Tuesday, December 27, 2005

In the eyes of the children...

It never seemed too easy to see them without tears on the eyes..
My love for the kids...
my concern on their upbringing and their future..
if you can do something, this is the time...
they are human just like us..
I love them very much, with all my heart...
I thank God for opening my eyes to the other side of the world which you should know that you are very LUCKY!!
Comprehending to the fact that the pennant has left a big hole in me and the memories of RKK kept on playing in my head. It is something which has never occurred to me before. I didn’t expect I’m now longing for their laughter and their companionship. The joy in their faces, the features of their wide smile and happiness are which stayed in my heart deep inside. The yearning of offering them my love and care did not just end there. Two days after, we visited them again after being invited over for xmas lunch. Of course I will never go there empty-handed, so I spent the whole Xmas eve wrapping candies for the kids. Again, i would like to thank my beautiful friends - Yan, Jemeng, Sandra and Erda whom helped me getting it done. Without these wonderful gurls, i don't think i can finish wrapping the candies. I managed to do something wonderful on Christmas. As much as they were jumping in joy to see us, I was thrilled meeting them too. Seeing them with their new clothes and their jovial faces on xmas day really make me feel overjoyed. Fr. Julian was already there when we came to RKK, and he was quite surprise to see us. After we had lunch with Fr. Julian, we joined the kids with their little games, talked to them and just enjoy the fun with them around. Honestly, it was really fun having them all around.

Friday, December 23, 2005

The pennants

It was the pennants the priest gave us on the confession day that brought me to the orphanage. The place I never expected to go. In fact I went there twice. After preparing the food on Friday evening, we went to RKK (Rumah Keluarga Kita) which is very near to Kajang Commuter Station. At first, everybody was feeling awkward with each other’s present but after breaking the ice, we managed to fit in with them and unexpectedly there is a 4-year old boy called Michael that makes me feel so different. He’s very talkative and adorable. He really touch me so deeply inside. Playing and talking to him make me feel so sappy and I can’t stop holding him like he is my own. It is very depressing to know that there is a 4 year old child like him living in this world without the love of real parents, reminding myself how lucky I was to be born and grew up contentedly.

How happy I was preparing the food that evening. Never did I envisage that the place I’m going will be the place I will never forget in my entire life. To say I regret it is totally a stupid thing to utter. In fact, I am already attached to them, especially Michael.

This is the contribution which i sincerely gave to the children in RKK, with the help of my friends. Thanks to Yan, Jemeng and Sandra for helping me to prepare them.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

The Warmest Season of the Year..

Xmas is almost here and again I realize how fast the time flies.. life has been beautiful for the past few days. Been out a lot with the guys. Thanks to Jaff and Azfar for always being there for me when im in need. You guys are really wonderful, despite the “teasing session” you guys had been giving me. Grasping the glee enclosing my very days, giving me the clear view of how much I want to improve my life and be somebody worthy. I’ve been having this bad habit of puffing again, and now that my friends saw it happening in front of them with their very own eyes. Don’t worry guys, just give me some time to put a stop to it and I want you guys to know that it doesn’t mean im an evil slut or what you call a spoil brat (this is a title for a rich kid rite? Im not even rich). Im just having it because it’s BACK!!! But ive been telling myself to stop…and it will.

My weekend this time was okay. I was so bored few days ago and I drove to putrajaya to meet Jaff. We had A&W that night and like usual, im always the one with the unfinished food. I guess I need to expand my tummy so that i can whack my whole meal at a time. Azfar joined us a bit later that night. We hang around a little while at one of the prominent bridge in putrajaya. The scenery was beautiful from where we stood and there was a function in putrajaya (a closing ceremony of something) which leads to the discharge of fireworks just at the back of the beautiful mosque (from our view). Then we had teh tarik afterwards at one of the mamak shop in presint 9 till 1.30am.

Looking at my friend’s achievement, somehow I see myself an honorable feeble for being unable to afford myself. Jaff with his MyVi and Azfar….guess what he’s driving?? Well, I don’t think Azfar will be happy if I break the news here since this is so public. So I leave it to Azfar to break the news, give some effort to keep in touch with him and he will update you …hehheh… Azfar, im really proud of you.. I remembered your birthday that day but forgot to wish you “a very happy 22nd birthday. It has been sooooo nice having you in my circle and you know I am soooooo proud of you!!” I hope you like the wallet me and jaff bought for you….
We had a very nice conversation that night and I enjoyed it very much. I had my free lesson from the both of them. “Shame on you Fellie for being so incapable of ‘playing with words’!!” We went out again the next day to Sunway and Azfar came to fetch me. It was about an hour journey to Sunway, went through Kajang Silk and LDP highways. So unlike KK, you cant go around this place without at least a ten dollar note in your wallet since you have to spend for tolls. We had a nice time that day – Me, Jaff, Azfar and Yam. Shah and Tharmaindra came later that day and we all had drinks at Dunkin Donut before we say our goodbyes.

