A clarification for "Jan 8th 2006"

What happened on Jan 8th 2006? This was the date I was supposed to meet my old friends but it turned out that I cant make it, not because I have changed and refused to catch up with old friends, but I was with my family.

I went back to KK on the 30th December 2005 to make it up with my sister and to celebrate New Year with her. There had been a long silence between us after I left for KL on Oct. I refused to be in contact with her for such a long time after the conflicts between us. She didn’t even send me to the airport and that was the same day I cried myself out in my dad’s arm.

The moment I was in KK, all I can think of is the two adorable kids and home. I spent the whole week in KK with my family. I was glad that I know I didn’t lose them after all. I didn’t have the time to go out and hang out with my friends, not because I don’t feel like to, for me at that time, family comes first, and I don’t want to hurt them by going out meeting friends when they need me at home the whole time. My flight back to KL was on Jan 8th. Since Jimmy was registering for his first semester in KDU on Jan 7th, I had to change my flight to Jan 5th or 6th (I cant exactly remember). We were busy on that Saturday helping Jimmy to register class and hostel before getting him some provisions. We finished everything around evening and went back straight to Cititel to rest before another round of shopping.

The next day, which was Sunday. I helped my sister with her shopping spree. That was also the day which my UMS friends were having a mini reunion. However, as much as I wanted to go and meet them I cant just leave my sister with all the shopping list, she needed me. I was thinking of meeting them after my family leave KL but in the end, we sent them off to airport and spent time with them there before our goodbyes. For those friends that I have missed, I am utterly sorry for missing the day and believe me, it was not intentional as u believed it was.

It’s true that I will never expect anyone to like me or to understand me, that depend on every individuals on this planet. If I deserve your friendship, deep down inside of me i am really thankful for that but I am a human being, I do make mistakes but please don’t judge me by the mistakes I have done before you know what is really happening in my life. Having a big family is never too easy and creating a new life from scratch takes a lot then one breath, it takes more than you think.

I have sacrificed my comfort zone to pursue my dreams. What i wanted in life is far beyond what other people can expect. I grew up in a tough family but i'm glad because it made me what i am today -> well-determined, strong-minded, gutsy, independant and a survivor... no matter what life throws at me, i know i can always survive and that's one thing i can be proud of myself.

When someone is comfortable enough to be proud of herself, that means he/she is already happy (tell me if im wrong). and Yes i am really sure that now, i am at the correct path..

For your record, there are no grudges nor hatred in my keeping. What really happened was all for the reformation of my life for the betterment of my future. period.

Thanks for reading.

Coincidence can be a blessing

Today was a big coincidence for me. At first I woke up about 7.30 a.m., which was already late and I told Emily that I might just take the bus later, but when I’m planning to hit the bed again, the sleep has gone away. Instead of forcing myself to go back to my dream, I prepared myself and I have no idea why I chose to wear a formal top to go with my black pants. My reason was, I want to attend Yan’s convocation and I want to look formal and decent, not knowing that something might happen today and this is a blessing in disguise.

I reached UKM about 8 a.m and was preparing my paperwork when suddenly my senior called from his home and asked me to save the day. Apparently, our supervisor has gone to Equatorial Hotel for the conference without my senior’s poster. I was like “How am I going to put up the poster when I have no transport to go to the venue?” I was about to withdraw some money since I don’t have enough cash in my purse, and take a taxi to the hotel. Emily saved me from the hassle at last. *THANKS EMILY*

So there I was in the conference hall. The room was already filled with people with formal wear and I feel so lucky for not wearing my torn jeans and lousy tee. I managed to put up the poster at last on the 77th and was ready to leave when I spotted a friend’s poster on the 29th board. Awwwwwwwwww….. I wish I have mine on one of the board too… For a moment there, I feel a tingle of sadness. I worked so hard for this conference and I didn’t make it at the end. *sigh*

I buzz Jaff (who was one of the poster’s candidates) with an SMS to inform him that I am there so he can come and see me before I leave. He escaped from the whole serious-and-quite-atmosphere (because an oral presentation was taking place at that time), to come and say hi to me. He was full with smiles, yeah, I can see that, and I am proud of him. We were talking about his poster for a while and I left.

The best part was when my supervisor SMS me to say thank you for agreeing to go through the hassle and save the day, and requested that I’ll be there to put up the poster before the Tea Break. I proudly replied to her “Prof, it’s already on the board.”

Yeah, I saved the day.

She asked me to stay but I have other serious matter waiting for me in UKM.

P/S Congratulations on winning the poster, Jaff. You know someday I might just have to kill you so I don't have to compete with you on winning the trophy next time *kidding*

New hope

Bits by bits i am trying to catch up with my labwork. however there's nothing to worry about now since i am still 0n track. I shall finish on time according to the key milestone. I had a brief discussion with my supervisor again today. It was a nice warm up for the experiment i'm about to execute. Only i have to do my labwork during the weekend, which means i need to rent a car for the weekend.

