peace in the heart

Life is back to its normal mode again. Surprisingly, Im feeling homesick since last night but I am glad I have T to neutralize my feelings. Nevertheless, I was so happy to meet my friends here; I am not sure why I was feeling like that since I was a bit reserved before then. The moment I reach my habitat, all the feelings came back to me and I was so excited to see my home neatly organized and looked new.

Ivan and Pete helped me to unpack and it was a bit embarrassing that they had to see my under garments while unpacking my radio and CPU. They stayed awhile till midnite and headed back home after finishing few packs of my Hinava. *LOL* Hmmm, I know I am doing better now…

Today feels a bit weird and I kept on telling Emily that it feels peculiar being here after a long break and hopefully things will be back to normal once I am actively on the move with my work and social life. I am just missing home so much, even though I didn’t get to hang out much with my friends, but being at home spending time with the people I love has been better than Ive imagined myself. I never felt the feeling of belongingness. I am starting to understand myself now. I have been growing up with serious feelings of rejection, and let only few people to dwell in my world. Not only my friends, but I have been rejecting people my own blood because of the violence and injustice I have seen them doing.

Nobody really understands me, because I never let them and I know I should have never blamed my friends for being so insensitive about my problems. A friend approached me and tells me all her problems and it got me thinking, how did I get through my loneliness, depression and anxiety. I accepted. I accepted the circumstances I was in and all the trials I have to undergo. Instead of fighting back, I complied and then I chose to let go and be happy. All you need to get through the stage is peace in the heart, once you have earned that then you will be happy.