The answer to “WHEN, WHERE and HOW” – which leads to “HERE”

Days had gone really slow for me. I had been sluggish myself. I know it's easy to finish up my second draft of my proposal but im not sure what’s happening to me that I kept on delaying it. Today is 4th of November,26 more days before December and it's christmas. Yesterday I went to Midvalley to meet up with Belle. It was only both of us and we really had fun with the lunch and the movie. I told her what’s going on with my life recently and she was happy to hear it. I remembered this was what she said to me “People grow up, and they changed. Changes are part of our life.” It was so soothing to hear that from Belle. Of all the bestfriends I have, I know she is the very few people that really understands me. Although we don’t meet that much, but we care for each other like how we care for our own sister.

Looking at some of people's life around me– I never meant to underestimate or downgrading anyone. But seriously look at ourselves and remind yourselves the level of maturity you are at. I am not judging anyone, again I remind you, but is it always sunny days? NOPE. Some people say look at the present time and don’t trouble yourself by looking forward at our future. WHY CAN”T WE? Because it is complicating our life and make us in total fear?? That’s what I call childish if we ever have that thought. If you want to accomplish something great in life, it is not only about now, we have to see beyond our times now. The journey is so far ahead but it is not hard to predict when you have your plans coming with you. Seriously, before I come here, I have foreseen myself going somewhere far from my own zone doing things that I love. I kept on telling Jeremy – I still remember, it was about a year ago – “I want to be somewhere not here, so I can do something I really loved and be a better person.” The only thing I was not so sure was - WHEN and WHERE. But I have made an effort in the HOW. So, first thing that really striked me was – my achievement in UMS. I knew it before that it is my only ticket to achieve something greater after UMS. So in my third year, I worked really hard. I doubled my effort and of course I kept my distance from people because I was starting focusing on myself and my study. I didn’t mean keeping distance as stop being friends with others but I put a limit to my social life and entertaintments. I gave more time to my study and prepare for whatever comes in the future. That was my goal. With God’s blessing, I have achieved what I want in UMS. I felt glad that I went to KL for my internship training in April-June because it opened my option and with the help of few others in KL, I am now HERE.

Whatever happened to me in UMS, it was a blessing in disguise. I regret none of it. Those who had helped me in making my dreams come true – Eechi, Vero, Chris, Joanna, Clarice, Annie and Ray – THANK YOU!! I acknowledged everything that you have ever done to me. Joanna and Clarice – Thanks for helping me out with my studies, u two had been so great to me. Eechi – Thanks for being so understanding and so helpful to me. Tho’ we both know what happened to us at the end of our 2nd year, but I’m glad things got back to how it used to be. Chris – Thanks for being there when I was in need. I think it’s time we move on with our life. In future to come, you will know why things happened and it’s for the better, I know you knew it. Ray – I really hoped you see what the advantages you have in your life and be optimistic about it. Everyone else who is not named here – thank you too.

Some say I am less friendly now? That’s just a label for a personality right? Well, let’s just say I may be less kind at heart now according to your own definition, nevertheless I have to remind myself – I really have to be more focused now. I am alone here in peninsular and if I still have that nature of mine (being so kind whatsoever), I don’t think I can survive in this chaotic life HERE. So the only thing Im supposed to really look upon is – my LIFE, FUTURE and Happiness to come.

I still want to thank that someone who really changed me in terms of looking at life in different perspective. Without this important person, I will not be as strong as what I am now. Now, I can see the different side of life. A person who was once called me a pain in the ass is actually the one who held out the hand to help me escape from the deepest hole I ever fell into.

These were the things I wanted to say but couldn’t say it to anyone. Maybe some may found this hurtful but that was not what I wanted to show here. This is the fact that everybody must now – people changed and that’s how they learn the tricks of life. Whether we like it or not, we have to move on. That is the only way to heal the pain. Trust me.