Xmas is only a week away and according to the STAR today “the trappings of the season are all too apparent at shopping malls nationwide….” Totally NOOOOOTT except for Midvalley of course. No wonder everybody prefer going to Midvalley since it’s the most happening place of all and the thing I don’t understand was why xmas this time is transformed to winter wonderland. You can see white xmas trees everywhere, or maybe that doesn’t really count because as long as there are xmas trees all over the places and most important thing is let’s savor the xmas spirit and share the joyous of xmas with everyone despite the differences between us. Oh well, every celebration is always about bringing back the family together. Though’ I won’t be getting all 9 xmas gifts this year from my family like I always had on xmas eve, but they are always in my heart with or without them around physically..

Thursday, December 15, 2005

Less xmas spirit??

hello everyone, we meet again...!

i just bought a 120cm height of xmas tree and some ornaments for it..but its not done yet since i forgot to buy the lights.. i really like it. First time putting up xmas tree myself with some xmas songs as the background musics at that time.. For a moment there, i feel like home (sob*sob). eechibun wrote in her blog that xmas this time is less fun.. i thought i heard the same thing from Jaff too during Raya time... but try Midvalley and i tell ya, the place is beautifully decorated at the centre court with the theme of white and snowy xmas. Not to forget the loud xmas songs filling up the whole building.. i went to Alamanda and KLCC for the past few days and there isnt much of a xmas spirit too... of course it is very sad..

I went to UPM and UM today with Tharmaindra. UPM...hmm.. i leave it to jaff to do the description of UPM but UM... i kinda like the place or maybe because i saw the new college in UM and it looked nice and luxurious from the outside. Not to forget that the admin is kind of well-organized. What can u expect right? its one of the oldest university in Asia...

I was happy to see Jaff today with his labcoat and glove covering his hands, really reminds me of UMS.. He can't stop smiling when he saw us. I know what you're thinking jaff so stop it ok?!!

ok, here's the picture that i really wanna show you. From left, its me, Vick, (You-know-who) and Grace... I should thank Vick for this pic...

Saturday, December 10, 2005

Live life to the fullest

Guess what ???!!!!!!

I met jaclyn Victor two days back. Grace's sister, Esther, told us that Jaclyn Victor is coming over to the exhibition held in MINT (Malaysia Institute of Nuclear Technology). Since me and Grace are a big fan of her, we went and see her sing live.

Yes, i saw her. I even shook hand with her, wished her merry xmas. She signed my calendar card and Grace asked her if she has plan for xmas. She told us that she is performing for TV2, if im not mistaken. We both didnt bring camera but lucky we have charming Vick who is a doctor-to-be and also my junior from KML has his at that time. We managed to take only one pic with Jac since Vick's camera is out of batt. Before Jac leave the building, we managed to lock hands and wished each other merry xmas for the last time. She is super friendly and nice and seriously speaking, she sounds so much better when you're in the same room with her singing live. It is not like what you hear in the radio or telly. Her woice is so much powerful than that...

Another shocker is that, i pierced my nose. I really like it tho' it is damn painful when i just got it pierced. i like it, i like it, i like it..... im thinking of having a tattoo at the back of my belly...but i really have to think of the consequences and it will cost me a lot i know, unless if i do it in KK. Dont worry, that doesnt mean im wild and ready to party.... I just want to have everything when i still can and this does not concern others. We live only once and we will never grow younger so my advice is, live life to the fullest!! adios!!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

The days that went by...

Today had been the best day of my life…

Somehow I see a flicker of happiness before me and I cant stop smiling since this morning… Things had gone wonderfully and I love my life now… tho’ sometimes I have to go through some hard times but that doesn’t stop me to have fun and enjoy life to the fullest. I didn’t mean to exaggerate but I am happy today :)

Sadness, disappointments, heartaches, confusions, frustrations are inevitable but no matter how hard it can be at times, there is always a way out and none can help except ourselves. Motivation and discipline is the key to escape, I must say.

Now im sleeping over at my old place so I get to use my streamyx again. Jemeng had gone to bed so im alone in the living room with the radio on to break the awkward silence..

Tomorrow I have to start my labwork… I bet En.Haris is really furious to see me since he had been trying to contact me regarding the quotation of the items I need for my labwork… I hope to get it settled by tomorrow, including bacteria streaking and gram staining practice.

For this coming xmas celebration, im going to celebrate it with friends –FOR THE FIRST TIME…
Stupid me for letting out tears the other day…I just cant stand the sadness in me when I saw the xmas tree and the deco in one of the outlet in Kajang.

