CHOICES… did we make the right one?

Dad, Me and Mom

I have been making a lot of mistakes, I know that. I was being so self-centered that I don't care about what others may feel about my action. I know where I came from and I do love my family very much and it was a mistake to expect a lot from them. I’ve been fighting alone on my own, not knowing I could get all the support I need from them. I guess I I was too arrogant to let them in.

Mom called me few days ago and they knew I was having financial problems, yet I never asked for money, my arrogance. The next day they banked in some money for me without informing me first. Kane called me to tell me about it, I was overwhelmed with tears because I didn’t expect money from my parents. I felt guilty for not opening my eyes enough to see how much they care for me, that's my arrogance.

Mom asked “when are you coming back? You’ll be there for only a year right?”

Nonchalantly I replied, “Im staying here for long. Not only for the whole course of my master. I might want to settle down here.”

I know she was sad with my reply, with her low voice she answered, “you want to leave us here?”

It is hard for me. I love my mom so dearly. I didnt mean to be this way. I feel like just leave everything n go back, meet my mum and hug her really tight. her know how much I love her.

But then, I never regret myself for being here because I know what I am here for. To study. To achieve something and bring back something so everyone will be proud of me. These are the things Ive been wanting to accomplish. It's not about supremacy issues or showing off, that's just me. God is the reason why I am here, It's his blessings. Because only He knows what i need to do.

To my brother Jim, I know it is hard for you. Hang in there and you will understand why things happened and why you are where you’re at now. To my sister Kane, I took cover for you but I really hope you are aware of your own mistake and make it right before it is too late.

To my mom and my dad, though’ it is impossible for you to read this but I want u to know that I love you so much and please do not think that I never care. I do care. Always care. All my tears are for the happiness of me being a daughter to both of you. I love you.