Monday, November 27, 2006

one challenging phase

Things had been okay between me and T now. After a long long talk yesterday… I realized a lot about him…

He is an innocent man when it comes to relationships. I can’t really blame him for what happened because it was his nature and the only way to make it work is to compromise with his true nature.

Our relationship is no doubt challenging. We used to tell each other that our relationship is not at its infancy and all these problems are just a phase for us to go through, but now we realized that we are still too young to go deeper and we need to get to know each other more before we decide to do anything in the future.

But I am just glad that no matter what happened, we still want to be with each other, more than anything. I need to cut down a bit of my attitude towards him and I will try to understand the more of his attitudes rather than asking him to fit in with mine and hopefully that things will be better in the future. I just don’t want to go through that phase again, it hurts so much and mostly, I don’t want to make him cry for the second time.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

killing heart

It’s true what my friend say.. I have been downgrading myself too much that there’s nothing left for me when I was hurting. I tried my best to keep my head down, instead it hurts me more. So I get myself up on my heels, and confront the matter myself. It was okay for the first day then the next day it’s starting to get worse and worse and I feel like I am already losing my faith.

I think now, I am ready for a confession and stop sinning.

All I need for myself is to keep a strong mind with inner strength.

I received a call from my sister today telling me my dad’s latest condition. I felt so guilty that the night he was suffocating, I was happily having a small bash at my place here in Kajang. I was in a bad shape for the past few days and was thinking that maybe a glass of wine could help this time. I can’t imagine while I was laughing with my friends here, dad in sabah was suffocating all night long because of his heart problem.

But Thank God, with His good grace, My dad is okay despite having to face family problems. This is when I can’t wait to have my own career and voice out my dissatisfaction on some sensitive matters in the family.

I can’t imagine the worst case scenario just yet, please don’t ever let it happen since I am not ready to face that yet.

Thursday, November 23, 2006

The happy ending of Semester 1

The semester is coming to an end. I have taken my final paper for EMS (Damn, the paper was tough though I have studied for it for 7 days in a row!!) and went through the proposal presentation (With good comments from the examiner himself..hehe..) and now my hormone is in balance. The end of my challenging times…

I am done with Semester 1!!!

I should celebrate this with a bottle of wine… but too bad, no wine to be served 

I need a holiday…

I want to go back home…

I miss the comfort of staying at home,
watching channel 70, HBO etc…
I miss eating solid food without having to pay them even a penny…
I miss yoyo,
I miss the Chinese food, the fried dumpling, Ice Lemon tea (Not kicai Ping)

and mostly…

I want to drive that X5….
Well, didn’t get the chance to drive it except for reparking it in the patio…

I miss the beach

I miss keegan, sanchiya

I miss the yellow couch at home…

I miss cooking in my sister’s kitchen….

Arrghhh, I miss her cooking…

Gawd, I have a lot to catch up!!

I want to go back and have all that!!!

KK, wait for me…. I’ll be there to celebrate you!!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Sigh. Sigh. Sigh

I should be happy. I got NSF!!! At least something I could be proud of! But life was too much to grasp for happiness and I still feel the emptiness all over me..
Every night I reflect on my life and ask “why is it not enough to fill up the gaps? Was I hoping too much or did I ask too much that life gets bored of me now?”

I found myself taking too much of my family’s words but it’s important, they are my family though they dun really know me that much (my bad, for not sharing) because I know they want nothing but to see me happy. I am supposed to be happy now right? But why is it that I feel so much gap in it?

“C’on now fellie, surviving is what you do best”

But it’s not easy to be strong all the time since my life is full of craps that I just feel like throwing things away and run to my family for comfort. NOT THIS TIME!! Not when I am already 24. Gawd!!! Obviously, I am exaggerating here…. Big News, people!!!!




………………. Sigh.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Do you Feel SaFe when you'RE in LURVEEE???!!!

No. Seriously. I wish life is more than just having a boyfriend or girlfriend. But I am just saying.

Well, when you’re in love, it’s not about yourself anymore. You have to consider the other person. It’s not about making yourself happy. But making the other person happy. So you’ll be happy too.

It’s ridiculous.

Those love story you see on TV are all lies. There’s no happy ending. Marriage? It’s the scariest thing I will ever commit myself to.

I love him, but it’s too scary. It makes me start my puffing habit again. I need a break.
I know putting this in public will create a question mark to my friend again

“what is she up to this time?”

Guys, Im unpredictable and I am guilty as charged.

