Defeated

There was a time.

When I was a school kid. I was staying with my third-older pregnant sister. I was supposed to go to a prom night with my friends. Everything was set, I got a very nice black silky halter dress from my second-older sister who has all the beautiful clothes. I got my new heels from her too (which I have saved for a good occasion). The only thing I need to do is to take the bus and go to a saloon in Karamunsing which at that time was owned by my friend’s sister (That friend happened to be a distant cousin and her sister is my pregnant sister’s BFF back in their school days). My friend managed to talked her sister into giving me a free make-over, later I found out this friend and another friend (my class monitor) were trying to set me up with this guy from All Saints.

Their reasons were,
(1) this guy was interested in meeting me. In person. since we only knew each other through mIRC.
(2) He was one of the famous guy in Likas schools (as if popularity is the most important thing to me). Believe it or not, I was the shy-est girl on earth due to my inferiority complex.
(3) They were just fooling around with me since he’s the tallest guy at school and I am like the shortest girl in class
(4) He actually believed that I have a mixed-blood after looking at my picture and listening to my friend boasting about me.
(5) I was easily bullied.

Of course I didn’t know all the conspiracy they were trying to pull against me. I know they mean no harms. They were just bored with my shy-ness and wanted to help me with my confidence.

Like I said before, everything was set. My friend called me to inform that she’s on her way to her sister’s saloon and asked whether she should drop by to fetch me since my place was just on the way but I told her I’m taking the bus since I need to buy some time persuading my sister for a permission.

Well, of course it didn’t turn out as we hoped for. My sister dropped a bomb.

She said, “If you think prom is that important, then you go. I am not stopping you.” Of course the tone was unpleasant. It was more like a warning, a reverse-psychology threat. She is giving me a suicidal bomb. Like a good kid, I turned around and walked back to my room. I was never allowed to sulk up or I’ll get it worse. So I changed into shorts and TShirt, joined my sister in the living room as if nothing had happened, and just sit there like a good sister.

As a young teenage girl, I felt totally defeated and it was awful. It was supposed to be my first prom night, and there was never the first ever actually. I have seen it on TV and I thought it would be interesting to experience it myself.

Even though my sister didn’t exactly say no, but the improper release is enough to make me understand that consequences would follow if I go against it. I was never known to fight back even though I know I can. I was just afraid of the consequences so I agreed to be treated that way.

And now, the same feelings came back.

A feeling of defeat which need days to process. This time it was not for a teeny-weeny issues, it was an adult case and it was my superior who defeated my rights. I will never forget what happened to me on Thursday.

----THE REST OF THE ENTRY THAT FOLLOWS HAS BEEN DELETED DUE TO THE AUTHOR'S PERSONAL REASONS-------