Ignorance is bliss

Sometimes we think people care for us, but the worst part is sometimes people show their concern because they want you to care for them. Nonsense!

It wasn’t easy for me to accept a guy in my life because that involves giving him my trust, the same goes for friends. This is why I like to keep away from people because they tend to take things so seriously about me not being able to keep tabs of their lives, or not being able to call and say I miss them or I love them so much. I don’t even speak that way with my mom, though I love mom more than anything else.

People think I don’t suffer a lot after losing a father. People think I was strong. The thing is, I don’t like making others feel guilty or sad just because I wasn’t happy. When everybody around me is happy, regardless of how I feel before then, I feel very much happy just by looking at their smiley faces. They bring the good emotions in them to soothe my sufferings inside. And that’s how I survived from heart ache.

If people can’t deal with things the way I handle things in life, then it’s just their loss. You gonna grow wrinkles on your face *for crying out loud*

Even when my little sister texted me saying she misses me, I told her “Stop being so weak and go do something else.” But when she’s in trouble, did I leave her alone? When she was almost raped, do you think I didn’t care at all? I panicked and almost cried myself! If I can find that pervert, I swear to you I will cut him to pieces and I’ll make him regret to have been born into this life. Do I deserve a life sentence just because I cant show how much I care for all the people I love? Was I really that bad for not surfacing my concern?

I am sorry, but I can’t.

For an instance, On New Year Eve. My brothers and sister went out celebrating it with a group of cousins, and why did I choose to isolate myself from all the huha-huha?? Because I was sad, I can’t pretend to be okay with it when tears are just ready to burst. I can’t expect my brothers or sister to be as sad as I am. It was the first year of passing the new year without wishing my dad and hug him physically’. Only this time I had to wish him on his grave.

Mom cried so loud after a new year prayer. What did I do at that time? I sat beside my mum, just put my hands on her shoulder and told her to be strong. I texted my younger sister, told her mom was crying. Then I sat at one corner, took my brother’s electric guitar, switched it to a mild sound, and played a slow song to ease mom’s sadness. In 10 minutes, brothers n sister came running to my mum. Hugged her. Kissed her, and they walked straight to dad’s grave. I followed them. They were crying like a baby calling my dad’s name, even my brothers. I brought the red oil, and light the candles. My eyes was filled with tears, I just shoved it off, and went back home to my book.

How can you tell I don’t care? Because I don’t cry and scream for my dad’s name?
How is it fair for me when people are talking about my lack of concern?

I think I shall follow a good advice from Brisbane.

Ignorance is bliss.