the news

As I have mentioned in my previous entry, I just got a job. Some friends thought I am getting married. Pardon me for being ludicrously elusive about the good news!! Marriage for me goes later since I am more excited about growing my career now. I know words spread around, penetrating through boundaries, in fact, T’s mom actually pushed the subject on us. Her reason was to get us married before I lose my youthfulness. I guess what she meant was, I look old standing beside T. Well, ‘that’ good news will come when the time comes alright?

I just got a job from a life science company (I can’t reveal the name here because I wouldn’t want to be found on google based on the keywords), where I will be working closely with hospitals and private medical centers. Fyi, I am not selling equipments or products, it’s more to service and consultation. Ask me when you see me in person.

I was really excited about the employment because this will be the first time I actually go out there and do something different in my life. My mom of course wasn’t so thrilled with the news, saying she’s being abandoned. She really wanted me to be there and I feel bad I can’t hold my life for her.

The good thing is, after the first acceptance, few offers actually came to me. An environmental company from Bangsar called up this morning and wanted to hire me. The offer was really tempting but the problem was they wanted me to join them as soon as next Monday. That will be less than a week for me to wrap up my thesis. So it was very unfortunate for me.

I called my tuition center boss, I think she’s scratching her head now looking for someone to take over my spot as it will be difficult for me to juggle my time between full-time and part time job. I wanted to help my students but it won’t be fair for them as I can’t provide them full attention.

It’s really sad that my good news has disappointed some people as I don’t like to disappoint anybody with my incapabilities.

Let’s see where it’ll take me from here..

Till then, sayonara for now…

Idol wows me

Idol Kris Allen and Anoop Desai wowed me with their performance last week (March 18th) with songs like To make you feel my love and Always on my mind. Great vocals, great performance.

enjoy..

A short snippet of Kris Allen singing "to make you feel my love"



Anoop Desai singing "always on my mind"
wondering if he is related to Anita Desai (quoted from Lydia)

my future 'dissapearance'

Its a good and bad news!!

The good news is, I don't have to worry anymore..

The bad news is, I have less than a month to get my thesis done, at least a first draft!

So, allow me to set my priority right. Therefore, I am announcing my temporary 'dissapearance' here.

1. No more lepak-ings with friends or any sort of entertainment that requires a whole day/night of my time.
2. No more playing Pet Society on facebook.
3. No more accommodating other people's needs.
4. No more participating in any sort of 'activities' on facebook.
5. Less msn, ym or FB chats.

I need to focus, and get it done with ONCE AND FOR ALL.

I apologize in advance if
1. There'll be unanswered sms
2. Super late sms replies/call-backs.
3. A 'no' answer to any drinking/mamaking session.
4. A 'no' answer to any activities that requires time.
5. A 'no' answer to any help you need from me which requires my time as well.

I have to be firm with myself since i notice i have been prioritizing other people's request before mine. So I am gonna stop all these for now, and let me get everything settled then I'll be able to get back to you like old times. My life is at stake, so I really need you to understand my 'dissaperance' from any kind of socialization. Just give me at least a month.

Officially now, I am shutting myself off from social zone.

p/s I will try to update my blog if there is any dire needs or time that i could spare. :)

Thanks...

Any question and you cant get me directly, pls forward it to my secretary in the kennel (hehe!).
Please find Huffie's person to answer you. :)

xoxo

Ignorance is bliss

Sometimes we think people care for us, but the worst part is sometimes people show their concern because they want you to care for them. Nonsense!

It wasn’t easy for me to accept a guy in my life because that involves giving him my trust, the same goes for friends. This is why I like to keep away from people because they tend to take things so seriously about me not being able to keep tabs of their lives, or not being able to call and say I miss them or I love them so much. I don’t even speak that way with my mom, though I love mom more than anything else.

People think I don’t suffer a lot after losing a father. People think I was strong. The thing is, I don’t like making others feel guilty or sad just because I wasn’t happy. When everybody around me is happy, regardless of how I feel before then, I feel very much happy just by looking at their smiley faces. They bring the good emotions in them to soothe my sufferings inside. And that’s how I survived from heart ache.