We went to this small store called Living Cabin where they have all the xmas deco and the display was so nicely done. The xmas songs filled up the department store and I was looking at all the deco. All of sudden everything disturbed me inside. I miss home, I miss my mom, I miss keegan I miss everyone at home…remembering that the xmas this year wont be the same for me since I wont be celebrating it with my family. So it really make me so sad and lonely inside.. No matter how rebellious I can be, I still have a soft spot inside and unexpectedly I turned it on that very day. Sandra was aware of the situation and she had to drag me out from the store to keep me away from it. Funny it may sound, but I never been so far away from my family for xmas.

To keep me away from this feeling, im going to buy a xmas tree, put it up and decorate it myself. I will give myself an extra treat with a nice blouse for xmas. I was supposed to join the xmas play but in the end I decided not to. Previously, I planned to go to Melacca with Jemeng to see how the xmas is held in A Famosa but because of the financial constraint im having, I guess I have to cancel the trip. We’ll see how it goes and I will keep u update about my xmas preparation… till then, we meet again.. im going to bed now… good night..

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

The new lodging and the unforeseens

These few days had been quite busy for me. I just shifted to a new place in Hentian Kajang. Tharmaindra came and helped me out since he got a bigger car. The new place isn’t that bad. I am staying with all sarawakian girls and currently sharing room with Grace, the most happening girl I ever met in UKM. The other girl is Philo, a very down-to-earth Mirian and Angela, my senior in KML.

All of us just moved in so the house is not fully complete with basic necessities tho’ we already have a fridge and a stove. Grace and Philo is going back to their respective hometown end of the week so the shopping for kitchen utensils will have to wait until everybody is back. Now, im staying overnight at my old place, Jemeng managed to persuade me to come and stay with her for tonight since jenny just went back to Sabah. But im not alone here, Grace, Maria and Aina tag along. They are all sleeping in the living room now, while im still here writing my blog.

I don’t feel good about the things happened for the past few days. Firstly was about my old housemate. I dunno what happened that she has totally changed; I mean she is like that according to Jemeng, a very serious person. I didn’t see it coming, if only I knew, I would have kept my distance. I didn’t mean she is totally a bad person but she likes to keep things to herself which made me unable to talk to her at times. Hence, for more than 2 weeks, it seemed like we both are strangers to each other and only spoke a word when the time is critical like what happened last week. That was when we queried her about the rent. Until now, I don’t really understand how she counted and charged me for my part. We made a mistake by not approaching her face to face. But I cant do anything when I am only a newcomer and I know I have no right to bug in, so I kept quiet. But my roommate was too scared to talk to her, especially when she is not in a good mood almost all the time. So my roommate had no choice but to give her a letter before she herself fly back to Sabah. Yan’s letter was blunt, sharp and straight-forward. So it made her cry, I was the victim of the day to see her swollen eyes. I felt bad for a moment there… but it was not entirely my fault. She came and talked to me, I didn’t say much because I don’t want to make things worse for her. I thought things will get better after that, but it was still the same the day after and she is still in her world of her own. That’s why I chose to ignore, that’s the best thing to do. It all started right after she asked me about Harry Potter. She wanted me to bring her for Harry Potter since I got a car to use but I have watched it. The moment I told her that, her expression changed, her face was like telling me that I did something really awful to her. Since then, there was an awkward silence between us.
Somehow I wish that I don’t have Erda’s car to use, I wish she had never given me the car before she go back to Sabah. But it is Erda’s car that I have more friends now. Well, it’s clear to see that everything we have has its own advantage and disadvantage.

I went to to church for daily mass yesterday and the priest said something about forgiveness. The feeling of guilt suddenly rushed over me and jenny’s face appeared in my head. I have to say I have my part that is wrong even though I am not the cause of it. If I have been so diplomatic and kind, things wont happened the way it had. There are times when my egoism takes over me and I become such a bad- ass to people. This is why I have to always pray and seek for forgiveness to keep me aware of my wrongdoings. I am not a kind person, everything that I have felt, or given, is not enough to label me as a nice and kind person.

My new lodging- my housemates are great but I can see there is an uneasiness between them. I have to be careful of that. I talked to Grace and told her that no matter what happen in the house, one of us has to be the peacemaker. Grace – despite being so blunt at times, she is a very nice person, open minded and the thing that I like about her is that, she is honest, direct-speaking and totally not a hypocrite. I feel comfortable with her.

I guess the post is already long enough to bore the readers so im heading to a full-stop now. My back start to ache and it means I really need my beauty sleep. So goodnight everyone. We’ll meet again – astalavista for now….

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