"Life Without Value"

Life can be a lot of things to everyone. Life can be a platform for us to dig as many gold as possible, to build our own empire, to create something ‘meaningful’ in life, to gain knowledge in the horizon or to proclaim your possessions and hope someone will notice and bow to you. Nevertheless, there is one crucial thing in life which is hard to maintain and found to be missing in almost everyone; it is the value in life or in a person. I have encountered such drama where values are no longer the measurement of happiness or purpose in life. Life is harsh when people start screaming at your face and saying that you are the dumbest person on the planet.

Imagine how hard it is to swallow those words given out to you while you are trying to keep it calm at the other line.

Somehow you couldn’t control your emotion and all the words start ripping your inner side and you’re uncontrollably bleeding inside. God was there with me, but I know He wants me to face the pain and be calm. Despite being so sick and almost ‘die’ on the bed, I have to deposit in all the sadness and painful feelings, and let tears put me to sleep.

I tried to make life simple, I tried to make all situation less complicated but the surroundings has made me even worse. I tried to kill my awful pride, I tried to keep everything low profile and be as humble as possible. I tried to be a good daughter and sister, but none of that is discernible and I am just a piece of s**t and everything is a total waste of time. Hopefully one day, my family will see the worth of me, and understand the way I am. No matter how far you try to run away from something, when bloods are connected, distance is no longer an issue, and you’re still in the never-ending problem. This is again my superficial life. Sigh