The Greatest FEAR before my eyes

Life is too hard to grasp, I might need another hand to help me to keep hold of everything. Now my cake is melting and slowly it’s losing its taste. I was a fighter once, and strength has been the one that keeps me up and up to every stage in life.

I remember right after my internship, I had to work for months to earn money and save them, so that I could come to KL and pursue my dream. I have been so confident of my decision and I was happy that God blessed me with all the strength I need. Being alone wasn’t easy and I have been in denial of my loneliness and despair. I wanted to make things work and I managed to be where I am now.

My work has been in a delay, and i am progressing really slowly. I lost all my confidents and my energy to fight. The world is starting to take what belongs to them and I am a lost sheep. My platform is breaking to pieces and my legs will somehow lose its balance, and they are just waiting for time to collapse.

I have foreseen a lot of possibilities in life, and nightmares make it even worse. My parents is still around and I know their prayer has been the reason of the sturdiness of my platform, but once God take them away from me, then everything falls apart, I will lose everything I have. I can’t let that happen, can I?

I have been thinking of quitting and try my luck on something else. My friend was saying “You want to quit after all the hard work of reaching to this stage? Even after NSF?” I am not giving up, I am just preparing myself for the worse thing to come. What can be scarier than waiting your life to collapse in front of your eyes? No, no more catastrophic events in life. That midnight call has awaken my greatest fear in life, and I shall not ignore them anymore. It’s time to make it stop threatening me.