I wish life is easier.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Always the sypnosis first.. nothing else matter

Voice 1: What are you, bitch? Bestfriends won’t do that!!
Voice 2: What did you just call me? Instead of pointing fingers at me, will you even listen to me?
Voice 1: Will that even make a difference to who you are now, B?
Voice 2: I thought you would understand (sigh)………..

I used to believe friends are angels sent from above. But now? Yes, they are angels though some say that there are good and bad angels around us (I mean the real angels like in “Constantine”).

Why is it never been peaceful in there?

The missing parts in the puzzle, no one wants to know what really happened. They just want to believe the synopsis of the whole story and who are the good guys and the bad.

“I am not peaceful. Still. Because I am always seen as the villain. The bad angels in the story.”

Story taken by – “Story of my life” (check your dictionary)

Friday, November 03, 2006

Adorable girls hit the "long-term relationship" category!!

Man are mostly in love with adorable girls. Believe what i say? here goes....

Few months ago, I read one of the Cleo’s issues which says about the high prediction of long lasting relationship between a man and a woman. The highlight was that, a man are likely to stay longer in a relationship when they are dating adorable girls. Is that true? Since we practically know that most guys tend to turn their heads when a sexy or hot girls passing by?

Frankly speaking, I can’t agree less with the idea.

Have you seen a handsome tall good-looking guy walking hand in hand with a duckling in the street? Some might say “Oh, maybe they had good sex?” (Are you jeering at me now?? Hellooooo, we are already in the 20 centuries, knock your head to open your eyes that it happened and I know malaysian are still abit close-minded when it comes to physical intimacy, screw you!!)… I know it’s wrong to do intercourse before marriage, but that’s not the climax of the topics I am talking about here. Back to the topic.

Well, don’t focus on the handsome guy just yet, let’s talk about the duckling. Is she that ugly to his eyes? Nope. She might be pretty inside. My point is, some girls though they are not as hot as Beyonce or Jessica Alba, they are adorable and fun to be with. Guys enjoyed hanging out with this kind of girl.

Okay, let’s look at Jennifer Aniston’s movie, “Rumour has it”. Let’s just flip through one of the scene in the movie when she was comforting her sister about a guy and she asked her “When you play tennis, or having dinner, or watch TV with him, do you guys have fun?” The answer is absolutely “Yes.” That’s why her sister marry him in the first place. But again, I am talking about adorable girls here.

Adorable girls are mostly simple, funny, have a great sense of humour, does not really care how she looks in the outside but more on the inside, caring, sweet, hugable, cuddly and loving. Good looking guys can have as many woman as they want like John Tucker, but only one will stay in their heart forever. Who are these girls again? Bingo. Adorable girls. Adorable girls know what these guys really want. Not sex, materials or money – but a good time. When it comes to soul searching, adorable girls are hot on sale. Errr, you know what I mean. Pls don’t use dictionary to find these meanings. Read those lines in between and you will understand.

Well, guys out there – tell me that I’m wrong, but these girls are worth trying.

Pretty/hot/sexy girls out there – try working on being adorable more than “Ahhh, my mascara is melting and it’s all over my face..” or “more make up, so he will notice me..” or worse.. “I need a breast implants, or else he won’t even look at me..” those are temporary, ask Justin Timberlake. Cameron Diaz is older but she's adorable.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Dedicated to my dear friends: Emily, Ivan, Pete etc...

Loving a person is hard, it's no surprise that we tend to get jealous, hurt or angry with the person you love the most. I have encountered so many events where I am jealous, angry, frustrated with my friends and loved ones. There are times I found myself so selfish for being utterly insensitive of their feelings.

One of the greatest guilt I felt so far was during my birthday surprised thrown by Emily and the gang. I felt a pang of guilt when a dear friend accidentally spilled out what happened that very day. We were so happy while eating the cakes and those bunch of Domino's, we laughed a lot and obviously everyone was having fun and that was the greatest gift I get from them – the joy and fun during my birthday. I wish so hard that I could join the fun till the dot of the party, but there are some other matter I need to resolve at that time and I had to leave my friends in the living room having party themselves playing poker.

But what really touched my heart so deeply was, they actually comprehended to my situation though that was the least expectation I have for them. Obviously I feel like I was being a jerk and expect some bad remarks from what I have done, but apart from making fun of what I have done, they did not say anything bad at all. I feel so honored to have this kind of people in my life.

So to those concerned the topic above, thanks for being a sincere and lovely friend to me. Even though someday we will be apart, but I will never forget those fun moments we had together. Nothing I could ask from the Man above but to keep all of you always in His keeping and may this wonderful friendship will last forever.

Emily, Ivan, Pete and those I didn’t get to mention their names here, thank you. That was more than a birthday gift and surprise to me.

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