snippets of Dad

When something bad happen to your loved ones, you try hard not to cry, do you call yourself strong?

When you know you are going to lose something valuable in your life, but you keep yourself in denial because you think it’s the best for you, do you also think you are being strong?

when people asked about your father, and you answered them, “my dad is not doing so fine but that’s life.” without any expression on your face, do you consider yourself strong?

If I say yes to all of the mentioned above, then, I am good at lying. Tell you the truth, it wasn’t easy but because I was very fortunate to be able to occupy my time with tuition classes, labs, friends etc, it didn’t really disturb me that much.

I just have to keep my finger crossed, that there’ll still be time for me to do my part after i am done what i am here for. And before then, I will have no choice but to be strong, not only in denial.

Those of you, who are still get to meet your father, talk to your father, smile with your father, laugh with your father, joke around with your father, especially those who still feeds on dad's money - then its time for you to open your eyes.

Love your dad,

no matter how poor they are,

how shallow they are,

how healthy they are,

how destructive they are,

or how pathetic they are..

Time is not for you to count, but to appreciate every moment that you have with your loved ones. So that whatever happen in the future, you know that you have given them a full life.

Here are some snippets of my dear father that I would like to share with everyone..

Something he wrote...

It started with..

"There was this slide presentation you should see, I would like to share it with you.”

So last night, Mr.T sent me an email attached with the slide presentation. But what impressed me the most was his e-mail which came along with the attachment. I have to say, it took me by surprise because he has never written anything to me, especially in that length.

This is what he wrote to me:

I can't stop reading it since i never received such beautiful email from him before this. I can even count by one hand how many real email he has sent to me since 2005. That's because, Mr.T is a serious person, he seldom say things if he doesnt mean them.

Mr.T met half of my family members (including my parents) few weeks ago. With God's blessing, they like him. As a matter of fact, my brother invited him to his wedding next month. It's gonna be the most exciting family events for me.

There'll be more interesting stories coming your way. Have patient.

I was tagged by Joyce

Oh well… I guess I have to continue the game since I was tagged by Joyce (Joycey, u owe me! :P)

So here goes peeps..

1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags at least 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time:
1449

Name:
Fellie (nicky: Lie/Lye/Lai)

Sisters:
4

Brothers:
9

Shoe Size:
4

Height:
150cm

Where do you live:
currently at the kennel

Favourite drinks:
Starbucks Java Chip

Favourite breakfast:
Pancakes with honey

Have you ever been on a plane?:
Yes, I hate the waitings

Swam in the ocean:
yes, I’m from sabah remember?

Fallen a sleep at school:
tons of times

Broken someone's heart:
Yes.. don’t think it’s a good thing to talk abt

Fell off your chair:
*cant remember*

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call:
Used to when I was in love for the first time

What is your room like:
very very stuffy.. I have a lot of stuff!!

What's right beside you:
my Ikea chest drawer

What is the last thing you ate:
Banana rice at Paandi’s!!!!

Ever had....
Chicken pox:
Yes, on a Christmas day!! (I was 15)
Sore throat:
who doesn’t?
Stitches:
yes, a bad one on my chin
Broken nose:
Lucky no..

Do you
Believe in love at first sight:
depends..
Like picnics:
if we’re talking about beach picnic, oh yess!! Im a beach lover..

Who was, were
The last person you danced with:
me, myself and I
Last made you smile:
my kennel mates
You last yelled at:
A lady driver who was on the phone while trying to cut into my lane

Today did you
Talk to someone you like:
Yes
Kissed anyone:
No
Get sick:
no.
Talk to an ex:
no, cos I cant find a reason why I have to.
Miss someone:
yes, my mr.T
Eat:
I think I mentioned Paandi’s

Best feeling in the world
Do you sleep with stuffed animals:
Yes, Denise my doggie toy.
What's under your bed:
BOXES!!
Who (change it to what) do you really hate:
traffic jam, having no time for coffee, and waking up early in the morning!!
What time is it now?:1459

Random
Is there a person who is in your mind now :
Yes
Do you like your hand-writing :
I guess since i dont have problem with it.
Are your toe nails painted :
no
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in :
T's bed, cos his smell is there??
What color shirt are you wearing now :
Im in my nightie
Are you a friendly person :
Depends
Do you have any pets :
Yes, Kimmy the cat, and Snowy, the new ugly cat. Used to have my Golden Retriever, Rusty, but he died in July. Binki, the rotweiller died in July too.
Now Max (half mongrel, half German shepard) is getting all the attention..
Do you sleep with the TV on :
not really.
What are you doing right now :
typing? its obvious.
Can you handle the truth :
it really depends, cos sometimes truth really hurts.
Are you closer to your mother or father :
equally closed.
Do you eat healthy :
Yes, it has to be healthy, but when it comes to chilli's, i really cant say no to their grills.
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex :
yes, we're still good friends. no hard feelings.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to :
Mr.T of cos, he's the only person that is able to neutralize me
Are you loud or quiet most of the time :
35% Loud, 65% quiet
Are you confident :
No. I have problem with that.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. Finished my degree
2. Doing my master until now
3. Seeing the same person for the past 3 years
4. Procrastinating throughout the year
5. Shifting house (almost every year)

