Never a "girl next door"

Why am i still lingering here? What happened to the happy-go-lucky LIE... well i still am.. it's just that maybe something occured in me. Knowing that Jaff is back home... it's not fair i cant go back.. Home is always a holiday for us. it's always nice to be home with all the catching ups to do.

Well, i do realize some people prefer to stay at their home place and unwilling to leave their comfort zone, and i was thinking myself why did i leave home? well, sorry to say, tho' how much i love home, but it was no good for me. Furthermore, i like to create my own reality, my future and my life. I refused to be under people's shoes and i like to uncover the unknowns of the world outside. I get to adapt to a new life, meet new people and i get to change whatever i don't like about myself. People don't know you and you can make the whole new you. It's like a time for a make over session. And for me it is so much fun and challenging, which are what im looking for in this life.

My sister Lidwina and the nuns (who are also my aunty) Sister Judith and Sister Laurencia, said that i am stubborn but religious in a way. I was like, WHAT??? okay, stubborn i may accept that because it's true but religious?? well, i do pray, i acknowledge God's presence and i do count my blessings and thank Him for that. But i am never religious, Tharmaindra second me on that. But if you say it is religious, in that way, well, okay, that is your point of view. It doesnt hurt so im okay with that. HAHA. I can feel my nose is also laughing with me. BIG TIME.

I am always a dream chaser. I'd like to make the impossibles become attainable, i would like to go far. But how far would i go, that depends. Whatever it is, love is my strongest platform. Without it, there would be no podium to support faith and hopes. hey, that's only my pov.

I always love home and my family no matter how hard it is to stay in good relationship with them. Home is always home, family is always family. There is always gaining and losing at the end of the days, that is my family, no matter what. I left home because i had to and i wanted to, for the sake of my being and it is for the better. I have my dreams and i can't depend on them anymore. i can't wait for them to feed me or sing me lullaby at night so i'll get to sleep peacefully.

My dreams are already before me, whether i am ready for it or not. I couldnt just let it slip away because that was like a lifetime opportunity and a stepping stone to a new life. I always want a new life, and this is it. I don't like to be ordinary and i always enjoy making people go like, "What??! fellie does this, fellie does that?" People can roll their eyes, they can gossip about me, they can even complain but one thing they cant do is , TOUCH me!!! I am striving for a better future not a predictable future. I refuse myself to remain as "a girl nextdoor". I want to be wild, in a good way. That is me. I will bring my dreams to life. I will make my family proud of me, someday, somewhere. I dont mind being the blacksheep in the family. When i get what i want, then i will bring the victory home and tell them. "Mom, dad, sis, bros, I am home."