Serenity

Sometimes I wonder why I am still lingering around at the same stage when I can upgrade myself to the stage I would like to call “ultimate autonomous”, or in other words, a freedom to decide my own life.

The problem has been prolonged for quite a very long time but now I know my time is not here yet and I have no choice but to give up to the famous saying, “patience is a virtue”.

I need to be patient to get what i want in the future. Speaking of being patient, I am going back to Sabah, not because i want it, but she wants it and like usual, i have to comply because the word 'no' is apparently never in her dictionary. I have like 10 days to 'savor' the beauty of pain and anything can happen in 10 days. I am, of course, worried. He has 10 days to attack me verbally.

Let's leave the whole family crisis story to this dot, I need to relax myself from thinking the worst-case scenario that could happen in that 10 days.

3 days ago, I was invited for a family function, at first I thought it was just a normal get-together visit but it was way too different from what I have expected. I met the whole family, when I say whole family, that includes the extended members of the family – His relatives.

It was at first very disappointing as the ladies judged me by hitting me with the cruelest inferiority I ever had, but I was lucky that it didn’t happened to my face, at the very least. I know when they say be patient, this is one of the many unpleasant situations I have to have patience for. Serenity is all I need at that moment. Nevertheless, what more important is, he was there to make me strong and I am just glad he was always by my side at times of need.

Marriage I know is not all about love. Everybody is talking about marriage as if it’s like going out for a date with the most gorgeous creature on earth, or like choosing chocolate or strawberry cake for your birthday (and you can have both if you like). No, it’s not just about that. It is a DECISION. A decision to spend the rest of your life with someone you chose to be with. Fate has nothing to do with it because you’re the one who’s making the FATE really happen. You may call yourself the fate-maker or whatever you like, but it’s the future we make and not even the ‘feng-shui’ believer can ensure how our future will be like. They can just predict what’s gonna happen but they can’t make it happen, unless you want it. We create the future. Some may have different perspective, and this is simply mine.

Whatever junks or truth they say about marriage, I know marriage is never easy. But whatever it is, if I am going to get married and spend the rest of my life with someone, I want it to be with him, for better or worse and I wouldn’t want it the other way around. Of all people I have met, been with, had a crush on or whatever you call ‘like’ or ‘love’, this is the first time I am so sure about someone, so earnestly. It is the first time I am bowing down, which is against my nature, to something so pure and natural – which is falling in love over and over again. Not trying to be mushy here but just the thing that I would like to admit, and this is what my blog is all about people.

And because of the decision I have made, I have to wait until the right time comes and do what I am supposed to do.