here comes the push..

I have been wanting to write.... for a very long time.. Yet, it wasnt as easy as i thought. Maybe it was the absence of the 'push'..

Suddenly...today... the push re-appears again and this time it came so strong. It attacked the very core of my desire and I am writing now with the 'push' I so long to have. I need to vent out everything that has been bottling inside me.

I was out today to watch Liverpool play against MU. And it was one of their disappointing game. The game was boring, and but the talking after the game successfully mended my sleepiness. Sigh. I missed my novena. I went home, trying to finish the ironing which I started early this evening. I have about 10 working shirts to iron before i go to bed. While doing it, my mind was wandering around... and I know there's something I have been waiting to do.. I left all the crumpled shirts on my bed, took my company laptop and start typing without thinking...

So, here comes the push.....

My future.

My life.

The options. The choices. The decision.

It hasn't been a very motivating year for me. at least the starting. I was fooled by the online astrologer who has been predicting dates that will bring me luck. and as far as i am concern about my future and my big break-out, nothing has happened, yet. I mean a lot of things happened. But so far, all my wishes remain as dreams. Dreams that will never be a reality for me. *Disappointment*

I guess i am having all this dilemma because I am scared of the damage that i might cause if i finally make my decision. Though it might be the right decision for me, but I know it will definitely hurt some people. And that's the worst part of all. No matter what was done to me and to T, I wish i dont have to fight back. I wish I dont have to take revenge. Because i dont think I can handle it. I still have my dad's words in my head.

I know some of my family members do not embrace all the things dad had taught us when he was still alive. But as a strong believer, it is one of the most important thing in life.

"Let them hurt you, but do not hurt them back"

These words are forever engraved in my head. I am not sure if that is a good thing or otherwise, but it keeps me from hurting other people. So I believe that is good?

Regardless, as a fresh grad, who just entered the real working world, my employer pay me well. But with the amount of work I have done, I know I am cheaply paid. Having said that, money wasnt my biggest issue. I still think what I am earning is good enough compared to others my age. But, life is still so meaningless without the freedom to decide what u really wanna do in life.

It really is sad. I wish to break free. One fine day when my wings are ready, i will prepare myself for the storm and leave my flocks to explore the real world outside. Life is without boundary, and all you need is preparation and.......freedom.