the lag phase of my life

It has been awhile…

All the things I wanna say here is already painted out in my dreams, like it’s a neverending stories which only I will know. The things kept playing in my head every night defeating my yearning to have good sleeps till one day it left me no choice but to get a prescription from the pharmacist on sleeping pills. Friends who knew about it kept on advicing me to control my drug consumption after Heath Ledger made a headline in the news. I am still in control and so far, I am not addicted to anything yet and for me they are no drugs, just some prescription pills for emergency aid.

Here I am unable to grasp my sleppiness, the new look of my blog is enough to explain the free time I have now.

Ever since T left for Bintulu, no one ever understand how lonely I was. Everything seems to be running to a normal system not worrying about the lagging in the productivity of my life, which I don’t really bother actually. As always family issues occupy my space to be happy and jovial, and I always hope T is always here to support me with his endless pep talks. I know I need him. But it’s time for him to make his journey exploring his own adventures as an engineer. I am always proud of my man.

I don’t really care what rumours in my ears, I don’t really care what’s happening around me because it goes the same with me, I like not to be bothered. I just don’t need another person to tell me what to do, or what to think or what to say. As much as I need to feel occupied after T left, I like my space. Seriously, I love my freedom to say anything I want, to do anything I want, and to go anywhere I want. All I need is myself again, to revive the inner strength I used to have and use it as a protection for the struggle I have to put to go against the flow.

Some people talks about future, talks about the good life, seriously, I am happy for everybody’s happiness, however, that makes me more anxious about the path I have to choose. The problem is, I don’t have any options to start with. All I have is a question mark in my head and that is enough to send shivers down my spine, what should I do with my future? As a person who will never give up on fate and misfortunes, I start strategising my defense, not letting anything to exterminate my intensity. I know I can be stronger and here I am, screaming out loud with passion like that in ‘300’.

It’s time for me to open my eyes and look beyond the life I have. I have passed the early stage of being 20s, like what my friends had popped out, we are now having our quarter-life crisis and believe it or not, we are all part of it. –end-