way as I was just letting my heart out and i know some of it was too cruel, too sharp, too blunt, and almost not human (he!he!he!)...

Keep on coming to my blog, i'll feed you with more stories in the future...

My Two Best GirlFriends...

~ Fellie, Neena & Belle ~

It was great catching up with Belle again with couple of beers. Reminds me of the good old days. Remind me of how old I am getting actually. If it was five or six years back, I know it will be just Macdonald's or KFC. I guess now it’s BEER era, no wonder everyone is getting beer belly at this age.

Anyways, we were at Monte’s, BSC (Bangsar Shopping Center) and had dinner. Belle was dissapointed with her choice and I was okay with everything because it was so nice to meet Belle again. We talked a while about neena’s letter before Mr.C came to join us. We had some fun laughing last night and when it’s time to pay the bill, he just gave me that look that says “no, I got it.” Aiseh, Mr.C tunjuk macho

But then I said to him “no, let me pay my part” Then he smiled and said to me”I like you so I want to buy you dinner.” I know he must be a great guy despite the first unpleasant meeting but I guess neena was right, I am prone to liking anyone, especially those who I think is nice and deserve some good treatment in return. Whatever it is, I hope he can make Belle happy despite the gap between them, but I guess it’s not a big deal after all. I hope neena sees all that. Not only the age or he being not so good-looking but the way he makes Belle happy. That’s what matter I guess.

Speaking of all this, I am imagining three of us growing old together at the same neighborhood like that in desperate housewives, only we’re not that desperate enough. It might sound boring but I know it will create a lot of meaningful memories for us, good memories most of it I know. According to Belle, Neena did imagined all that and of course as stupid as it is, me and belle laughed at the thought of that too. But it would be certainly nice to have each other around at good and bad times. Speaking of that, I hope Neena is doing great in Kuching. Belle is worried sick and me, as usual being the bad friend I have always been, It’s not surprising that I always forget to call her no matter how important this friendship is to me. But what I like about these people is, no matter how guilty I can be at times, all they gonna say is “Come on Lie, how old do you think we are? 7 years old? Don’t worry… and stop saying that you are a badddd friend. You're not, we love you as who u are.” Awwwwwwwwwwww. A good friend indeed. I am so lucky to have them in my life.

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