YouthAlpha leadership training camp (26-28 Sept 2008; La Salle PJ)

Pardon me for the very long silence of my blog. I was just too busy relaxing at home that I refuse to do anything serious during the raya hols. So here I am, the last day of my raya hols. Feel so shitty cos I was hoping I have more days to rest n laze around at home but it’s time to go back to the real world.

First before i move on from my good break of raya, let me share with you my experience during the YouthAlpha leadership training camp which I attended a week ago with some of my good friends.

The camp left a big impact in my spiritual being. Like what everybody called themselves, I too, was a lost soul. Apparently, responsibilities had taken lots of my time that I was unable to reflect myself to what is the main purpose of life.

Before we bid our farewells and move on with our life, we had a testimonial session which allows the participants to share their experience with everybody during the course of event. Since I was too nervous to talk in front of the not-so-new-faces-anymore, hence, Im gonna do it here - instead.

First day after registering, I had a problem fitting in. Everybody was very chatty, very excited about the camp and very friendly with each other. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good thing but it kinda frighten me a lil’ bit. In a mission of preventing myself from the humiliation caused by my shyness, I pulled myself away from the crowd and settled at one corner pretending to be tired. Bryan came a moment later and sat near where I was seated. At last somebody to talk to!

Fellie: Bryan, I dunno how to fit in.

Bryan: Poor thing, I’ll sit next to u later k.

But then, that didn’t happen of course. Bryan was in charge of the multimedia so he has his special place to sit. Karen was the emcee. Pearl had to take the stage for the icebreaking session. Christine seemed to have found her group. Jerry and Greg were the guitarists. I had no choice but to pretend to be cool about it and took a seat next to Roshelle. Obviously, he doesn’t know anyone since he was sitting alone. So I thought maybe this could be a starting point for me to eliminate the shyness that overpower me since the beginning.

Fellie: This seat taken?

Roshell: oh no. You can sit here.

Fellie: What’s your name and where ru from?

Roshelle: Im Roshelle and Im from Seremban.

Fellie: You came here alone?

Roshelle: yeah.

Fellie: (Trying to act cool konon) Roshelle, can you help me with these papers. You just fold it this way. I’ll do one plate and you do the other. We need these for the icebreaking games.

Roshelle: oh sure.

Well that turned out well.

It got better after we got to our groups. That was the first time I met Justin, Audrey and Elena’s sister, Andrea. I guess I can skip introducing Bryan since everybody knows him. I like my group – they are funny, crazy, open-minded and we got along very well. I felt a sense of comfort in an instant, what more can I say, Justin was our leader.

Christine was my roommate and she let me choose my bed. The first night, we both slept on my bed since the aircond was too cold. We were too smart not to increase the temperature.

Fortunately for me, things were normal after the first day as I was able to tone down my shyness and open my mouth to talk. We had barbeque the second night and everyone seems to be sitting everywhere. either alone or in their own groups, not really mixing with everyone else. So Pearl, Bryan and I decide dto bring the song “Apa guna” to get everybody sit together and sing with us. It was fun since almost everybody took part in throwing the "bombs" to each other with the song. Pearl and I continued playing the music until my fingers got tired. Erick was kind enough to take over my part though he was actually not feeling well at that time.

Regardless, the ultimate highlight was the second night (before the barbeque session) during the the ministry session where we were taught to minister prayers. I was very nervous of course since I never lead prayers or perform a pray over to anyone. Damian prepared us by guiding us to pray for the holy spirit. With all my heart and soul, I prayed so earnestly so holy spirit will take over in my prayers. Alas, when I was hooked in my prayers I dozed off. Instantly, guilt took over my concentration and I felt very much disturbed after that. I couldn’t utter any words of prayers when I performed a pray over for Caroline and that disappoint me a lot though I could hear Caroline was trembling in tears. I couldn’t understand the whole thing and I kept my disappointments all through the session and told Pearl about it after the session ended. She assured me that it was alright, and it could be a good thing. I was thinking about it the whole night and kept my frustration to my sleep. I didn’t really have the mood to join my friends after the barbeque dinner and wanted to be alone trying to understand the whole thing. Basically I was very very disappointed. Sorry Pearl, i wasnt with you the last night of the camp, apart from oversleeping on the phone, i wanted to be alone actually.

I kinda got my answer the next day when Damian gave his talk about prayers. Caroline answered my question. when i openly asked during the session. She claimed that dozing off happened sometimes when we pray but it’s not a bad thing after all, in fact the person who dozed off was actually experiencing a complete surrender to God. However, on the way back home I got a contradicting answer from Greg whereby he thought it was otherwise. He told me my body was just tired, that I dozed off in my prayers. Of course that wasn’t helping at all so I’m back to square one.

I still dont get it and the answers that i got from people seemed to confuse me more so I stopped asking. I know one day, I will get my answer.

Looking forward to attend camps like this one. It was so much fun experiencing God's love and getting to know yourself spiritually.

Thanks Pearl for making me go. It was the right move.