If people can’t deal with things the way I handle things in life, then it’s just their loss. You gonna grow wrinkles on your face *for crying out loud*

Even when my little sister texted me saying she misses me, I told her “Stop being so weak and go do something else.” But when she’s in trouble, did I leave her alone? When she was almost raped, do you think I didn’t care at all? I panicked and almost cried myself! If I can find that pervert, I swear to you I will cut him to pieces and I’ll make him regret to have been born into this life. Do I deserve a life sentence just because I cant show how much I care for all the people I love? Was I really that bad for not surfacing my concern?

I am sorry, but I can’t.

For an instance, On New Year Eve. My brothers and sister went out celebrating it with a group of cousins, and why did I choose to isolate myself from all the huha-huha?? Because I was sad, I can’t pretend to be okay with it when tears are just ready to burst. I can’t expect my brothers or sister to be as sad as I am. It was the first year of passing the new year without wishing my dad and hug him physically’. Only this time I had to wish him on his grave.

Mom cried so loud after a new year prayer. What did I do at that time? I sat beside my mum, just put my hands on her shoulder and told her to be strong. I texted my younger sister, told her mom was crying. Then I sat at one corner, took my brother’s electric guitar, switched it to a mild sound, and played a slow song to ease mom’s sadness. In 10 minutes, brothers n sister came running to my mum. Hugged her. Kissed her, and they walked straight to dad’s grave. I followed them. They were crying like a baby calling my dad’s name, even my brothers. I brought the red oil, and light the candles. My eyes was filled with tears, I just shoved it off, and went back home to my book.

How can you tell I don’t care? Because I don’t cry and scream for my dad’s name?
How is it fair for me when people are talking about my lack of concern?

I think I shall follow a good advice from Brisbane.

Ignorance is bliss.

A One-Day King

Direct translation from a BM word: Raja sehari

To: Fadhil

Congrats Fadhil,
It's the first page of your new chapter..
Hope you like my message on your wedding card
and hope our BIG package of gift helps to boost your hormone in your wife's arm at night
(WARNING: we're not bunch of perverts, we're just trying to help our good friend here so he doesn't have to cover his face to buy a 'night booster', well we would have given him a better gift but we thought we should be mild/easy on the teasing)

So, a toast to fadhil...
You're the first one to be 'dismembered' from our Bachelor club,
Long Live the King Fadhil who was a one-day King last weekend!!
Well fadhil, I even covered my head with Fifah's Selendang to honour your day in masjid, I hope that counts a lot to prove how happy I am for you and how glad I am to have witnessed you "walk down the aisle' except there's no aisle in the masjid...
but oh well, that's just a figure of speech, if you must understand..


Of all the pictures of your wedding I've seen so far,
this is my favourite

A picture courtesy of Azfar

Have a nice night(s) ahead, you deserve it!!! :P

the yellow form

Today I have taken the yellow form from the secretariat office of Graduate center in dean's office. Hopefully by next week I get to submit this yellow form together with my abstract as to notify my thesis submission in 3 months.

Anyways, nothing much happened except for this yellow form and my 2 interviews next week.

Life is not that emotional, which is good. There is no complication in my life right now except for my worries to be unemployed. And yes, thesis writing is harder than I thought. Apart from that, life has been smooth sailing.

So guys, I don't have interesting stories to feed you but I do have some videos I would like to share which I guess will send you hours of hysteric laugh. Like what that 'Female Drivers' did to me. :)

It's Jeff Dunham with his hilarious buddy, Achmed, the dead terrorist. I hope you enjoy this video cos I really like him, I mean Achmed.

If you like Russel Peters, then you probably like this one too.

*Before you start loading, please take note that this video is not intended to offend anyone.

to date

To date, I have applied almost 30 positions in 30 different companies, and so far I was only called for few interviews with only a few interested employers since I screwed up in some of the interview sessions. For days, my focus on thesis writing was disturbed due to my worries of unemployment. I am coming to 27 years old, and ages always come with greater responsibilities.

I need to be employed. Right away.

I called mom few days ago on her cell phone and she cried immediately after hearing my voice. She kept on saying about missing me and all the emotional stuff that I don’t know how to relate to. It’s true, I kept a great size of ego when it comes to my family. I seldom show my emotions and usually my TLC (tender, loving, care) is always shown through my humanity in accommodating their needs. Seldom have I mentioned ‘I love you’ or ‘I miss you’. Very very seldom.

But hearing mom’s voice through the phone makes me sad. I know how lonely she is. I feel guilty for delaying my return to KK. She has been waiting for me since February. Time will decide, mom.