My sister kept on calling and asking when am i going back and insisting that i should come back early. My mom called me last week saying that she misses me so much and wanted to see me but refuse to come and stay at my sister's place after what happened. it's pretty much complicated. Im rushing off to the end of my experiment. Ive been so tired lately, hopefully at the end of the day, it pays off.

wish me luck, guys.

"Not my time yet"

The meeting with my supervisor today started out dreadfully, I can feel the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room. When my supervisor was about to drop her bomb to my face, my lab mates came to my rescue and for awhile I can breathe in some fresh air and think properly what to say to her to reason myself this time. The meeting was to arrange the weekly presentation and at first I was in the first group which means I have to present next Tuesday. But then again, the girls who are doing pesticide work were to go first on Tuesday, and me and my senior will have to present on the following week. I was like “I think that’s the week I am going back to Sabah.” Oh, damn. Another explanation has to be given to my supervisor.

After the discussion was done, everyone except me went off to their respective labs.

Supervisor: Fellie, I have something to discuss with you.

Hmmm, I can see it coming. So this is the meeting is all about. She was not satisfied with my working attitude. I think now is the time to explain to her all the problems i am facing.

Supervisor: What happened to you? I haven’t seen you for ages. (Urr, Prof, I met you last 2weeks and last week you were not around. But like always, I can’t say that out.)

“I have seen potential in you. You are among the bright student I’ve had. But why didn’t you see me? I am very mad at you, you know I put so much hopes in you.”

When she asked for my explanation, I went from A to Z which brought her to a moment of silent before saying “okay, I understand your problems, there are few things I could help and some I can’t. But it would be better if you could come to me and tell me the technical and transportation problem you’re having. So next time I know how to help you and your time is not wasted.”

(Yes, I understand you can’t help me when it comes to transportation, but even when I told you about the technical problems, you weren’t much of a help to me, in fact I was delayed which forced me to handle it myself.)

URGGGHHH, looking at this, I realize I have been in denial of my pride. I know I should tune down my ego and accept the fact that being a researcher is never too easy.

Nevertheless, the chat ended up pleasantly to both parties. Like always, I can be very skillful when it comes to defending myself and she agreed when i told her i need a week or two off to visit my parents. I can't deny that my supervisor actually has a big heart when you know how to tackle things with her.

I just have to fix my problems. Once everything is okay, then I will have no problem impressing her again. I am just waiting for time to show her what I am actually capable of doing. *devilish smile*

Okay, enough with the coin story, here are new updates abt me!!

I can see that my blog has been dormant for few weeks and everyone has been asking me “Lie, why are you still on the coins story? Get busy there!”…. Okay okay, I get that… I was just too occupied with few things and hardly find time to actually sit down and write.

Hmm, let see … what’s happening lately? Okay there’s the experiment that I need to get done with. Actually I have done one important part of my project but the bad news is, my supervisor was not thrilled with the method I used and actually criticized on it harshly which promptly sent me to the depression phase of my life. I was really really upset with her response on my work. Nothing close to an enthusiastic remark on my effort but nonchalantly said to me “Looks like u have no choice but to have one sleepless night and on restless day in the lab!” I was like “Whoa, hold on to your horse right there, Madame!! Did you know that I worked my ass out for 3 weeks straight and I haven’t got a decent rest yet?! And now you’re telling me how surprise you were that I wasn’t thinking of executing the experiment using the method people had done before?” Only I didn’t spill it out to reason myself. I just sat there hearing all her ignorant remarks on my work, and yea guess what, I can’t make it to the conference then. For a moment there, I was like “I hope Dr.Brid is here to give me some useful advice and her brilliant opinions.”

For a week I was going through a moment of depression and I almost give up on whatever I am doing in UKM. I talked to few people but not about this problem I am having, but about their work and stuff. Some of them are finishing off this semester and will be graduating as a master student next year. The moment I heard that I was like “Damn, I should have taken course work instead of research.” But later Jaff told me, master by course work will be announced obsolete and some won’t be recognized then and I am still at the correct track.

I am just glad that with all the depression I had, I can knock some sense into my head. I should think straight and focus more on my performance and my project. Not forgetting the key milestone to keep me on track.

That’s all for now… I will feed you more soon enough I get my head focus on this thang. I have been so addicted to GG lately. Ciao!! hehe :)

Jaff and Azfar, Safe journey back to your hometown

Fadhil, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

Sarah, Get me out of here!!! I need some fresh air and some good Girlie talk!!!

Fellie, Get your ass to the bus stand now or else you’ll miss the bus again… (OKAY, leaving now!!)