Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Breeze of night

It’s 1.00 in the morning, and what I like about staying up till this late is because of the breeze of the night. It is soooo cooling, so relaxing and I feel so peaceful inside. Oh well, sometimes the night gets very warm and humid and you feel like cursing but then again, there was a bit of downpour about half an hour ago and the weather makes me feel like cuddling my pillows to sleep.

I don’t really like to write when I don’t have anything to write about, but I just feel like writing so here I am.

I can feel some emptiness inside, not to forget the hidden hatred I can’t seem to get rid of. I am a person who will always whine, but I don’t usually call myself a hater since I don’t like to keep anything bad for anything or anyone. Again, that’s me. Usually I call the situation I am having now as “going back to basic” again, where I like to be alone. Maybe I should blame the hormone and speaking of that I know my time is near.

I feel so guilty for not calling my dad on his birthday, I was so busy with my own life, making myself and everyone else around me happy that I forgot one of the most important people in my life ON HIS BIRTHDAY!!! “

“…Pa, siou tu ou aku nokosirou di birthday nu…”(Dad, sorry I forgot about your birthday)

Looking at the clock ticking on the wall, I really need to hibernate now since it’s gonna be another early day for me tomorrow.

“Lord, forgive me for all the wrong doings I have done to hurt You lately. I have been selfish, ignorant and disgraceful to You. Renew me Oh Lord, so I may find my path again to serve You Oh Lord…”

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Prayer to NURIN JAZMIN....

I would like to say a little prayer for Nurin Jazmin who was brutally tortured and murdered by the worst animal we can ever imagine.

I didn’t really follow the whole story, but it was so tragic that it became a prominent issue to the country. Now, we know how insecure the lives of the little ones, and I hope this will be a big turning point to the people of Malaysia (especially the government) to really look at the problems they have been neglecting for quite a while. I am just glad that the government have realized what they should do to protect the next generation of our country. They are important to us and we have to make sure they stay alive or else who will be the next leader after our generation?

I can’t forget the face of that poor girl, people told me she was crying upon dying. She must have been suffering a lot, imagine the innocent 8-year old girl who doesn’t know anything about the cruelty of the world? Do you still think we are practically safe now? There are a lot I can suggest to improve the securities of this country. Most of all, government should let the nation voice out their oppinion, if people are banned from voicing out, how can we improve the service for the nation and for the people who creates this country? It is better to prevent than to heal.

I might not know exactly how Nurin and other victim’s family feel for their lost but I know it must have been extremely hard for them. It is important that the government start letting the nation voice out their opinion openly and improve from the core. Don’t discriminate others who are capable of improving, in fact let us all together handle this problem despite the differences between us all. It is time to civilise those who are yet to be civilized. Come on, people! Let us carry on the peace we have in our country. Don’t let these animals take away our pride of being a malaysian.

To Nurin's family, I am sincerely feeling sorry for your lost and I believed that despite being tortured before dying, she is already sitting beside our Heavenly Father. She did not die wastefully, in fact your lost has opened the eyes of the nation and awaken all the people who has been sleeping and brought us all together into the reality and things that really matter. Dear friends and those who are reading this, let us offer Nurin and her family a little prayer.

"....Dear Almigthy Father, bless us all not for our sins but for the love You have given to us unconditionally. Bless those people who has been suffering and who had just lost their precious ones. May they relied only to You and not the worldly burden they have to bear. Strengthen those who have lost their faith in You, may they find peace in You again. Bless all souls who have left us from this world, may their soul will peacefully rest in the place You have prepared for them... I asked this Lord in the name of Christ Himself, Amen..."

Dear parents of Nurin, we felt your lost and may your beloved daughter is now resting in peace.


Things had been going perfectly normal for me. Like usual, I am trying my best to improve my performance as a master student, and even though how much I tried to come up to the standard, I know nothing will be enough to value the qualities I have.

The thing is, it was not the fault of others that I am feeling down like this and I know it happened a lot of times that sometimes people just figured that I am just being me. Yes, in fact, I am being me. But the key problem is – I let people put my guard down, I let them get the best of me, I let them insult me, look down on me, I let them treat me like I am the most insensitive person in the world that they can just shoot me with their sharp words. I let them talk sarcastically to me, I let them JUDGE me, even my good friends do that to me!!! That’s how pathetic I can be (Sigh!).

People can just tell me what to do, and disrespect me like how my sister and her husband treat me sometimes. I assumed that they just forgot that I have feelings though they have actually violated my sincerity and kindness. I feel so dishonored sometimes. I have been trying everything possible to give my best and sometimes I just dunno where I am going anymore - is it for other people or for myself. But like what I have been pointing since the beginning, there’s no expectation I have for the people around me, and the same I hope they will not put any high expectations on me because when you set a standard, I don’t think I can be the best person you want me to be. Like what people has been saying, I am just being me. There – they just said that!

But as far as I am concern, even though sometime I can be very unreliable in keeping the routine goes on, I am very honest and sincere in what I am giving. I hope I can be appreciated even as imperfect as I am. I am not so perfect, making mistakes are what I do best. But I am always trying to be the best I can be, I think I’ve said that already.

So dear friends and those who knows me, I know i am far from being perfect. But i hope you can accept me for what I am because if you can't accept the way i have been and the way i will be, I am afraid I might not making the A-list of the people you will consider as a true friend because I just can’t do more than what I am capable of. But what i have given is nothing but my sincerity and my care. As much as i want things to work out, it is He who gives and only He who can give.

Thank you for your time.

Friday, September 07, 2007

How different can we be??

Reality does carry its own weight!

We can run but we can never hide from the truth. People voiced out their oppinions without realizing its impact to the other person. Whether we like it or not, it’s their perspective and we can’t deny that they actually point out the truth about life. Yes, reality hurts!

I was in denial because I thought love will endure. The truth is, they do happened no matter how much we tried to disprove the fact that we will lose our integrity when differences are indiscreetly amplified. I hate to think about it, I hate to highlight the differences. Sometimes I was wondering why God implanted differences in every creatures He made – because the diversity will make this place a better place to be? I cried in silence why God has made all of us different from each other. So we can start appreciating the uniqueness of His creation but did He ever know that differences sometimes can make people hate each other and start killing?

When differences exist, people start immersing themselves into individuality. They start highlighting how good they are, how exceptional their little group is. That is bullshit! Seriously!

So what if there is such thing as mix marriages? I know it can be very much challenging but there must be one successful marriage out of hundreds of mix marriages right? Even if the possibilities are vague but there is always a chance that you can stand out despite all those failures they been talking about, right? Right??
I still hope, love endures everything.

I sincerely love T, and even if how much people try to highlight our differences and warned us about all the things that could happen in the future, i sincerely hope that somehow it's the differences that make us love each other more than anything else because i believe that we both can make this place a better place to be. I am not blinded by love, love alone could not withstand the flow against it but faith and dreams that we both have for each other and the future ahead.

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