Regardless, I feel very sad for my eldest aunty when I saw her during my visit to my cousin sister’s house in PJ. Seeing her sitting on the sofa looking so happy to see all of us makes me want to cry, I was tearing in silence. It’s really hard to see people who are close to you suffer from all these sickness.

Also, to my friend whose father is suffering from a stomach cancer, closely like what my late father suffered from last year, I wish you hopes and strength to go through this trial. I’ve been there and I know exactly how that felt like.

I guess it’s time for me to go back to my writing. I’ll blog again soon.

Female drivers!!

My brother in law sent me this clip about female drivers and I can't stop laughing.

Watch this and enjoy!

Hari Keramat (in BM)

This entry is requested by a persuasive friend, Azfar..

So Azfar, as promised…. in Bahasa Kebangsaan kita, Bahasa Malaysia.. (you owe me yoyo now for letting myself to post this embarassing post in BM :P...)

Dengan bangganya dan excitednya seperti yang telah dijanjikan saya ingin mengumumkan Hari Keramat (I dont even know what Keramat means) saya pada 05hb March (kemarin) kerana saya dengan officialnya telah menghabiskan kerja makmal saya. Selepas ini, saya boleh suda concentrate sama writing saya.. (dang, my BM damn suck!)

Rewind… ehermmm *clearing throat*

Dengan bangganya, ingin saya umumkan hari keramat saya iaitu pada hari semalam, 05 hb March di mana saya dengan jayanya telah menyiapkan semua kerja makmal saya. Dengan sukacitanya, saya ingin memberi notis pencen sebagai Pelajar Sarjana yang akan menemui titik noktahnya pada bulan May di mana pada bulan tersebut, dijangkakan penulisan Tesis saya akan siap. Diharap rakan-rakan sekalian dapat memberi sokongan yang penuh sebagai tanda kebanggaan anda terhadap kehabisan saya dengan memberi hadiah seperti Wain yang berumur lebih daripada 100 tahun. Saya ingin meraihkan kebebasan yang tidak terhingga ini daripada kongkongan yang selama ini telah menghantui hidup saya kerana telah terlebih masa. Diharap penaja saya, Kementerian Sains, Teknologi dan Innovasi Malaysia (MOSTI) dapat memberi kelonggaran daripada kongkongan yang sangat ketat selama ini kerana sekurang-kurangnya, saya sudah habis.

Sekian, dan harap maklum.

Please don’t ask me to write more, this is embarrassing enough…

I am done!

I am really done playing kid
I am sticking to that new direction
No sappy feelings, no one gets hurt
I am still careful and will always be


I am done playing dumb
The key will be utilized this moment on
The door will be locked for those who bring knife to my home
The door will be opened for those with flowers in their hand and I will serve them a fine wine in return
And, they will be in my memory



I am done with ashes
They are gone with the wind
They will be a closed chapter as they flew away



As I wash my hands, I will be smiling to myself
Goodbye misery, I'll be happy from now on


My prince is giving me a ride on his brawny horse
and I will be a happy princess in my own castle
You are welcome to my garden
As long as you don't bring your witches to destroy my land


No turning back, No tears given
My hands are full, you can give me kisses on the cheek
I will love you still with all my heart
But don't destroy my heart as it is precious to me
Once betrayed, it bleeds forever
and my heart will never be the same again
and you will never see the same pure heart tomorrow

-Lie I Am-

I intend to wait till I am not freaking busy with analysis to write again, but something just made me write.

I feel sad that I don’t get to send a dear friend who left for Melbourne yesterday. I feel sad that the timing was off and I didn’t get to attend his makan-makan at home to wish him a proper farewell. I feel even more awful because this friend has been a dear to me since our undergrade years and he has been there for everyone even for people who is not good in keeping in touch, like me. But I know he understands. He knows me too well that he’ll just say, “It’s so you, Lie. I understand.”

Jeff, have a safe trip to Melbourne (Even if you're already there) and all the best for your phd. You will always be in my prayers.

Regardless, my feelings of sadness today is triggered by another.

I have a lot of friends. A LOT. Some are very close, some are just acquaintances, and some are very very dear to me. But sadly, I don’t have all the time for them.

I can be one who will never betray you and I can be a very good listener if you want me to. But time is always a problem to me and keeping in touch is my weakest point. If any of you could minus all the weak points that I have, I'm sure problems are certainly solved.