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. tick my student’s paper
2. Prepare for science paper3. Find her English answer sheet
(cant remember where the hell I put it!)
4. Go for my tuition class till 10pm
5. Make few calls before sleeping

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. -
2. -
3. -
4. -
5. Cant decide because it depends what’s in front of me. I don’t buy, I only eat.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Send my father to Mexico for his cancer treatment
2. Buy a nice house with a swimming pool at the back yard
3. Help my family
4. Have a nice garden wedding
5. Travel around Europe

5 of my bad habits:
1. Temperimental
2. Impatience
3. too much of inferiority complex
4. deciding something I would regret after
5. have problem in saying NO to people

5 places I have lived/ stayed a night in:
1. Penang
2. Kuching
3. Bintulu
4. Johor
5. Melaka

5 things I will do after completing what I'm busy with:
1. Rest
2. Go back KK, take care of my dad
3. Help my sister with her business (im starting to have interest in doing business)
4. Have a weekend off at Bali
5. look for jobs

Tagged:
Lydia
Joyce (duno who else)
Emm
Maria
Myself

Why i am not an active blogger..

It’s a tiring week for me. For the last 2 days, I have to attend a GC-MS training in UiTM from 9am-5pm. Then, after training I have to rush back to Kajang for my tuition classes until around 10ish.

Reached back home 30 minutes later, I didn’t even have the energy to cook. I have to force myself to eat Maggie for two nights in a row though of course I prefer a solid meal (I really miss Philo, my ex-roomie, for this). Usually, no matter how tired I am after tuition, I will still cook even if it has to be the simplest dish. There must be healthy food to make me stay in a jolly mood.

But for the last 2 days, I couldn’t take it. My back hurts real bad and I was mentally tired. Looking at my kennel mates, I wish I have their free time even though they are still busy with their exams, assignments etc. But they can even go mamak-ing, swimming or watch movies *jealous*. For me, watching movie is almost a crime because I have so much to do everyday. I have to do my reading, thesis writing and I have to tick papers for my PMR student.

Today, I am a bit free. I was thinking of joining the girls for a swim, but I was not lucky as I just got my monthly visitor this afternoon! So I stayed in the lab for quite awhile and head home to blog about my frustration.

Maybe I should say, “quit your job, quit whinning”

But I need the money. Now that I spent more than I could afford for the house, and my car, fuel, food etc; I have to have money coming in every month.

Of course my family can support me, but how much can I ask from them? RM1000 per month? That’s a killer. But that’s the very least amount I need for every month (house rent, bills, car, fuel, food etc). I did try to save. I cut my entertainment, cut my temptation list, in short, I don’t have a life!

I am tired. So tired. But I still keep a happy face wherever I go. At least, I’ll be fine as long as nobody come and mess around with me. Don’t tell me “waa you got so much of time.” Because I seriously have no time, but it’s my job to get things done. I am crying out loud wishing that I can have more time for myself to have a peaceful rest.

An alien in dilemma

There are times I feel like an alien in my lab. It’s like I don’t understand the language they used, and I can’t even recognize their faces every time I see them. I am not sure how long I am gonna put up with this pretentious face and I don’t know how strong I have to be to stay around these toxic which could break down my immune system at any freakin’ time.

Few days ago, I was humiliated by words from the most unexpected person that I myself couldn’t comprehend to the fact that he actually threw those harsh and insulting words at me. I mean, he is 3 years my junior (and I never called him my junior out of respect for mankind). Nobody was that friendly to him when he first joined our research group, until I broke the ice, thinking that I could get a sincere ‘friendship’ out of it. Little that I know, birds of a feather flock together.

Even when that happened, I told myself, maybe it’s just a language barrier that he didn’t understand what I was trying to tell him (since he pronounced ‘sure’ as ‘suuer’) and with his misinterpretation of my ‘English’, he replied with those heart-wrenching words back at me. Even then, I tried to explain to him in a very polite way with simpler English words.

I thought that will be just it. On the same day (the second part of the day), he bombarded me again with a very sharp reply when I asked him about something. His judgment about me came really strong, and the words felt like they are pinning on my chest so hurtfully that it provokes my breathing problem. Yet, I let it go and walked away.

The next day, another drama happened. Fortunately, I wasn’t the victim. One of my lab mate, a foreign guy received my junior’s pungent anger with a loud bang on a bench after a question. There goes another show-off, but I think it was wrong for him to say - “You are under me and you do as I say!”- when he is like 5-10 years younger than this foreign guy and he hasn’t even started his own lab work. I mean I got enough people showing off their superiority in the lab. With this ‘nose-to-the-sky’ ungrateful new junior coming to our lab, doesn’t make the lab a merry-go-round adventure to everyone. Now, it’s more like a graveyard to me where monsters are living with each other.

See, I’m in a shit hole!!!! Now you know why I feel so unmotivated to go to lab. It’s more like a drag to me. I feel very much retarded and I hate my master years so much. I wish to end it immediately because I am not interested anymore. It doesn’t matter what they would think of me or my performance. I don’t really give a damn about what would I get out of my master experience, I had enough of this disease and I would really like to pull the string and end my life, right now.