"Not my time yet"

The meeting with my supervisor today started out dreadfully, I can feel the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room. When my supervisor was about to drop her bomb to my face, my lab mates came to my rescue and for awhile I can breathe in some fresh air and think properly what to say to her to reason myself this time. The meeting was to arrange the weekly presentation and at first I was in the first group which means I have to present next Tuesday. But then again, the girls who are doing pesticide work were to go first on Tuesday, and me and my senior will have to present on the following week. I was like “I think that’s the week I am going back to Sabah.” Oh, damn. Another explanation has to be given to my supervisor.

After the discussion was done, everyone except me went off to their respective labs.

Supervisor: Fellie, I have something to discuss with you.

Hmmm, I can see it coming. So this is the meeting is all about. She was not satisfied with my working attitude. I think now is the time to explain to her all the problems i am facing.

Supervisor: What happened to you? I haven’t seen you for ages. (Urr, Prof, I met you last 2weeks and last week you were not around. But like always, I can’t say that out.)

“I have seen potential in you. You are among the bright student I’ve had. But why didn’t you see me? I am very mad at you, you know I put so much hopes in you.”

When she asked for my explanation, I went from A to Z which brought her to a moment of silent before saying “okay, I understand your problems, there are few things I could help and some I can’t. But it would be better if you could come to me and tell me the technical and transportation problem you’re having. So next time I know how to help you and your time is not wasted.”

(Yes, I understand you can’t help me when it comes to transportation, but even when I told you about the technical problems, you weren’t much of a help to me, in fact I was delayed which forced me to handle it myself.)

URGGGHHH, looking at this, I realize I have been in denial of my pride. I know I should tune down my ego and accept the fact that being a researcher is never too easy.

Nevertheless, the chat ended up pleasantly to both parties. Like always, I can be very skillful when it comes to defending myself and she agreed when i told her i need a week or two off to visit my parents. I can't deny that my supervisor actually has a big heart when you know how to tackle things with her.

I just have to fix my problems. Once everything is okay, then I will have no problem impressing her again. I am just waiting for time to show her what I am actually capable of doing. *devilish smile*